Field Day and MDO Program

I dropped Deidra off at school and came home and got the littles ready for MDO. I dropped them off and ran home to answer an email that we needed to answer about our adoption for our homestudy. Then, I ran up to Deidra's school to see her in Field Day for a few minutes. I spent most of the time looking for her, so I was only able to spend about 5 minutes with her before I had to dash off to the littles program at MDO. I got some cute pics of Deidra with her classmates and she was wanting me to sign her out early to go to see the kids performance, but I told her that I didn't think that was a good idea as I wanted her to be able to finish her Field Day with her classmates. She hugged me good-bye and she was so excited that I went up there with her. I've been trying to go have lunch with her on Fridays when the kids are in MDO so she gets some special time with me. We're trying to do that with all the kids too. I felt my eyes welling with tears. I hugged her good-bye and told her I'd see her later.

Then, I ran around the corner to go to the littles MDO performance. They were all so cute and as I sat waiting for them to come in with their classes, I felt my eyes welling with tears again. I am so proud of all of them. Little E came in first dressed in her little green frog shirt. Then, Baby J came in wearing his orange pumpkin shirt. Little T came in shortly after wearing her white sheet shirt. They were doing a Color Song program and all the songs were color-themed. They were darling. However, I was a bit embarrassed that Baby J spent the whole time they were on stage rubbing all over another little boys shirt and the boy was trying to get away from him and Baby J kept grabbing his arms and hugging him and the mom was sitting in front of me and made the comment that Baby J is always doing stuff like that to him. I was horribly embarrassed. Little E had the look of a deer standing in headlights. I think all the people scared her. I waved to her and she started shaking her head no. Baby T was the one who got into doing all the moves and dancing and I was at the completely wrong angle to get all the cute pics of her and the auditorium was complely full. When they were done, Little E started crying and Baby J threw a complete fit in his room because he wanted his lunch and he needed his pill. I explained to him that we'd go home and get that stuff because they were getting out early today. On the way out to the car, he found the cookie table and went running for it. I was trying to tell him to wait and he was just grabbing for stuff and he almost knocked over the table. He threw a fit over not being able to have more than one and as I was trying to get them all out the front door, everybody was staring at me. I was horribly embarrassed and not one person even offered to open the door so here I am with all of them trying to finagle their bags, his temper tantrum and Little E was still crying because she was scared and Baby T just wanted to go home. We get out to the car and the people next to us were trying to get in their car and leave. Baby J was mad so he threw his cookie on the ground and I told him that was the end of that. Next thing I know is he's arching his back and trying to head butt me and he's screaming at the top of his lungs as the people sit and look at me. There wasn't anything I could do to move faster to get out of there so they could leave. So finally, he backed their truck up and she climbed in. He screamed all the way home and I got them inside so they could pick up their toys from this morning before the occupational therapist got here. Thankfully, this afternoon seems to be going better than this morning.

The Love Dare--Day 24

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

I think I need to learn to be content with who and what my husband is and in the areas that I'm totally not content with to give them to God and pray about them more. Such as, I was drawn to a guy that I used to work with that also went to church with me. I felt drawn to him because I could share my faith with him and he represented the light of Christ. I often miss sharing my faith with Andy and having him guide our family spiritually. I need to learn to pray about these things more and give these areas back to God. He knows what is best for all of us.

Affirmations

We had to read 3 books for our adoption classes. One down...2 to go. Anyway, I really liked these affirmations from the book Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew...

I will do my best to connect with you.

You can count on me.

You can push, but I will not let you push me away.

I will care for you and for myself.

We can both tell the truth and be responsible for our behaviors.

I support you in learning what you may want to know about your history and heritage.

You are lovable just the way you are.

The Love Dare--Day 23

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

I think our big thing right now is trying to balance our time...we have so much going on right now that we are trying to practice better time management. He quit chatting so much on Facebook as well as doing Farm Town constantly and that helps as well. I also made out a House Schedule so we know what's going on that day of the week as well, so we can schedule time around those things for one another.

What a busy day...

8 am -- speech for Baby T

8:30 am -- quarterly monitoring and monthly home visit with new case worker

10 am -- subsidy paperwork with Baby J's adoption worker

1:30 pm -- med check with Baby J

6:30 pm -- training and Baby J's T-ball practice

The Love Dare--Day 22

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

Abba, I pray that You will fill me with the kind of love that only You can provide...You love us so unconditionally. I pray that I will always give Andy my unconditional love. I pray that You will always show me how to give to Andy in a way that truly reflects my gratefulness to You for loving me so that I always show the qualities of unconditional love and faithfulness. Amen.

The Love Dare--Day 21

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

I think being fed by God's Word will definitely help. I don't make time to do this as often as I should. I always seem to use being too busy with the kids and everything else going on as an excuse. But, I need to sit down and set aside some time each day, even if it's only 15 minutes, to sit and spend with Him. God needs to be the true center of our home and He desperately wants us to spend time with Him and I think if I can truly reflect in His Word that it will greatly help my relationship with Him, my husband, and my children.

I love our occupational therapist...

She came over yesterday and Baby J has been a handful and a half lately. She was working with Little E and Baby J was just all over the place and screaming bloody murder when everything wouldn't go his way and then he'd start laughing when he'd get a time out. One time out he started spitting and laughing and I asked him to stop and he continued to do it and so I picked him up and put him in his room where he didn't have an audience and when he came back out everything was a test after a test with him. I knew part of it was that he was dead tired, but he wouldn't give in and just rest. Anyway, when it got to be his OT time, she sat him down and did some deep compressions on him and that relaxed him and I've never seen him lay so still for so long. He did his occupational therapy time and the OT and I talked. I asked her if she thought there was more to him than ADHD and sensory processing issues and she said she wouldn't be surprised to see him being ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and that he wasn't exposed to drugs or alcohol at some point when mom was pregnant. I told her that I had found a sensory board and a lady in Chicago told me that the biggest thing that helped their family was a clinic at the hospital that had a sensory type school and they focused a lot on behavioral therapy as well and now a year and a half later he's doing a whole lot better. She told me that there is a child study clinic in the area in Ft. Worth that I could take him too and they would sit down with a panel of doctors and test him and we could see exactly what we were dealing with and they'd tell us if he needed to see the neurologist on a regular basis, or if he needed more psychiatrist appts, or if he needed behavioral therapy (I think this one is a given), and they could do the CAT scans and so forth to be able to tell us exactly what is going on with him and why he's the way that he is. She told me that if they felt he needed it that they also had a school there. Granted, it would mean that I'd have to drive him out there and so forth, but if this is what it takes, I will do it. I felt a great sense of peace and relief when she told me about this. I've always said that she is my biggest supporter when it comes to him as I don't think anybody else sees the big picture of how he is. She told me yesterday that she doesn't understand how I do it everyday and that if he was her first, she would have never had another child. She thinks I do an awesome job, so that was nice to hear!

Baby J's adoption is moving along...

I got all of our paperwork turned in on Friday. I told her to let us know if anything was missing. Well, I was talking to my Mom and she said that she never turned her reference in because it was the same form she filled out 2 years ago. I told her that we had to totally redo our whole packet, so she said she had to finish it up. Hopefully, she can get that turned in asap as our homestudy needs to be signed off on. Anyway, that's all we're missing I think. Anyway, his CPS adoption worker called yesterday and said that she's coming out to do his subsidy papers with us and she said I can call the attorney and they'll get him a court date. So, sometime in June he'll be ours! Wow!

I feel old!

My baby brother turned 19 yesterday. Where does the time go? I so can remember him being born and going to see him at the hospital. I remember taking him to the park when he was little and having to babysit and now he's 19 and graduates from high school on June 7. I feel old!

Prayers for my Mom

Lord, I lift up my Mom to you and pray that You will give her job protection. With all the problems that the auto industry is having and Chryslers announcements yesterday and today...they lost the Chrysler part of her dealership. With upcoming announcements of which dealerships they will be closing, she is very nervous about it and upset. I pray that you will give her job security, Abba. My Dad is worried about her and I thought it was awfully sweet that he was willing to help her out if need be to help her stay on her feet. I can see his heart changing as well and I can see You at work. I lift my Mom up to you Lord and I pray that you will protect her job.

The Love Dare--Day 20

Today, I am officially half way throough the Love Dare. Wow! Learning a lot about this thing called love. Learning alot about myself and marriage as well and I am striving to be the wife that God wants me to be.

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to Trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But You have shown Your Love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your Power to save me from death by Your Ressurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your Grace."

This is a very good reminder...it's something I don't always stop to remember just how awesome our God is to give His Son for us...He loves us SO much. It's importantnt to think of this when we want to learn about what love really is. What a beautiful gift our God has given us and what a beautiful gift of love that Jesus gave...His life for ours so that we could be with him in Heaven one day and live with Him in our hearts here on this earth.

Thinking about starting a blog for Baby J's Mom...

I'm so torn on this issue. On one hand, I want to start a blog about Baby J so that his birthmom can keep tabs on him and watch him grow. On the other hand, I'm still mad at her for not showing up to his good-bye visit and all. She called his adoption worker about a month or so ago and wanted to still be able to see him and call him and with his behavior issues over the last few times that he saw her, I don't see that being in his best interest right now. However, part of my heart goes out to her and she's due to have another baby in August and she wants him to be able to know his sister and vice versa. I thought the blog may be a good idea as if he decides when he's older that he would like to meet them, we have some sort of contact now. Andy thinks she had her chance and she blew it and my Mom said something similar when I broached the subject with her. I hate to see people hurting and yet I feel that if happened to me I would want someone to share pics and stories with me of my child. I set up the domain name today and I'm going to keep praying about it before I go any further. Keep me in your prayers on this one. My emotions have been all over the place.

The Love Dare--Day 19

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

I really had a hard time not saying anything negative. It's like I felt such a need to have my feelings heard and responded to that I just couldn't stop myself. I have definitely learned that I need God to help me through this and that God has to be the center of our marriage. I think some days are harder than others and other days I don't struggle at all and I want to do these for him. On the days that I struggle, I try to give my heart to God and do it for Him as I know that He wants me to do this for my husband. I really do want my marriage to be a good one and centered around Christ though and so most days I don't really struggle and find the dares to be fun. I think the only thing that I find hard sometimes is learning that we're supposed to do things for our husbands and family and that we're not supposed to necessarily expect the thank you's for doing those things. The thank you would go a long way to show appreciation, but I have to keep reminding myself that even if my husband doesn't show appreciation for what all I do or even my kids...that God does and that He appreciates all that I do. I'm learning to give my frustrations back to God as He sees the true intentions of my heart and knows my struggles when I get aggravated.

Abba, I pray that You will help me a great wife to Andy and a great mother to my children, I pray that you will always keep my heart on fire with love for Andy and that I will always keep his interests and intentions at heart. I ask for your forgiveness where I have done wrong by Andy and pray that you will help to change my heart when needed.

The Love Dare--Day 18

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

I asked my hubby some things that he'd like to accomplish over the next couple of months. He talked a lot about how the house was bothering him, he wanted to get more organized, and so forth. I never realized that the house was such a cause of stress for him. I took it a bit personally as I'm the one that is home all day. I told him that I'm really trying to clean more and so forth, but the kids mess up whatever I have done for the day usually by the time he gets home. He said that he understands that the kids keep me more than busy and that he doesn't consider it my job 100% to have the house clean and organized and he acknowledged that he needed to start stepping up more too. He talked about the house for at least an hour. I'm really going to try to do a bit more, even if I have to go have the kids pick up their toys and so forth a few minutes before he comes home so he can at least come home to a house that isn't so cluttered with all their toys since the playroom is the first room that you walk into. We didn't really get a chance to talk about much else. I didn't have a chance to just have dinner for us either as the kids all needed to eat as well. So, I may try to do a special dinner for us over the weekend after the kids are in bed. I did tell him that I also think that if we're going to put us on such a tight schedule that we needed to schedule in time for us and for ourselves with the kids so that they all get one-on-one time as well. I just feel that relationships are more important than getting certain things (like ebay or computer time) done. He was able to see where I was coming from, so that was good.

Mother's Day

I had a really great Mother's Day. We went to church and then came home and Andy made me breakfast...eggs and sausage. Then, we went to the Dallas Zoo. The kids had a blast and it was perfect weather to be there. My Mom called while we were there and said she brought me a gift to the back door so to be sure to get it before the kids found it. Awww! We went to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner and a lady that was sitting at the table next to us was fascinated with our family. She was interacting with the kids at times and when I got up to get something she told me how very fortunate and blessed that I was that Deidra was such a big helper and how good the kids all were. It felt really good and it was really nice and just added to the day. We came home and I found my gift from Mom...Trejor perfume from Lancome. My Grandma got me hooked on that stuff and now everytime I smell it, I think of her. I was almost out of my old bottle, so it was perfect timing. She came over later so we could go for a walk and we talked about the past, the now, and the future and she told me with tears in her eyes how I was a daughter and a mother with the biggest and best heart in the whole wide world. I got choked up, but it was a really good feel good moment between us. It meant a lot to me. I had a really great day!

The kids all gave me their little presents on Friday. Deidra made me a card out of a kitchen scrubber that she had turned into a flower. Baby J made me a teapot with "World's Best Mom" and his picture on it. Little E planted a flower and the pot said "Happy Mother's Day." Baby T painted a handprint on a poem and it was framed. I had tears in my eyes when they all gave me their little things. I was going to give their gifts to their Mom for Mother's Day, but when I mentioned that Little E said "no, that's for you, not ____" so I kept them. I'm going to do something else for her for Mother's Day though.

Praying for my parents...

Lord, I lift my parents up to you. You know each of their hearts, their hurts, their wants, and their fears. Dad desperately wants to come back, but he knows that he has to make himself right with You first. Mom is scared that she's going to face the same hurts if she lets him come back a little while down the road. She asked me this weekend if she thought his heart had changed. I desperately want to believe that it has and I see him doing things that I've never seen him do before that make me believe that he's really trying to set the right foot forward. I understand her fears as well though. I was doing my Love Dare today and it just came over me to share with my Dad about The Love Dare and ask him if he had a copy. He said he recently got one and was thinking about doing it on Mom, but he would need to be creative since he's in the truck all the time. He didn't know what to do for some steps...I told him to pray to You and You would lead him to what he's supposed to do. They are both scared, but I think if he just gives her more time and is patient and keeps showing her that he is trying to put the best foot forward that he has a real chance. However, I know that's not my decision to really make either. I lift them both up to you, Lord, and I pray that you can open their eyes to truly see one another and their intentions for one another. I pray for their relationship, Lord. I pray that you will restore it and that they can have a Godly marriage together.

The Love Dare--Day 17

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

I don't know that we really have any secrets from each other. We're pretty open about things and we trust each other. I will pray that it always stays that way and that we never break the circle of trust that we have with one another. I pray that we always remain faithful to one another as well and that we always stay true to one another in matters of temptation.

The Love Dare--Day 16

Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.

Lord, I lift Andy up to you and I pray first and foremost that he can develop a stronger relationship with You. I know that he believes in You and he goes to church with us on Sundays, but I would love to be able to share more of my faith with him and it would be nice if he could give me and our children some spiritual guidance now and then and lead our family spiritually.

I also know that he constantly worries about job stability ever since he was laid off when Deidra was a baby. I pray that You will always keep his job safe where he works and give him peace in this area.

I also pray that you will always keep our marriage strong and that we always stay true to one another and trust one another. May we always have each other to go to for comfort, love, and companionship. Our marriage has been through our ups and downs, but we've always come through it all knowing that we have each other. Please continue to bless our marriage.

I lift Andy up to you, O Lord, I pray that you will bless him and that he will always be respectful of his family and that you will always keep his heart open with love and support for myself and for his children, Deidra and Baby J, and all the children that you bring into our lives...foster or adoptive.

Great...

Deidra just informed me that she has lunch detention because she has had 10 tardies for the school year. Yeah, nevermind the fact that the last one she got was when the tornado sirens were going off and it was pouring buckets of rain when I was trying to get everyone into the car. Her school really bothers me sometimes with it's no tolerance policies. I understand teaching kids to be responsible and so forth, but there are some things that are out of our control (such as the weather)...and her school is strict about it as well...there have been times that we have been waiting in line and the cars in front of us are taking their sweet time and she gets out a minute late and she comes home with a tardy slip. We'd been sitting in the car line for a few minutes waiting and yet it's a tardy. There are times that I've taken her directly to the front door so that she avoids being tardy and she still comes home with a tardy slip...when I complained about it they informed me that any student coming through the front door they count automatically tardy. How stupid is that?? She comes in to avoid being tardy, yet she's still tardy. UGH!

The Love Dare--Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

I wrote him at work and told him that I wanted him to go out and play disc golf with the guys at work. He had turned their invitation down to help me at home and so forth, but I told him I was really ok with him going. He wound up coming home for lunch to surprise me and I was out with the kids and I didn't bring my cell phone since it was dead and almost out of minutes. I came home to find a really sweet note from him...he came home to get a change of clothes and to tell me that he loved me and to give us all hugs and kisses. Anyway, he went out and had a good time! I wanted him to know that I did respect what he wanted to do as far as work outings and so forth went and that he didn't always have to be home to help me.

The Love Dare--Day 14

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

I meant to post this yesterday and didn't have time so here it is. I went up and listened to him play his harpsichord. Something I don't really enjoy, but I know he loves to play and I wanted to show that I supported his efforts to learn it and I know that he really loves it. We were able to sit and talk after he was done playing as well and it was just really nice.

Meet Lucy...

Deidra and I have been wanting to get a dog for quite some time and Andy just isn't a dog person. Well, our speech therapist had mentioned that she runs an animal rescue and was looking for a home for a french bulldog that she had. I talked to Andy about it the other day and he asked for more information and so I left a message for her.

Well, today we went to our town's first annual celebration of Cinco de Mayo and the police were there with a tub of free puppies. This one won our hearts...the kids and I love her already. Her name is Lucy and she's 3 months old. Andy says he really wasn't for getting her and that he got outvoted, but yet he sneaks in petting her and talking to her too...so I think it won't be long and she'll have his heart too. The kitties have been sniffing at her but don't seem all that bothered by her. She's a very sweet dog and loves to cuddle and she lets the kids do whatever to her. I think she's a good match for us and vice versa as well.

She's a mutt, but a cute one. They think her dad is a border collie and her mom is part Weimaraner / Staffordshire mix.

The Love Dare--Day 13

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Our biggest problem lately when it comes to disagreements is that we don't listen completely, we cut each other off and we make snide comments or we start arguing our side of things without waiting until the other person is done trying to tell their side of things. We determined that we were going to set aside more time to sit and talk and that we were going to try to listen better without interrupting one another and that we were going to try to manage our time better so that we felt that we were spending adequate time together to discuss things and just have personal time together.