Halloween parties...

The littles all had parties today at school. Deidra didn't have a party and she was pretty bummed. I got them all little Halloween outfits to wear. Deidra had a skull shirt, Baby T had a Tinkerbell halloween outfit, Josiah had a bat shirt that said "I may be cute, but I still BITE." And Little E, had a orange and black kitty shirt. They all looked adorable. I dropped Josiah and Baby T off at MDO and then I took Little E to the library to get Halloween books and some videos. We got the Wizard of Oz to watch and she picked out a Dora movie and I picked out a Veggie Tales movie for them all to watch. We came home and I edited some pics and then it was time to take her to school. After I dropped her off, I went up and had lunch with Mom. We went to Ryan's and talked and ate. It was good and I got my mashed potato craving filled. :-) Then, after lunch we went back to her work and the girl's in her office had put together candy baskets for my kids. I thought that was sweet of them and so I gathered those up and brought them home. I wanted to take a nap, but there wasn't any time. So, I headed up to gather them all from school. Now, we're home and they're watching Dora for a bit. I wish I could nap. I may lay down for a bit when Andy gets home. My Dad is coming in later tonight and I'll need to run to Rockwall to get him from his truck around 9. My Dad was worrying about me as I've been so tired lately...he was so sweet wondering if that was too late or if I just wanted to come get him in the morning. I told him Mom had volunteered to come with me so I wouldn't be by myself. That made him feel better. He's been calling me every other day or so to check on how I'm feeling. He is SO excited about this baby. I haven't seen him this excited about something in a long time. I think I'm going to do a pasta bake for dinner tonight...something I can just throw in a pan and bake. I feel bad that I really haven't been cooking much lately. Either Andy cooks when he comes home or the kids have been eating whatever I can throw in the oven easily. I am really lacking gumption.

I don't accept help well...

I've always had a difficult time asking for and accepting help. I think it has something to do with how I was raised...if I wanted something, I had to do it on my own. I think that's something I've just carried with me.

Tonight, a friend brought over dinner for my family. I felt a bit awkward about it when she first brought it up a couple of days ago, yet I was extremely touched that she wanted to do that for us. B, I thank you so much for being so sweet and bringing over dinner. It was delicious! Pizza bread and salad. You could sell that every time you decided to make some for dinner...it was really THAT good! You totally didn't have to do that for us, but we SO appreciated you doing that for us. Your friendship is an answered prayer! Love you!!

I cannot get over...

how much I've been sleeping or been wanting to sleep lately. I am just dragging. Nothing in my house is really getting done. Andy pampered me all weekend and did the laundry and the cooking when we weren't grabbing dinners out. I told him I feel awful that the house is all cluttered and I start out the day with the best of intentions, but by the time I can grab some time to do something, all I want to do is sit down or if the kids are napping at the same time I want to grab a quick nap myself. I came out and told my CPS worker and my therapists that I was pregnant. Everybody keeps asking me how I'm feeling. I just feel like I could fall asleep at any given moment, I have bouts of queesiness. I am always gassy. (I know, like you really wanted to know that...but it's BAD and gas pains hurt). I have heartburn and yesterday I had a really bad bachache that would not go away. Yesterday, I was really moody and I felt really bad, but I just kept getting aggravated. Deidra's friend was over too and they pleaded to go outside. I told them I didn't care. I get back to resting on the couch and the next thing I know is Deidra is yelling that her friend has to go to the bathroom but she won't come out of the swingset fort because she's afraid of the dog. She managed to walk outside with the dog out there to go to the swingset and now she can't do the same to get back in the house? Well, the next thing I know is Deidra's yelling at the dog and her friend would not come all the way down. Our dog is harmless...yes she's hyper as she's still a puppy, but she's not mean. She's nothing to be afraid of. So, I get back up and go get the dog so she can come in. She comes in and I expect her to head to the bathroom. Nope, she says she never had to go. I'm sorry, but she was the one just bragging about how she could never tell a lie...I realize that it doesn't exactly sound like a big deal...but why say you have to come in because you have to go tot he bathroom and then once you get in the house admit that you didn't have to go. Um, that's a lie to me. So, I told them they weren't going back outside if she was going to be like that.

I just am dragging today. I was trying to sign papers for the OT and I kept hearing something. I go into the kitchen to find Josiah with my spray butter, just spraying it all over the floor, counter, and the oven. Looks like I'll be mopping later. He just looks at me with this smirk on his face. After she left, I made him help me clean it up off the counters and stuff. I'm going to do the floor as I didn't want anyone slipping and falling. And while I should be in the kitchen decluttering my countertops and mopping the floor, here I sit. Both kids finally fell asleep...I desperately want to close my eyes. Yet, I feel like I'm so behind with everything that I really should clean and get some paperwork that I'm behind on done....I have the kids Christmas lists that I have to have turned in by the end of the week, and I have some evaluations that I have to do. Not to mention, complete the girls adoption application and reference forms. Everytime I think about it, I just say it can wait. I know I can't keep thinking like this. I just want to lay down and go to sleep.

Went to church this morning...

Crammed myself into my jeans....the jeans that were too big a couple of weeks ago are now very snug. I was very uncomfortable at church and couldn't wait to get home and get back into my other pants. I think once I have my first ob appt and am able to find out that baby is ok and when I am due for sure, I am going to take myself shopping for some maternity clothes.

I had woken up this morning worrying about everything, I keep feeling like I'm dreaming and that when I go back to the doctor on Thursday they're going to tell me that I'm not pregnant. At mass today, I prayed and gave my worries to God about losing this baby and asked Him to keep me and baby safe and to help me quit worrying about everything. I offered up my Communion today in thanksgiving of this baby. When I got up to leave, a voice told me "go ask Father to bless your pregnancy and quit worrying." I went up very shyly with Josiah and told Father that we had just found out that we were expecting and I wanted to know if he could bless our baby. He was very happy to do so. He asked God to bless me and my son. At first I thought he was blessing Josiah as I had him with me, but then he blessed my stomach. A sign? I found it interesting as my Dad is convinced that this baby is a boy. Everytime he asks how I am he will ask me "how's my grandson doing?" It'll be interesting to find out what we are having. All I know is that I already feel huge. I'm feeling pretty well...I just have moments where I get very tired and the nausea hits out of the blue. Very different nausea than what I had when I was pregnant with Deidra. With Deidra, I was sick constantly. With this one, while I do have moments where I'm nauseated for awhile...at other times it just comes on suddenly and I run to barf in the bathroom or the closest place that I can. The thing that I'm experiencing with this one that I really didn't have that much with Deidra is gas and heartburn. And of course, every time I turn around it seems like I'm running to pee. My chest hasn't been so sore the last couple of days either. I just continue to feel very blessed that God has blessed us with this baby, but yet at times I still feel like I'm dreaming.

I was sad to learn that our church kitty, Joseph, passed away. I held him last week and he just purred away. He was always one of the highlights around the church. He'd climb into the windows and come sit in the pews or follow Father down to the altar or race Father over to the church. He would always let Father win the race. He sat with Deidra in one of the pews once when we had gone in to pray for a few minutes. They called him the cat lic kitty. Everybody always loved on him before and after the masses and he would always know when the masses let out and he'd come out where everybody could find him. He will be missed! I cried when I read his memorial and I told my Mom it was the wrong thing to show the sensitive pregnant lady. He was a sweet kitty.

Tutoring

Deidra was sent home with a note saying that they were asking for her to do some tutoring to catch her up on reading. So, every Monday she'll be staying after school for 45 minutes for reading tutoring. I know she's been struggling with this, so I know she needs it. Hopefully, it won't take her all that long to get to where she needs to be. I wish she shared the love of reading that I have, but it really is a struggle to get her to read anything. However, she does like the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.

No gumption

I literally have no gumption to do anything. I start out the day by telling myself that I need to do "A, B, and C." I don't wind up doing anything but the absolute necessities. Like today, we had a case worker visit. I am just so tired. I don't have much energy at all. Yesterday, I was very blessed to get to take a 45 minute nap with Josiah (he's not feeling all that great...slight fever and bad cough)and I still felt drained. He slept all the way through getting the girls from school in the car and I wished I could sleep right along with him. I fell asleep on the couch last night after SVU was over. Andy woke me up to go to bed and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open long enough to go upstairs. I just have no gumption to do anything. I have been feeling sick on and off too, but the weird thing is that I have to force myself to eat...not so much because of the quesies, but I just have no appetite. Yesterday, it was almost 2:30 before I realized that I hadn't eaten lunch at all. So, I ate a Lean Cuisine and called it good. I just wish I could get some gumption to do the things I need to do...I'm behind on weekly foster paperwork, I need to make the girl's Christmas lists so I can get them into my agency and CPS as they want them by the beginning of next week. I also need to reschedule our health inspection as they never showed up when they were supposed to. Apparently, they were out sick. I still have a whole stack of adoption paperwork waiting for me as well. I'm just going to have to start making a list of what needs to be done and make it a goal to cross one thing off the list each day. I had forgotten how tired you get when trying to grow a life inside of you. But, considering all that, I feel SO blessed to get to experience it all again. God is SO good and faithful to His people! Thank You, Abba, so much for this blessing...we are so thankful for this baby.

One emotional Momma, but oh so very blessed!

I was driving Deidra to school this morning and thinking about how very blessed I am. I started thanking God and just praising Him for all of our blessings over our family. I just feel like God is holding me in His hands and is just pouring his blessings over our family. I have never felt more in God's presence and more loved and blessed by Him! I love my family...I love my children...I love how God has provided them with us as parents and given us our children that we have asked and prayed for how He saw fit. We are so blessed to have had Deidra, to have adopted Josiah, to be adopting Little E and Baby T, and now to find out that we have another baby on the way. I am one blessed Momma and I could not be more happier. I am just so thrilled!

Found out the reason I've been feeling like I have been...

Well, after riding in the car yesterday with cramps and feeling queesy when I didn't eat at regular intervals, headaches, and having a sore chest, I decided to test this morning. I was in total shock when 2 lines appeared! I immediately ran and got Andy who was in the process of waking up Deidra. I told him I needed to talk to him right then. I dragged him into our bedroom and told him (while showing him the test) that we were going to have a baby. We were both in shock and smiling away at each other.

I took Deidra to school and then I had to take Josiah into the hospital for a blood test. We got that all done and when we went to leave, I decided that since my ob/gyn is right there that I'd walk over and see if I could confirm the pregnancy and make my first appt. I have an appt with the doctor for next week. I put my last menstrual period down and they say I'm almost 12 weeks already. However, I'm wondering if I'm really that far along and if I could have just skipped a cycle one month and then got pregnant the next. I asked them what they normally do to give you an accurate due date and she said that it really depends on the doctor and what the patient wants to do. I'm SO excited!! After all this time, Andy and I had really given up hope that it would ever happen again.

I went and told my Mom and she almost started crying and just hugged me. She's really excited. I came home and we told Andy's Dad and he is really happy for us. I told my girlfriend when she called as I couldn't keep it in any longer. I texted my brothers. I told my Dad this afternoon and I thought for sure that he wouldn't really be all that happy about it and I was really surprised to find out how happy he really was about it. He even called my Mom at work to tell her how ecstatic he was at being a Grandpa again. That shocked me! We told Deidra after school and at first all she said was "yeah, right." She totally didn't believe us. Once she realized that we were telling her the truth, she was a VERY HAPPY big sister and was all smiles. She thought it was SO cool! She wants to know if it's a boy or a girl already. lol. Andy's going to call his Mom tonight.

Anyway, we are all one very happy and blessed family. We never expected this yet we feel so very happy and blessed with this news!

A Cleaning Frenzy...

I got up and took the kids to school, came home for our fire inspection...we passed with flying colors, ran up some paperwork to my foster agency, took the littles their lunch that I forgot...they told me that the gas station by there sold lunchables...so I went and got 3. Holy cow! They wanted $4.99 a piece. Wow!! I almost put them back, but I didn't feel like going back in to Wal-mart for stuff and then going home to make lunch, and then going back out to run them their lunches, so I just paid the stupid $4.99 for 3 of them and took them to them. I grabbed a philly steak sub from Subway, came home and cleaned for a bit. Cleaned the kitchen the rest of the way (Andy had a headstart on it last night, did some spot cleaning in the living room, I still need to vacuum and mop the kitchen floor, but I had to go get the kids from school. Got the littles and then went to Miss B's to get State Fair tickets from her (Thanks SO muhc, Beth!!) so we can go to the State Fair tomorrow with my father-in-law. Then, we ran and got Deidra from school. Came home and Deidra asked to go play for a bit. We were going to go to the homecoming parade, but they all want to go to the airport to go get Grampy more. So, we're going to go meet Daddy at work and then go to the airport together to get Grampy. I'm hoping to at least be able to clean the guest bathroom, vacuum downstairs, and mop the kitchen floor all in the next hour. Then, I promised the kids that I'd get them some candy since we're missing the parade, I need some money for parking at the airport, and then we'll be off to meet Andy in Dallas. The house is presentable and looks nice, I just need to finish decluttering my foster counter later today as well.

So PMSy...

I missed September's cycle and so far this month I haven't gotten it yet. I've had moments where it feels like it's coming, but nada. My hormones are going crazy and today I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying for awhile. My chest hurts, my abdomen is bloated and crampy, I could use a nap, and I'm just emotional.

Josiah has been a handful and a half this past week. His meds have totally quit working. I keep giving them to him as I don't want to see what he'd be like without them totally, but for the most part I see a lot of his old behaviors returning and he's been very hard to handle some days. I just keep praying a lot. Baby T has been throwing some extreme fits...she whines, cries, and screams over everything. Yesterday, I think she spent 3/4ths of her day in her room screaming. I give her a warning and if she doesn't stop or she starts screaming at me, then I just pick her up and put her in her room and tell her when she can calm down, she can come out. A lot of times, I go and get her and no sooner is she out of her room and she is whining again by the time she gets to the stairs...I issue another warning and if she doesn't stop, I have to put her right back in. Even our OT got on her about her fits while she was here. And of course, she hates to be redirected or scolded and that only makes her cry and scream more, so she started crying at the OT. She's talking more though, so that is a good thing, but I just wish everything wouldn't make her so upset. She really is a sweet little thing and the whining doesn't get her her way, so I would have thought she would have diminished her fits by now...instead they only seem to be escalating. Little E started meds today for ADHD. They made her a bit drowsy. I guess we'll see how she does on them.

I'm going to go drink a cup of coffee while I try to get Josiah to nap and see if I can get some time in The Word. I have paperwork to finish, adoption paperwork to do, a house to clean, laundry to do...and did I mention that I have a fire inspection to do on Friday, a health inspection on Tuesday...a caseworker visit tomorrow morning...oh and Andy's Dad will be in for 5 days on Friday as well. I feel like I have so much going on right now and I am just exhausted.

So tired of the sickes...

A couple of weeks ago, I got really sick with some sort of crud. I got over that and a week later, I got some cold and was feeling cruddy with that. Got over that and last night I couldn't get warm for anything, went to bed, woke up feeling fine. After lunch, it hit me all of a sudden that I was going to barf. Threw up once. Gave my stomach a rest and then I decided I wanted some coke or some sprite, but I had put my pajamas on and didn't feel like changing. Laid on the couch and watched some CSI and then Andy decided he was going to go to the grocery store. I asked him for a pizza sub from Subway, he came home with a sub that I didn't ask for and was kind of spicy. I ate it anyway as I didn't want to be rude, but I am a bit worried that it was too spicy for my stomach. It's hurting a bit. Sipping on my sprite...

Deidra was sweet and brought me home some peanut butter cups and some gingerbread and peppermint mocha coffee creamer.

I'm trying to take it easy on myself...going to try to take some vitamins before I go to bed as well. Andy's Dad is flying in a couple of days for 5 days and he has a lot of stuff planned that he wants to do/see while he's here. State Fair, driving to Oklahoma so he can check that state off of his list, maybe San Antonio, and he wants to do some stuff in Dallas like the JFK museum. I need to get the house in order before he gets here.

2 extra kids...

We were asked to do respite for 2 little girls who are 3 and 2. They came last Wednesday and they'll be here until Monday night or Tuesday. It's weird, but I think it's easier having 6 kids than 4. They all keep each other occupied. They play together pretty nicely too. The girls are sweet. We were brave and decided to take all 6 kids with us to church and it surprisingly went very well. They all sat really well! They are such sweet little girls. Deidra was sad when she found out that they weren't staying. Baby T has really taken to them and started calling them her "sisters." I just keep telling them that they can't stay and they are only here for just a bit. It's been fun and we've been enjoying them.

Behavioral Therapy and School Behaviors

I think I mentioned that we did a behavioral assessment in early September to see about getting Little E some behavioral therapy. She just continues to not listen, can't follow directions, and she just finds discipline to be funny, and it's hard to figure out what makes her tick to change the behaviors. They are putting her in the PEP program (parents empowering preschoolers) program that is one night a week after school. The other littles can participate in small group as well and us parents go in a parenting class to discuss behaviors, learn techniques, and sometimes we even get to observe the counselors working with the kids and see how they respond to the kids behaviors. She has done 2 sessions so far and they've gone well. I told the counselor that she seems to be on the shy side as she's really quiet and unsure of what to do with herself when we got to observe last week. The counselor said that a lot of the kids have a honeymoon period for the first 3-4 sessions, and that makes sense seeing how a lot of foster kids have a "honeymoon" period as well when they first come into our homes. It'll be interesting to see how the next few sessions go.

We got called to have a conference with Little E's teacher as well as she is giving her teacher a very hard time in class. She loves school, but she just can't sit still, can't keep her hands off of the other kids, is agressive at recess, and she can't listen and follow directions. She's constantly interrupting the teacher and her attention-span is so short that she is constantly running up to the teacher asking what she's supposed to be doing or where she's going next. She also threatened the teacher's assistant one day. The teacher said she is having to redirect her every 10-15 seconds. She asked me how she is after school and I said she is like a volcano that just errupts. It's all that behavior that I would normally deal with during the day (as she does), but it just escalates and is that much more frequent after school. So, the behavioral therapy place is going to have the school fill out behavioral charts from time-to-time to see if we can see any type of behavioral shift at school and at home while she's in behavioral therapy.

We get to adopt the girls!

We had court on September 30 for Little E and Baby T. We get to adopt the girls! We are doing an open adoption with their birthmom and family. I feel really good about it! Now to do the paperwork and get that all turned in to our agency and wait our 90 days.