Not a great morning...

Abba, I'm going to vent and then I'm going to work on changing my attitude.

Deidra was supposed to have a choir performance tonight to sing in between soccer games. Andy had signed up a few months ago to take a weather spotting class with his Dad. Andy's already taken the class, but his Dad hasn't. Anyway, we got to talking and his Dad mentioned that tonight was the night for the class. I had forgotten all about it as it's been like 6 months and I had asked Andy to write it on the calendar, but of course he never did. We talked and he decided to go with me to the soccer game so that I wasn't trying to juggle all the kids while waiting for Deidra to finish singing as we couldn't just drop her off and then come back to pick her up. Melina's really getting hard to take anywhere as she just constantly wants to be on the go. Anyway, I was telling Deidra to get me her jeans and her choir t-shirt so I could have them washed today and she tells me "oh yeah, I forgot, it got cancelled as we didn't have enough people that were going to sing." So, of course the plan changes and Andy wants to go with his Dad tonight. It was like everything changed all at once. I normally do fine if I can prepare myself ahead of time that he's going to be gone, but it was sprung on me and it just bothered me.

Granted too, that my Dad was just here last week, his Dad is constantly coming in and out of the house, and my Mother-in-Law is still living here and I feel like Andy and I never get any quality time to spend together. I know that's the root of why I'm upset. I can't even talk to my husband for 5 minutes without an interruption. And I was trying to explain something to Andy and Deidra kept butting in wanting to ask questions. Finally, I got mad and went into the laundry room. I see others getting his time and whatnot, it would be nice to have 15-minutes a day of his time spent on me. Does that sound selfish? I just feel like I'm walking around on empty all the time trying to take care of the kids...and it would be nice to have someone trying to make sure my needs are met too. I need to go curl up in the Word as I know that You always have time for me, Abba. I am just having a moment and would appreciate my spouse spending some quality time with me instead of always feeling like I am on the backburner. I'm not saying that I don't want him to go spend time with his family or whatnot, I just would like some undivided attention once in awhile. He always says "we have a big family, this is what happens." I don't think it needs to be that way, but apparently I'm the only one that feels that way.

Catholicism, Politics, and Pro-Life...

Today, at the end of Mass, our priest told us that we needed to take a stand as Catholics and write to our Congressman about this push for making us go against our religions and offer contraceptives and abortions as part of our health-care. Obviously that goes against our religious beliefs as a Catholic. Anyway, he said that if a Catholic priest makes a mistake it's on the front page of the newspaper, yet he is tired of seeing Obama push all this stuff out there and sending out the message that it's ok to do whatever you want. He made the comment that nowadays a teen isn't "in" unless they're having sex. He talked about how women have come to confession and they say they want to be forgiven because they've just had an abortion. He said a lot of times these are women who he's never had come to confession before and he can't help but think that they didn't come before because they knew it was wrong. My eyes brimmed with tears...abortion has always been a sensitive topic for me even when we would debate about it in high school. I've always loved babies...I just don't understand how someone can make that decision and take a life. A baby is defenseless...you murder someone and someone has a chance at self-defense at least, but that precious little life obviously can't defend themselves. It's always broken my heart to hear about life being talked about like that...oh, it's just a blob of cells. Well, it's not...it's a precious human life. That baby deserves a chance. Anyway, the priest made a comment that he's really praying that Obama doesn't get another term as he's tired of all the changes that are being made and that Obama just feels that you should be able to do whatever you want. Well, at what cost? Most of the church broke out in applause. Those in our parish who did vote for Obama...I'm hoping that they realize now what they have been a part of and will not make the same mistake twice. I will spend part of this week writing my e-mails and letters to Congress to let them know that I am pro-life and that I am upset at the changes that Obama is trying to make. I do not think it's right to make us Catholics (or even others that are pro-life) to support contraceptive use and abortions.

Andy and I for the most part have never been big users of contraceptives. Obviously, we had pretty much given up hope that we'd get pregnant again too as we had tried for years for another baby with no success, and then came along Melina, and what a blessing she is. :-) We had a discussion after she was born that we were going to stay open to life. I've been reading a lot on the Church's stance against contraception use, but it wasn't until I was listening to Mass on tv a couple weeks ago and the priest was explaining something that I began to understand a little more. He went on to explain that the church is the bridegroom of Christ. Christ gives everything of Himself and we should in turn do the same seeing intimacy with Christ and it should be a give/receive relationship fully without any barrier. He explained that it should be that way as well between a wife and a husband. You can't give FULLY of yourself, if there's a barrier in the way and you're blocking blessings. You can only be FULLY intimate and experience that passion that Christ intends for your marriage if there's no barrier. I'm not explaining it all that well, but when I heard how the priest was explaining it, it was like a lightbulb began to go off in my head a little more. I am beginning to understand it more and more. Obviously, you have to trust too in your relationship not only with your spouse but with Christ too. He does know what's best for us and He will give us all the graces that we need if we stay open to His blessings.

Holy period bat man!

I haven't had a period in 4 months and we are going to FL in just a couple of weeks, so I'm glad that I'm going through this now instead of then (blessing in disguise), but wow do I have heavy bleeding. I've been going through a super tampon every hour just about. Yesterday and the day before I was also going through a pad as well pretty frequently. Today, that's not as bad. It's just the tampons. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Now to keep these emotions that I'm feeling at bay. I will admit that I can get pretty aggravated and moody at times. Hopefully, just a couple more days and I'll be good to go again.

Have to get a little thicker skin...

My Dad came in to get some medical test done this week and he always stays here with us. 5 kids, me and Andy, Andy's Mom, and my Dad too make for a little chaos when we're all together. Not to mention that the attachment disorder really gets hard to manage when other people are in the house with Josiah, Emma, and Tracie. My Dad does not get that at all...he thinks it's all bologne. Anyway, my Dad had a comment about the fact that we always make them clean their plates...if you saw their dinner plates and how small they are, you'd realize how dumb this is that he's getting upset about it. Of course, what he was really upset about was the fact that I made Emma finish her dinner when in fact she was really just trying to play games since Grandpa was here to see what she could get away with and she was mad because we weren't falling for it. When I would get on the kids for rambling and swarming everyone and interrupting the conversations over and over and over again, my Dad would just give me this look and shake his head. I'm trying to teach them boundaries, that we wait our turn to speak and that we aren't climbing all over our guests and all that stuff. Yesterday, he really hurt my feelings. He said that being raised with all of his brothers and sisters that he doesn't remember them ever getting on them like we are constantly getting after our kids. I told him that they weren't dealing with the things that we are dealing with in our family either. He said they were too, they just didn't know what those things were back when he was growing up. I highly doubt anyone in his family was dealing with RAD, let alone 3 of our little ones have attachment disorder in varying degrees and with the ADHD we're constnatly repeating ourselves to keep them on task. It's not like we're just doing it for the sake of doing it, it has a purpose. He refused to even listen to me about the attachment disorder or what that even entailed. I finally had to tell myself, that he didn't know what to do with me or my 2 brothers when we were growing up...how can I expect him to understand what it's like on a day-to-day basis around here when he only sees glimpses every few months. We had them outside yesterday and they weren't listening and so I told them to go in the house as outside time was done. They didn't seem interested in playing anymore anyway, it was all about bickering over this or that. Josiah took off runnign and screaming at the top of his lungs and Tracie started crying her head off. Emma went inside peacefully and Melina was upset about having to go in. My Dad asked me what in the heck I did. I told him "they don't want to play anymore so I said it was time to come in and this is what happens every day." He said "if my kids acted like that just over having to play outside that would be the last time they went outside." Well, call me mean then...but they need outside time too even if they don't always like it...good old fashioned vitamin D...we all need it. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about all of his comments and I was so mad that he won't at least try to understand this stuff. But, finally I gave it to God and He gave me some rest. I choose to go forward in knowing God has a plan for not only my life, but my children's too and that God will give Andy and I the graces to get through this and He will heal them! I firmly believe that will come in time. I almost wish we would have had a counseling appt with our attachment therapist this week as my Dad would have gotten dragged along. lol

Tracie graduated from speech today!

I am so proud of Tracie. They came out to do her speech re-evaluation testing and she got the all clear. She graduated from speech and her last day is Wednesday! She's come so far and I couldn't be more proud!

Josiah

I got the documentation from our attachment therapist from the school saying that he had RAD, but I was surprised to see that she had another diagnosis listed with it. He also has PTSD. It makes me so mad to know that even though we got him at 13 months old, that we couldn't prevent this. All the damage to my poor little baby had already been done. I never knew neglect could cause all this. Of course, I think there's a lot of his missing puzzle that we'll never know. What I keep telling myself is that our God is HUGE and can fix all of this. I just keep giving Josiah back to Him over and over. Abba, you know my precious Josiah and how hard he is to parent and discipline and you can see his heart. Precious Jesus, please heal him from all of this and let him become healthily attached to our family.

What an answered prayer...

We had been trying to get some neuropsych work-ups done based on something our attachment therapist had wanted us to do with another dr. she knew. We found out that he didn't take our insurance, but he was really helpful and didn't want the cost to stand in the way and said we'd work something out. He asked for a list of difficulties that the kids were having problems with. I sent him a rather lengthy email and he met with our attachment therapist. He wrote me back today and said that he's going to do the 3 of them for free and we'd schedule a Saturday appt. What an answered prayer! I can't wait to find out what the results are! Maybe now we'll finally find out if they are capable of learning certain things, or if they're just choosing not to do certain things, and how to help them in the best way possible.

The school meeting...

went well. I first got called to go in to talk to the principals about Josiah. Apparently, he dumped a chair over and kicked it across the room this morning because he was mad. They went down and talked with him and put him at a desk all by himself and told him he had to stay there. They said if he found re-focus to be funny (He was all proud that he made it to blue and got to go to re-focus) that they'd just isolate him from the class and see how that goes. They also wanted me to know that they appreciated all the work that I try to do with my children and that we had an open-door communication with them and they appreciated that. They know I'm trying and that I support the teachers and they know what I'm trying to accomplish even at home.

Then, i went and met with Emily's teacher, reading intervention specialist, and the guidance counselor. They were proud to tell me that she tested again yesterday and is now reading at a level 10. She started the year at a level 4. Right after Christmas break, she had moved to a 6 and now she's at a 10. She needs to reach a level 18 by the end of the year. I asked if this meant that maybe she could pass. Her teacher didn't wnat to commit to anything and said it would depend on how hard Emily continued to work, but she did say that she is really struggling with math. I knew this too. We also talked about the fact that I wanted her tested for dyslexia with some of the things that she's been doing. I guess they had originally been talking about if that could be a possibility before they even got my letter asking about that. So, they're going to see about doing some dyslexia observation paperwork to bring in front of the dyslexia board. They're also going to get her some more math intervention. Her teacher said that maybe she shouldn't say anything, but that if she got a special education referral for anything down the road, she can see it being with math. She's not there yet, but we'll just keep working. The guidance counselor did mention too that she's nervous about asking for testing now because she was afraid they'd come back and bring up her attention span with the ADHD and say that her difficulties were just due to that and if they test her anyway and she comes back on the border anything, they have to wait for 3 years before they can test her again. She wanted to know if I had any way to get her to Scottish Rite for testing as they do it for free and she said that they'd get some paperwork going at school for testing, but this way if I got something outside the school done I can always bring them the results and they're still an option to do school testing in another year or so. She's getting me a packet to submit with the Scottish Rite paperwork and hopefully we can get her tested soon.

We also talked about Josiah. She said that she really just wnated to get him on 504 and get some behavioral help services going for him at school and she was going to look at some books on RAD that she had in her office and see if she could come up with some strategies to help the teachers and the principals in how they interact with him. I got the documentation from the Dr today from teh school so I forwarded that on to her. It was a really good meeting.

School Problems

I came home from running to the store, called Andy to let him know that our tickets to Disney came in the mail and checked my email to see that they were having some problems with Josiah today. Call waiting interrupted and I saw that it was the school and so I told Andy that I had to take it. I was surprised to find Emma's teacher on the line. She too was giving her teacher fits at school today and has been very busy since last week. Not wanting to stay in her seat, not doing her work, roaming around the classroom, being bossy, having a real attitude. I told her that I'd been seeing that at home lately too and was going to talk to her about it at the party yesterday, but they had a substitute and I couldn't. I wound up calling the pediatrician to ask if she could go up on her Vyvanse dose and they are going to do that for us. Hopefully, that will help the problems. Then, I wound up getting a call from the principal's office saying that Josiah is in re-focus for the rest of today and all day tomorrow. She had just told me yesterday too that his behavior had gotten so much better and now this. They do finally want documentation saying that he has RAD though so that they can put him on 504 status at school. So, I just contacted the dr. to see if she could provide me with something in writing saying that he did indeed have RAD so we can get him some services going. I wish they could have done this in the beginning of the year. I am their Mom though and I will advocate for them all that I need to.

Attachment Therapy

Things are going well with attachment therapy. I did let her know that Tracie has been so much more affectionate with me since our last appt when she had her little breakthrough. Dr. was thrilled! I did let her know that Emma has been really struggling and doing things to try and get the others in trouble, lying, major attitude, and very bossy. She asked how long this has been going on and asked if it started up shortly after our last appt. I said now that I thought about it it did. She said she thought maybe she knew why. She had Emma draw a heart and label all the people that she had love for. Then, she had her make a fist and hold it next to me and then I had to do the same and put mine next to hers. She told Emma...see how much bigger Mom's heart is...she has room to hold all the love in there for all the people that need it from her. There's plenty of love for not only Tracie, but for you too. I think that really got through to her and I never even realized that was what was going on. However, Emma was always used to giving me hugs and kisses all of the time and Tracie wouldn't do it as much. That used to be the complete opposite a couple of years ago. But, I'm glad that Dr. saw it and was able to help us to talk through that. She went back to being her loving little self afterwards. Josiah really struggled while we were there. When she brought them back she told them to come sit with Mommy and Daddy. Tracie came and sat by me, Emma sat on the chair by Andy, and Josiah chose to sit all the way on the other side of the room almost. She told him to go sit down by Mom or Dad. He went up to her and stood there. She said "am I your Mom or your Dad?" He says "Mom." She looked at him adn asked the question again and he had the same answer. "Mom." She wound up sending him to the corner. She brought him out a few minutes later and asked again and he then said "Dad." She sent him back to the corner again. After another couple of minutes she asked him again and he finally said "no." Her advice to us though on all of his temper tantrums, acting like a baby, bed wetting in underwear, but holding it and making it to the bathroom while in a pull-up was just to treat him like a baby for now and hopefully he'd make the decision to want to grow up and take some developmental steps soon. She said too that with all the constant talking he does, that he really needs to learn dialogue and not monologue. I told her that's hard too as it's very hard to hold a conversation with him. You either get "i don't know." or he just stares at you or he says something off the wall that doesn't even pertain to what's going on. She said to kind of talk down to him for awhile and use 2-year-old talk as that seems to be the stage that he's stuck in right now. We had a good appt and she has been such an answer to prayer.

Disney House

We finally got 2010's tax return and we booked our vacation to Disney world for a week over Spring Break in March. We rented a house and found out this morning that it was double booked. They let us know that they had 2 other properties that were still available. We found this one, but it was going to be more money. We liked it a bit better than the one we had originally booked. Andy called to ask them if we could just pay the difference and found out that they weren't going to charge us extra. So, we went ahead and booked it. This is our house for the week we're going to be in FL.

http://www.1stfororlando.net/vacation-rental-home.asp?PageDataID=29660

Disney world here we come!!