Homestudy update

Our caseworker came out on Monday night and did our homestudy update. Really not much has changed since we just adopted Josiah in June, but we had to do it anyway. I don't know why I get nervous, but everything went well. She also did a session of adoption prep with the girls, one more prep session to do this week and then we're done with that part of it. I just have to sign some waivers and do another crim check and our part should be done. We also have to wait for one more reference to come in and then wait for her to type up our homestudy update and get it to CPS.

No gumption

I literally have no gumption to do anything. I start out the day by telling myself that I need to do "A, B, and C." I don't wind up doing anything but the absolute necessities. Like today, we had a case worker visit. I am just so tired. I don't have much energy at all. Yesterday, I was very blessed to get to take a 45 minute nap with Josiah (he's not feeling all that great...slight fever and bad cough)and I still felt drained. He slept all the way through getting the girls from school in the car and I wished I could sleep right along with him. I fell asleep on the couch last night after SVU was over. Andy woke me up to go to bed and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open long enough to go upstairs. I just have no gumption to do anything. I have been feeling sick on and off too, but the weird thing is that I have to force myself to eat...not so much because of the quesies, but I just have no appetite. Yesterday, it was almost 2:30 before I realized that I hadn't eaten lunch at all. So, I ate a Lean Cuisine and called it good. I just wish I could get some gumption to do the things I need to do...I'm behind on weekly foster paperwork, I need to make the girl's Christmas lists so I can get them into my agency and CPS as they want them by the beginning of next week. I also need to reschedule our health inspection as they never showed up when they were supposed to. Apparently, they were out sick. I still have a whole stack of adoption paperwork waiting for me as well. I'm just going to have to start making a list of what needs to be done and make it a goal to cross one thing off the list each day. I had forgotten how tired you get when trying to grow a life inside of you. But, considering all that, I feel SO blessed to get to experience it all again. God is SO good and faithful to His people! Thank You, Abba, so much for this blessing...we are so thankful for this baby.

Sent in an inquiry on these girls today...

Deidra and I were looking at the TARE site yesterday and these girls just jumped out at us. I talked to Andy about them as well and today we submitted our inquiry in on them. Even our caseworker thought they were really cute. God, I put this into Your Hands and I pray that we'll have a true chance to have them come to us.

It looks like we may get to keep him...

Well, Baby J's caseworker just came out to drop off his Christmas gifts. I asked her if she had talked to his mom to find out how she was doing. She said "well, she wants to do the open adoption and I just sent her the papers to sign." It was either that or the state was going to take custody of him and we would have been given the chance to adopt him anyway. The only thing scaring me is that now her Mom and Uncle want to see him. But, I guess she said that we don't have to do that if we're not comfortable. It's our choice. She also told me too that we need to come up with strict rules on visitation after the adoption is completed.

I'm sitting here in tears...he's really going to be ours!

Keep us in your prayers...

J's CPS caseworker came by today. She told me that J's mom had a caseworker that has been visiting with her down there, but she won't open up to her. Since she's used to the same CPS worker that J has, the worker is going to make an appt to go down there and talk with her. She wants her to understand that she has a real option to place J with us and she wants her to know that he's happy and doing well. She told me that he used to be a really quiet baby and he just seemed like he was sad all the time. She said she can't get over the change in his demeanor and how happy he is with us. She wants him to stay with us and she told me that she really wanted to talk to his mom about that. I told her that I just don't want adoption pushed on her and she said that she understands, but given how young she is, what she's going through already, and the positive changes she sees in J she wants her to really consider it and she said that since his mom was the one that brought it up first, she can see it going to adoption. I gave her pictures today to send to her and she asked me if it would be ok if she called with his mom on the line so that she could talk to us as his mom had some questions and we could put the phone up to J's ear for her to talk to him a bit. I told her that was fine, but I'd prefer that they used my cell number so that she couldn't trace our address that way. I told her that his mom was welcome to call that number anytime that she wanted as long as it was hours within reason and that she wasn't calling everyday. When she left, she said that she appreciated how open I was being with everything and how willing to work with not only his birthmom, but with her too. She said that she is really pulling for us and that this is the part of her job that she likes. She said too that she can see how clearly bonded J is to us as well and that is such a good thing. I want to keep this little boy more than anything. I'm a bit nervous about the questions that J's mom has for us and in talking with her as we've never talked to the birthparents before, but I just pray for God's guidance when she calls. I wasn't prepared for the caseworker's comments today though in her being on our side...it makes me feel good, but hearing about how her perceptions of how quiet and sad he used to be makes me want to cry too. I just hope that some good can come out of this situation for J, his mom, and for us and that no matter what happens, we'll all be able to stay a part of his life.

Bummed...

We celebrated our 2 month anniversary of being foster parents yesterday and we're on our 2nd case manager with our agency. What do I find out today? She's leaving on August 10 to go back to school and be back near her family. I'm happy for her, but bummed that we face yet another change. I asked if we could go back to the first case manager that we had as we're familiar with him and he is with us...she said that she didn't know who we were going to get, but they wind up giving us back to him. So, I'm hoping that we can get him back as he was easy to work with and very nice. I hate change...can you tell?

Need my prayer warriors...

I'm spilling the beans now after talking to Baby J's CPS worker (she's also his mom's caseworker). They talked about how they're trying to get his mom's level of care lowered so that she can go back into a foster home and see J more or even be placed back with him in the same home. However, I guess she has also been talking about giving him up in an open adoption. I let her know that we would definitely be interested, but I don't want to take him from her either...it's something she really needs to think about. I also suggested that I would be willing to transport J down to where she is if they can set up someone else to supervise the visit if it was something that we'd only have to do every 3-4 months. She said if she does agree to the open adoption (she was going to talk to her supervisor and see how about setting it up with his mom as a real opportunity for her). Please pray that we'll be able to adopt this beautiful baby boy. I truly want what is best for him, his mom, and everyone involved. But the thought of losing him, also breaks my heart. So, here I am...I've spilled the beans...please keep us in your prayers that we'll be able to adopt this beautiful baby boy.

Range of Emotions

Nobody can prepare you for the range of emotions that becoming a foster parent brings. You see these little children and what they have been put through and your heart breaks for them...yet at the same time you're so excited to have them here in your home to love and spoil and we see what true blessings they are. I bonded instantly with J...although it took me about a week to finally make some breakthroughs with E.

Then, I was informed within a couple days of one another about E's visit and then J's visit with their mamas. That alone brought some emotions with it for me. It was hard to let them go a little bit...I wanted to protect them and I saw my momma bear protective instincts come out a little bit...that's when I realized that I was a lot more attached to E than I had previously thought.

Anyway, there was some confusion with J's visit although we finally got it all worked out. We took him out to the hospital to see her on Saturday and I had wanted to take a picture of him with his mom for his room, but we weren't allowed to go back in the room. So, I'll just have to ask for pictures later when I send some of J to his mom. I did want to meet her and let her know that we were going to take good care of J and that I would write her letters and send pics so she'd know how he was doing while she was so far away. Andy told me that I was getting too involved and that I needed to let the caseworkers do their things and that we needed to keep our distance. I don't know if I totally agree...but I'll start out slow with letters and pictures and see how she takes it. Andy told me to keep in mind that she may not see that we're helping...she may be angry at us. I told him that her caseworker doesn't see that apparently as she was going to set up a visit with his mom and J right here at our house...it was us that wasn't comfortable with that. But, I said that I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and I'll start out with the letter and the pictures and see what transforms after that. Anyway, J was all happy when he saw us pull up to get him and Deidra was especially happy that he was back with us.

For E's visit I went and picked out a few small things for her birthday (she turned 18 the day after they placed E with us) for him to bring to her for his visit today. He left this morning shortly before 11 and when they left, my heart hurt a little bit. I couldn't explain it...it just did. Anyway, Deidra wanted me to bring her and J out to lunch and so I took them to Burger King. We had just sat down and started eating when my cell rang. It was the transport worker saying that E's mom never showed up. My heart broke for him. We finished eating and came home to be here for when E came back home. Granted, I understand that he's little and doesn't understand all this...but my heart hurt that his momma couldn't show up for his sake. When the doorbell rang and he saw me, he broke out into this huge grin and that made me smile. The transport worker said that his mom did finally call them back and said that she was sick and didn't have a ride. I told the transport lady that you'd have thought that she would have called that in this morning. She said that she understood where I was coming from and that she was going to try to schedule the next one here in our town. I guess she tried to do it for this one, but the mom wanted it done out of region instead of here. I told the transporter that just makes it more inconvenient for everyone. Not to mention, that considering where his mom lives, this is a lot closer as well and it doesn't involve us having to bring him (or the transport worker having to come 50 minutes) to get him and bring him back either. She left and I was feeding him lunch and he just kept grinning at me. I'll never forget how he grinned when he saw me open the door. I want to cry just thinking about it...but he's definitely bonded to us that's for sure. I went to put him down for his nap and he just wrapped his arms around my neck. I can only hope that next time his mama will show up for his sake. Poor little guy!

Yes, there are some things I guess I just wasn't prepared for emotionally in this journey...but I will be here for these kids every step of the way...they have already taken up such huge pieces of my heart. And this is just the beginning really...we've had J for 25 days...and E we've only had for 2 weeks. I just want to wrap my arms around the both of them and never let them go.

New car time?

Well, we've been talking about the room in our cars for the kiddos. I don't really want to have to take 2 cars everywhere...so the dilemna is...do we just take in 1 or 2 more kiddos and smush everyone into the cars and have to take 2 cars if Andy has to come with us? Or do we upgrade and get a used minivan? We'd have to trade Andy's car in and he'd inherit mine and I'd get the van to drive the kiddos around in? We just don't know if we should do this now or wait until we're in the new house? They always tell you that they don't want you buying anything on credit while you have a mortgage pending. I think I'm going to call our mortgage lady and see what she has to say tomorrow...however in the meantime...I offer it up to you, Abba. I know your timing and answers are perfect...even if they're not the ones that we currently want all the time. I must put my trust in you.

Any car recommendations out there that will seat 7-8? I've been looking at the Kia Sedona. However, I'd really like to find a Chevy.

Please let our homestudy be turned in soon...

The social worker that did our home study said she was going to try to have it in last Monday. This week, she told the family recruiter that she'd have it in my this week Monday. Here it's already Wednesday and I just found out that it hasn't been turned in yet. I thought it had already been turned in. It's making me nervous to wait. The family recruiter said she didn't know what was going on either and has emailed the social worker to find out when it's going to be. I hope she didn't mean this coming Monday. Please let our report get turned in this week, Abba. We are ready to receive the kids. Granted, we'll have a lot of organizing to do once we get them as we don't know who we're getting and what age they are. I'll be all set on clothes for the girls, but I don't have anything for boys so we'll have to go to the store. I have an infant car seat, but I don't have anything else besides the booster seat that Deidra still rides in. And we have a crib and a toddler bed, but we'll have to go buy bunk beds if their old enough for those. It's good that I already know what I'm getting if needed. It's just a matter of getting the kids.

Homestudy approval...

I e-mailed the family recruiter today to make sure that she received the last of the documents that we needed last week. I had put them on her chair for her since she was out of the office. She e-mailed me back saying that she got everything and had sent our file over for auditing to make sure that everything was in. She said that all they were waiting on now was home study approval from the agency director. Please let us be approved soon and let those placements start coming. I am so ready and I know that Deidra is too. Andy is patiently waiting...

Thank you, Abba, for all that you have blessed us with. Our family is just so blessed....

We're home free.

I turned in all of our paperwork today. Well, all except for the sheet the school had to sign off on (they wouldn't do it until the kids' are placed) so that's just a note in our file right now. But, now she's turning our file over to the gal who's going to do our homestudy and hopefully our first meeting will be next week. YEAH!

Thank you so much, Abba, for helping us get this all done this week like I had wanted.

Help us to get it all finished today...

Well, Andy made the property diagram last night and we e-mailed it to Amy. She was impressed with how professional it looked. I went afterwork and got the dentist's sign off on the medical and dental sheet. I came home and did the training on being the medical consenter so we can make decisions on medical treatment for the children. I just printed off our certificates. We have the rest of our homework to finish up tonight and then I just have to run to Deidra's school and have the principal sign off on the education plan for the children and then we are done. I can run it all over to Amy tomorrow afternoon. We should have our first home visit next week. Wow!

Please help us to get it all done and turned in by tomorrow! Thank you so much, Abba, for helping all the pieces to fall into place.

Almost home free...

This was the e-mail that I just received from our social worker...

We just need the property diagram, education plan, child doctor/dentist, PRIDE homework, Medical Consent, and the policies packet I need to give you. Then you’ll be home free!

YEAH!!! I should have everything done by Friday!!! Andy's going to do up the property diagram for me tonight. I'm taking the education sheet into the school on Thursday morning, the dentist just needs to sign off on his portion on Thursday, we're going to finish up our homework this week, the Medical consent training is 3 hours so I'm going to do my best to do that on Thursday...and the policies packet is being printed up...so I just need to sign that once she has it. Then, we're ready for our homestudy! We're hoping to get the first visit scheduled for next week! YEAH!!!!

Thank you, Abba...I was so worried about those criminal history checks. We got the one from MI and they said not to worry about the one from IL. She said the central registry clearances from each state should be all we need. I'm so thankful that we don't have to waste more time waiting for that.

Criminal History Checks for MI and IL

Well, we finally figured out where and what we needed. With MI, we could do them right online through the state police department...so I already got our results and e-mailed them to our social worker. With IL, I had to order the forms...so I'm hoping and praying that they'll come in the mail before the end of the week so we can fill them out, the check made out, and get them mailed back in so they can get our results back to us. I'm praying it won't take too long.

Our foster/adopt file was audited...

I'm going to cry. Here's all of what we need yet...

* We didn't do the MI and IL part all the way, I guess. We got the child abuse check clearances, but I never knew that we needed criminal history checks from each state as well...so I have to hunt down where to get those. I'm going to start with the state police depts and go from there. It's after hours now, so I'll have to do that after work tomorrow.

* I need to give them copies of new Texas driver's licenses. I can give them Andy's, but I don't have mine yet as I still need to go to the eye doctor before I can get mine.

* Copy of Deidra's social security card* Disaster plan form needs to be signed and completed

* I need to make some changes to our fire escape plan

* there's no record of me (Jess) taking water safety although I did

* AAPI Child Preference Questionnaire (I swear I turned this in)

* SAFE Questionnaires (we filled them out yesterday and I just have to turn them in)

* Property diagram (Sketch showing yard, fences, bodies of water, driveways, buildings, etc.)

* Weapon Storage Form

* Education Plan Form

* Child doctor/dentist form

* PRIDE homework

* Medical Consent training (online)

* Policies Packet

Wow...some of this stuff was never put in our packets....UGH

Abba, please help us get all this in as quickly as possible and guide us as to where we need to go to get our criminal history checks from MI and IL.

This whole business trip thing...

Ok, let's start from the beginning...Andy and I set a plan in place that we were going to wrap these last few things up that we needed to do for our foster/adopt stuff so that we could finally be done with everything. I told Andy before that if we could get our inspections done by the end of the month/first week in May that all we had left to do was to get our homestudy done in 2-3 visits and that depending on the scheduling of that we'd hopefully be done by the 2nd or 3rd week in May and then we'd be ready to go. I changed my availability at work as well. Starting May 14 I'm only working weekends. If they won't honor that, my last day with Home Depot is May 11. Hopefully, I'll find out about that next week.

Anyway, Andy called me earlier this week on his way home from work saying that they had talked to him about an "optional" trip to New York to do inventory in their 2 offices. Now, they had been joking about it with him before for the last few months and I had always told him that if he went to NY, I wanted to go with him. We were only joking. I never thought it would actually happen and he didn't either. I asked him when it would be and he mentioned that it would be the 2nd or 3rd week of May. I immediately brought up our foster/adopt stuff as this is going to play a part in the timing of our home study if he goes then and I really don't want to delay it any longer. Not to mention, he is leaving on a weekend and I have to work weekends. My Mom and brother who normally would watch her already have a commitment on the weekends through the end of May, so I'm a little stuck on who I'd get for a sitter for her. I asked him if they could have someone else go (the idea was already put out there for someone else to go if Andy wasn't available...the trip is "optional" for Andy to go) this time and he'd go next time so we could stick with our current plan of getting the foster/adopt stuff done like we had planned. He got pretty bent out of shape with me. We had our first argument that we've had in a long time and both of us are pretty adamant about our reasonings. He's afraid that he's going to make a bad impression if he chooses not to go. I don't know what he's so afraid of...his whole dept knows what we're trying to do...they had even talked to me about it at the dinner we went to a few weeks ago and they are very supportive of what we're trying to do. They are a very family driven company as well, so I don't see it being a problem really if he doesn't go. He just gets so worked up about work stuff ever since he got laid off. He want to leave no room for error on his part which I do respect...if this weren't an optional thing for him yes, I'd be upset, but I'd totally understand him having to go. Maybe I'm being selfish, I don't know...it's just that I don't want to have to keep putting off these last few things and he knows that I just changed my availability so that we could start accepting placements as well. But, we can't do that until our homestudy is done and I guess right now I just see that as being more important than him going off to New York for a week for an optional trip that he really doesn't have to go on. Anyway, I'm tired of arguing with him over it and I give the situation to You, Abba. I know that you know what is best here.

More to do today...

I am going to try and set up the appt for our environmental health inspection again today...the lady never called me back yesterday. I also am typing up some things that I need to turn in with our paperwork and then I'll be heading over there this morning to turn it all in. I have some stuff to take pics of to put up on ebay and some bins to sort through to get my scrapbooking stuff back in order so I can continue doing Deidra's book and getting things in order to be able to start the foster kids. I can't believe that we're really almost ready for our homestudy. I can't wait to get our first placement. We spent a lot of time getting the house in order for our inspection yesterday and the house is really starting to take shape. We probably spent too much money yesterday, but we got some organizational stuff and I'm just glad that things are looking better around here.

I'm also drafting a letter to our landlord. Andy talked to them about taking out a 6-month lease so we could start the house building process now. He said that he would only do a 1-year lease as if we did it for 6 months that would put our lease ending in September and it's too hard to find renters then with the kids all back in school already. I'm listing the problems that we've had here in the letter and I'm just going to see if that makes any difference. I really don't want to stay here another year and we could definitely use the extra room in the new house. I'll send them the letter presenting our case andI'll pray about it and quit stressing over it and see what the Lord does with it I guess.

Abba, help us to stay on task and to be able to finish all of this soon. I also pray that we will be able to start the house building process sooner rather than later, but I know Your timing is perfect and it will all work out one way or another.

Lots of things accomplished yesterday...

I can't believe that we're almost ready for the home study. 2 inspections to go (our fire inspection is the 25th and I'm trying to set up our environmental health inspection for the same day...the lady hasn't called me back yet) and then we're there!


* We took all 8 kitties in to get vaccinated yesterday.

* We cleaned out some clutter and got the main rooms of the house prepped, babyproofed, and organized.

* We did some of our homework. It's all about attachment and bonding and is a good read for any parent or caregiver, I think. It made me think about some things though regarding my own childhood and losing my Mom and so forth. I may journal about it over at hoffmanfamilyjourney.blogspot.com ...I haven't decided. If anything though, it helps me to know that I'll be able to help the children by having gone through some of this myself.

* We got all of our paperwork together that we have collected and put it all in a manilla envelope so that I can turn it all in tomorrow. We still have a couple of things left to do for it all to be complete...but we're 95% done.

* We just collected our auto insurance, rental insurance, income tax return, and our verification of our last 3 months of income together for Andy to make copies of today so I can turn all that in on Monday as well.

* I need to type up our fire escape plan, disaster plan, alternative care plan, house rules, and our schedules of weekdays, weekends, and summer tonight/tomorrow morning so that I can turn all that in this afternoon as well.

It feels great to be almost done...I am so ready to accept our first placement(s)!