Desperate Households Part 4 -- Desperate for Respect

Dear Abba, please help us to remember to always show our men respect. Help us to always be respectful of one another. I've always said that you have to give respect to receive respect. Help us all learn how to give more respect to one another.

Notes...

This one is for us women. It's what our men really truly seek from marriage.

Words of affirmation are important as our words hold more power than what we think.

There are two cycles in marriage. The first one is the crazy cycle. Without love, she reacts (negative words..anger...). Without respect, he reacts.

The second cycle is the energizing cycle. His love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.

You must have conquest. Appeciate his desire to work and achieve...don't nag or criticize him for working too hard. Most depression in a man's life comes when he's not working or providing or achieving up to par.

Women need to tell them how much they value their hard work and allow them time to talk about their work day. If you want them to listen to you, then take some time to listen to them.

Spend time with them if they announce big news...such as a promotion. Don't blow it off for later. They need to know that you're excited for them and that their hard work is appreciated.

The husband is to be the head of the home. Wives submit to your husbands and husbands need to love your wives. Husbands do not dominate with evil thoughts over wives and children. Women, if this happens, pray for them in these instances and submit the best way that you can. You are not expected to submit to anything evil as we are to be submissive to God first.

Women want to be treated like princesses without treating their husbands like kings. Go back to the energizing cycle and realize that if we treat them like kings, they'll be motivated to treat us like princesses.

Appreciate him and ooh and aah over him. Don't laugh or be mocking towards him. If there's a problem offer solutions to problems quietly. Appreciate his desire to lead and respect and honor him.

Comedies often show that the men aren't capable and are always making wrong decisions and that the women must do everything.

Women be will willing to put yourselves under your husbands leadership, authority, and direction. Do all you can to respect your husbands and set an example for your children. Women avoid lecturing, criticizing, and preaching at your husbands.

To both the husbands and the wives, look at how you are in your marriage and think about if you would want your son/daughter to marry someone like you one day.

The words we speak have great power.

We need to appreciate his ability to analyze and counsel...fixing things or putting them together without needing directions.

Encourage and motivate him positively to do certain things (cleaning the house or picking up after himself) without nagging or criticizing.

Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder companionship and don't worry about all the housework that needs to be done if he just wants you to sit next to him for awhile. He's seeking your closeness and companionship and sometimes may want to talk.

Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy. Don't deprive one another of sexual needs...Sex is a gift from God for marriage that should not be avoided.

The women's emotional needs must be met and men's sexual intimacy needs must be met. We tend to think only about our needs at the time, however both of your needs deserve to be met.

Wives show respect to your husbands and husbands love your wives the way that Christ loves His church.

Desperate Households Part 3 -- Desperate for Love

Hi Abba. I pray for the men in our lives to come to know the true way to love their spouses and I pray that we in return give them the true love that they need in their lives as well.

Notes...

This sermon is mainly for the guys...it tells what women want out of marriage. The next topic is Desperate for Respect and is for the women telling them what men want from marriage. We're going to spell the word "Couple" and that if you don't do any or all of these things that this is when problems really get bad and people go looking to get their needs met in other places. Obviously that's not a marriage so these are the keys to making your women happy. Obviously we need to keep this in mind for our men too, ladies. :-)

C is for closeness. She wants you to be close with her. She wants you to make connections with her. She wants you to make contact with her.

O is for openness. She wants you to open up so that you can solve problems together, and be willing to listen.

U is for understanding. She wants you to understand that she doesn't want you to fix her...she just wants you to listen. She's delicate and she's worthy of honor and respect. Don't be bitter towards her and understand that while men want to fix things so that they can move forward, that women aren't like that and will remember any past arguments that you have had because if you don't resolve them they still bother her later. She wants to share her goals out of life and have you understand their importance to her so that you can both make them happen together.

P is for peacemaking. She wants you to say "I'm sorry" and it's important not to be stubborn but to submit to one another.

L is for loyalty. You can't have a marriage without it. She needs to know that you're committed to God in every aspect of your life and then she will do better and know that you are committed just as much to her and that you will love her just as much. Often, women are more loyal to their men, than men are loyal to their men.

E is for esteemed. She wants to know that you're thinking about her and that you love her without her having to prompt you for what she wants and needs to hear.

It's important to do all these things...they don't need to be done all at one time, but they need to be done and remembered and if they are...you will have a great marriage. If these basic needs aren't met, women go looking for them to be met in other places and your marriage begins to break apart. Women need their love tanks to be filled on a regular basis.

A book for us to read is "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Everitch. :-)

Cramps...

Well, AF showed her face today and man do I have some heavy duty cramps. Please help the cramps to get better soon, Abba. I just don't have the gumption to do anything today but sit because of them. I do seem to notice that my cycles seem to be getting better though....this cycle was 30 days long. Did I mention that I'm off of all my diabetes meds too? I'm so happy about that. I weaned myself off. I go to the doctor in a couple of weeks and I can't wait to see what he says.

Got my starbucks fix...

I haven't been feeling 100% the past few days...stomach feels off and I've been very tired. I've also been very moody and my period is due any day. Add to that, the fact that my body's plumbing has been a little backed up and I was feeling pretty miserable this morning. I decided that I was going to have some Starbucks to try and get to feeling better if you get what I mean. :-) So, I treated myself to a pumpkin frappuccino and a pumpkin cheesecake muffin. Mmmm. At least I got my Starbucks fix since I only allow myself the treat once in a blue moon since I only like the frappuccinos and those can get a little pricey. Please let my period show up so that I can get to feeling better soon, Abba.

Desperate Households Part 2 -- Desperate For A Relationship

Abba, help us all to form good, solid, healthy relationships with one another. Help us to be the friend that we all need to be to one another. Help us to be the good parent to our children that our children desperately need. Help us to be the good spouse to our spouses and learn to treat them with the love, honor, and respect that we all want as well. Help us to learn that we need to put others before ourselves. Help us all to have good relationships with one another and treat one another as we want to be treated.

Notes....

Seek help when trouble comes. We pretend that our lives are better than they are. We all have problems and need to be cared for, but we must share with one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.

The key to life is our relationships with people. Our relationships with people show what are relationship is with God.

Relationships in life tell everything about your heart.

Love God with your whole heart and treat others as you want to be treated.

Submit to others--life is not all about us.

Love is a submission of your will. Real love is a choice. We don't just fall into love like it shows on movies and tv.

Often we confuse the emotion we feel when we're first attracted to someone as love. Feelings come and go. Real love is a choice of our will. Real love is always a choice that is backed up by action. With no action, you begin to take one another for granted.

Refer to 1 Corinithians 13 if you want to know what true love is.

Real love is not easy or simple. We must learn it. We must continue to learn throughout life.

Real love is giving rather than straining to attract it.

Accept people exactly as they are. Don't criticize or compare to others....(Your sister wouldn't have done that...Your brother would have done this...why can't you be like the Jones'). They won't fit into your unfulfilled expectations.

You have to have unity to have a successful marriage. You must have submission to the same goals and priorities in life...(careers, finances, having children, family time, and spiritual development).

You must have reconciliation. This is the key to maintaining good relationships. Accusing and blaming one another doesn't help. Don't let the sun go down on anger. Sit down and admit both faults and work it out. Bitterness and anger start to form if you hold on to it.

Care more about others than yourself.

Submit your life and relationships to Jesus and make Him the Lord of your life. Become aware of who you are in Christ, who you are in your marriage, as a parent, as a friend, and in all of your relationships.

7 Songs

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether or not they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal/blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. Far Away by Nickelback
2. Could Not Ask For More by Sara Evans
3. Just Make Me Believe by Sugarland
4. Everytime We Touch by Cascada
5. Life Ain't Always Beautiful (not sure who sings that one)
6. Savin' Me by Nickelback
7. Sunshine and Summertime by Faith Hill

So now that I’ve completed my mission, I’m going to tag:

1. Vicki
2. Jenn
3. Cory
4. Amy
5. Leslie
6. Kim
7. Tonya

Desperate Households Part 1 -- State of the Union

Abba, please help our families to start staying together again. Help us get these statistics back to where they should be. Please lead everyone to the right marriage partner and give them the patience to wait for Your perfect timing. Please give our children happy homes to grow up in.

Did you know that...

only 63% of children grow up with their biological parents?

40% of marriages end in divorce?

Marriage rates continue to decline as co-habitation is on the rise.

Co-habitants have twice the rate of ending in divorce.

The US has the weakest families in the world.

Don't rush into marriage--wait for the person that God has intended for you patiently.

Marriage is 2 imperfect people unconditionally committed to an unknowable future.

Desperate Households...

I'm going to start posting the notes that I took from the Desperate Household series at this website: http://www.fumcniceville.org/sernotes/index.html . You can listen online as the sermons do a lot more justice and service than my notes, but I wanted to share what I learned as I believe that it can definitely benefit all of us. I know that it definitely helped my marriage to get back on track.

Thank you, Abba, for blessing my marriage and helping us get over the rocks. I want to lift up the marriages of our friends and family members and I pray that you will bless all of them and help anyone having a hard time and give them renewed hope, love, and happiness together.

Speaking of my Grandma...

Abba, I really miss her. I've been thinking a lot about her lately. There was an older couple that came into HD today. The Grandma was babysitting her great-grandaughter and I was just ringing them up and listening to her babble at the baby girl. It reminded me so much of watching my Grandma with Deidra. I instantly teared up and I was in the middle of ringing them up at the time. All I could see was my Grandma with Deidra...I totally blanked out in the middle of the transaction. Thankfully my brain took over and I didn't make a fool out of myself, but it was a bittersweet moment. I'm so glad that my Grandma got to meet our precious little angel. She always loved babies and I'm glad that Deidra got to know her for a year and a half before she died. We still talk about her and she knows who she is in pictures.

Abba, tell my Grandma for me that I really miss her and that I love her and give her a hug from me. I can so see her up there in Heaven with you walking in the gardens with my Mom and her baby girl, Dale Ann. I'm sure she's told Mom all about baby D too. :-) She's got lots of loved ones up there with her now and I look forward to the day that I get to see her again.

The gift of time...

I wanted to clarify some thing from my last post...I know that we are given the gift of time each day that we are here on earth...heck I could narrow that down to each second that we are here as we never know when our time on earth here will be done. I know that we are given the chance to live our lives the best that we can be, to love one another, to forgive one another, and to take the time to say that we're sorry or "I love you." But, I know that there are times in our lives that some of us tend to hold grudges or have them held against us and that can be hurtful on either side. I look at the relationship with my Dad that for a long time after he left my Mom, I couldn't bare to talk to him. It hurt too much and he refused to look at the hurt that he was causing to our family...it was only all about him and the rest of us just had to get over it. I looked at how selfish he was being and for my own good, I had to quit talking to him for a long time. When I talked to him, I lashed out at Andy for days on end and I had horrid mood swings. When I quit talking to him I was absolutely fine. Or so I thought. A few months later, I had the thought of "what happens if something happens to Daddy on the road and you never get a chance to talk to him again?" I knew then that it was only myself that I was hurting. I'd live with that guilt for the rest of my life if he died or something major happened and I never got the chance to tell him how I felt or that I was sorry for hurting him. It was around that time that I realized that we only hurt ourselves by holding grudges or refusing to forgive someone. My Daddy and I talked shortly after I came to these realizations and we both had a good cry and were able to tell each other that we were sorry. I knew then that we'd never have the relationship that we once did because of some of the things that he's said and done to the family, but I knew that I had made an effort and I put our relationship into God's hands. We talk now almost every week and while some subjects are still hard for us, we've made peace with one another and I'm glad that we are in each other's lives again.

I know that when my Grandma had cancer (the first time) and thought she was dying. She called the whole family over to apologize to them. She wound up having a mental breakdown. Grandma had 8 kids and they lost a little baby girl, Dale Ann, when she was only a year and a half old. Dale Ann had gotten really sick and the doctor told my Grandma to give her some aspirin for her fever. The doctor told Grandma to give her too much and Grandma not knowing...did what the doctor told her to do. Dale Ann died shortly after that. Nobody in the family knew that Grandma had been dealing with the guilt from that incident all of her life. When she thought that she was dying from her first bout with cancer, she cried out about that and how it was all her fault and she apologized to all her kids about ever spanking them or hurting them. It was heartbreaking to see her like that. But, afterwards and a lot of shed tears on all of our parts, there was a big peace. She needed her time to confess that to her children and her husband and she needed to know from her children's standpoint that they didn't hold her responsible or hold any resentment or grudge against her. It was a healing time for everyone involved. Shortly after that, we found out that she was in remission from her cancer. But, she also told us that if she ever got it again, she wasn't fighting it as chemo and radiation had been too much for her. We got 6 more precious years with her after that before the cancer came back. But, I think when people have terminal illnesses...it makes you really look at your life and what you want people to know. It shouldn't take that to make people acknowledge certain mistakes that they've made or to tell someone how much they really mean to you...but at least if people finally talk about it in their final days...they were given the gift of saying it or being forgiven for something and along with that comes peace. That's all I was really trying to say in the aspect of wanting the chance to say my good-byes when my time comes. I want my family and friends to know how much I love them and that I'm sorry for anything wrong I've done towards them. And I just think being given that gift to say it one last time is one awesome gift to the person who is sick and for those who love them.

Dying

Hi Abba. I know that death is a part of life and that everybody has to do it. Just as you can't choose the moment you are born and to whom, you can't change how you die and when your moment finally comes. I was listening to my radio station that I always listen to this week and one of the DJ's had just lost his Grandpa and was having an extremely hard time with it (totally understandable) and people were writing him e-mails sharing their own experiences with him and giving him their support. Now I just heard that my friend's MIL is not doing well and they're calling hospice in for her. I hold this family in my prayers that they will have peace and comfort in this time.

All this got me to thinking though. I lost my Mom when I was 8. She spent 6 weeks in the hospital on life support before she made the decision that she wanted them to turn the machines off. They had told her that she would spend the rest of her life that she had on life support if she lived and she made the decision that she didn't want to be a vegetable and wanted them to turn off the machines. She didn't want to know the day they were going to do it though. She was totally surrounded with her family all the time and she had said her good-byes to everyone. I remember how she said good-bye to me, although she didn't tell me then that she was dying she told me while I sat on her hospital bed with her holding hands that "if anything happens to me, I'll always love you." The nurses took me out after that as they didn't want her to get too upset and we had both started to cry. She sent me a Strawberry Shortcake card in the mail with a very similar message as well that I still have to this day. On the day that she died, my Dad, my Grandparents (her parents) and all of her brothers and their wives were gathered around her hospital bed while she slept and they turned the machines off. I was at school when it happened...a sunny beautiful day. It's funny how I still remember that...there were barely any clouds in the sky.

I was 25 when my Grandma died and that was really hard on me as well. She called me to let me know that she had gotten out of the hospital and that hospice was being called in. I was so upset that nobody had called me when she was in the hospital so I could be with her. And then the news that her cancer was back and hospice was coming. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her... She was surrounded by her family during her last days. They called hospice in and a week later she was gone. My only regret during spending that weekend with her was that I would have made some of the family leave the room so I could have had "my own time" to say my good-byes to my Grandma. Instead, I never told her what I really wanted to say, although I know in my heart deep down that she already knew. I just wish I could have said it aloud to her.

But, it got me thinking hearing the DJ on the radio, that I've always said that I wanted to go peacefully in my sleep. While I would like to die a peaceful death, I think knowing a head of time when someone is sick like that and hospice is called in it gives the family time to say their good-byes to you and make peace with the decision.

One of my co-workers died last year. She lived alone and she just didn't show up at work one morning. We knew something had to be wrong for her not to be at work and not to be answering her phone and never had called in. We wound up being the ones that got the police to her house and they found her on the living room floor. She had died of a stomach anyeurism. It always bothered me that nobody was able to say good-bye to her or her to them.

Losing people that we love and care about is hard, but while I know that all of our days are numbered here on earth and we neither know the time or the hour that our death will happen, I think I would like to know when the time gets closer that it's time to start saying my good-byes...I still want to die peacefully...but I think I want the chance to say my good-byes. I think that gives the family much more peace as well. You all have a chance to say everything that you want to say to one another, tie up any loose ends, and you're given one last chance at forgiveness should there be anything that needs to be said there as well. And you're given the precious gift of time. Time to spend with that person in their final hours.

I had a customer threaten me yesterday...

Abba, I pray for protection around me and my family. I never thought that something like this would ever happen to me.

I think I'm still shook up about it. I had nightmares about it last night and when I tried talking to Andy about it yesterday after it happened, he got busy at work, and had to go and I just felt like he didn't actually care. I'm so glad that I'm off today though. It's always been in the back of my mind down here that people can conceal weapons down here and it's legal for them to do so. But, I never expected someone to threaten me at work. I thought maybe I was just overreacting to it as I have been PMSing this week and have been overly sensitive.

Here's what happened. I'm standing at the end of my aisle and this guy walks up and with his fingers acts like he's going to shoot me. I got a bad vibe from that (it was just the way he did it) and found it a little offensive. I'd never do something like that to someone and just found it odd that he found it so humorous. Anyway, I asked him how he was doing today and he ignored me. I rang up the 2 items that he had and asked him I could get his zip code. He gives it to me with no problem. He then proceeds to tell me that every time he comes into our store he's asked something new. He proceeds to slide his credit card through the card reader and I asked him if it was credit or debit (debit cards, I don't have to check ID with as they have to enter their PIN number. Credit cards I have to check the card against their driver's license). He ignores me. I ask him again if it is credit or debit. Finally he says to me right before he was getting ready to sign his name if I wanted to verify his card and how anybody could call anywhere in the world with a credit card and be using someone else's all along and nobody ever asks for any security things to make sure that person is who they say they are. I told him that I just needed to check his card with his driver's license. Finally he says to me and starts up the thing with his fingers going at me like he's going to shoot me and says "you know, you never said hello to me, you're rude and offensive, you're abrupt, you have never smiled at me, you don't care to check IDs, and I didn't come in here to get surveyed. I told him that I had been talking to him that whole time and that he didn't have to participate in the zip code survey and could have chosen not to, but that I did have a line of people waiting to check out and I just needed to verify his stuff and that I was sorry that I had appeared to offend him when I obviously wasn't trying to. Finally, he says to me "here you don't need my ID to verify this...just take this...he hands me his concealed weapon permit. I told him that I wasn't supposed to take that as valid ID, but I wasn't going to argue with him about it. Then, he asked me if I wanted to see the real thing and fakes shooting me. He signed his name and I handed him his receipt and his bag and Amber (the girl next to me had watched the whole thing and she was shaking...She had been trying to get a hold of our supervisor but her phone was busy) anyway, she told me "Jess, you don't have to put up with that...just walk away...walk away." I walked away and the guy left. I reported it to management and I told them that if I ever see that guy again that I refuse to wait on him and if he ever pulled anything like that again with me or anyone else, I was calling 911 and reporting him. Apparently, the guy has caused trouble in there before. I went back to my register and my eyes kept filling with tears. If I could remember the guys name, I'd report him to the police and have him arrested. What is this dang world coming to?

The taking of a name...

So, Deidra asked the question last night at my brother's football game while she kept telling me "Your name is Jessica." and I'd say "nope, I changed my name." She kept telling me that you couldn't change your name and then proceeded to ask Andy and my Mom if you could change your name. Obviously they both told her yes. My Mom asked "Well, ask Mommy what her last name was before she married your Daddy." I told her that my name used to be Jessica Davis. My Mom explained to her that when you get married your name changes usually to your husband's last name or it's hyphenated. I said "well sometimes the husband even takes the wife's last name." Andy said there's no way that he would have done that. My Mom said "you wouldn't have married her if she wanted you to take on her last name?" He said ," nope, there's no way." So, my question of the day is "would your husband have taken on your last name if it came down to it?" Would he have married you anyway?

Abba, I don't know why this rubbed me the wrong way when Andy answered the way that he did. Obviously, I never thought about anything but of taking on his last name, or my last name wouldn't be what it is. My Mom even commented to me on the way to the bathroom that that was a pretty profound statement to make. I just kinda acted like it wasn't bothering me, but I kept thinking about it. This morning, I finally told him how I had been feeling about it and he got all mad at me saying that he was joking and that I was way overreacting. I chose to let it go, but it honestly is just rubbing me the wrong way. I took his name out of respect for him, why couldn't he respect me enough if I really wanted him to take my maiden name to do that for me if it really meant alot to me.

Work Scheduling Issues

Hi Abba. It seems like every week over the past couple of weeks, I have been getting scheduled over my availability. When I bring it to her attention, she looks at me like I have a monkey on my head. I changed the last couple myself by switching with other people because she had a lot of stuff going on and I didn't want to bother her when she was going through those issues. This week, well today...she scheduled me 10-3 and I looked to see if there was anyone to switch with and there wasn't. I asked her if I could work 9:30-2:30 as I have to pick up D from school at 2:45...she told me she'd have to look at the schedule to see. I'm not supposed to be scheduled after 2 pm during the week, but I was trying to do them a favor by staying as late as I possibly could. She knows that I have to pick up Deidra, but she didn't want to give me an answer. Finally, I got it out of her after I started losing sleep over it (I was stressing) and she said that would be fine. I'm getting to the point where I dread looking at the schedules as I don't want to have to stress and worry about needing to switch with someone if they goof up my schedule. I really liked my schedules when I was out by 2 pm during the week and then I closed returns Saturday and Sunday and I'd love to get back to that. I put my worries into Your hands. Thank you for looking after me.

Discipline

Abba, this discipline stuff can get really hard sometimes. Please help us to be able to all get on the same page, so Deidra will quit trying to play her games and play us against one another. I know what works with her and me, but Andy doesn't have the same luck with her using my techniques sometimes and other times he gives in way too easily to her and lets her do whatever she wants. That makes me upset as well because she doesn't listen to him. Yet, he doesn't always enforce what he says to her, so I understand why she is like she is. She's good for both of us when the other parent isn't around, but when we're together she really does like to play us against one another.

Does anyone have any good books that they would recommend on disciplining your children? I know what works for me with Deidra, but Andy and I argue and argue sometimes about the routes that he takes on her...he can come way down hard on her and at other times he just gives in to her. My Mom made an interesting observation that we always fight when it comes to Deidra and I guess we've never noticed until she put that out there. I want us to both be on the same page because right now she definitely knows how to play us against each other. This discipline stuff really gets harder as they get older I'm finding. It's better that we both get a handle on this now. We like watching Super Nanny as well as we get some good tips from her too, but I really would like some book recommendations as well if anyone has any that has really helped them.

The Greek Mythology Test

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6185258618751578079

Not sure I agree with everything, but I definitely do see myself in some of it.

Dionysus 0% Extroversion, 13% Intuition, 100% Emotiveness, 76% Perceptiveness

Although deeply emotional, you are extremely lacking in self-knowledge. You are somewhat needy, and when bored, may become very hedonistic. Your life is a quest for meaning, above all else. You are most like Dionysus. You are primarily interested in serving others, but your efforts are almost always unappreciated. You aren't confrontational, you're often out of tune with your own needs and unaware of the consequences of your own actions. You are, at heart, a good person. You are very affectionate, and you are very loyal to your friends and family. You are very reluctant to burden others with your own problems, to the point that this in itself can become a problem for the people who care about you. This is a particular of a more general problem. Dionysus sends wave of ruin throughout his personal life. He is the photographer who seduces his subjects. He is the teacher who seduces a student. He is the art student who paints nonrepresentational splashes of color, he is the poet who rejects meter and content. You seek sexual partners more than anything else (this is to exploit the nurturing side of others to help fill your own void). If not sexual partners, this desire to become the object of sympathy with other people can manifest itself in other destructive ways. Stinkfist by Tool explains your condition pretty well. It's very likely that you haven't had many experienced mentors. You don't want them either, because you're the sort of person who rejects criticism and boundaries, but they're also your only hope for reaching any kind of emotional maturity. Famous People Like You: John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Hugh Hefner I'd tell you to stay clear of Hermes, Icarus and Apollo, but you could probably learn something from them. You're least likely to hurt The Oracle, Atlas, Prometheus, and Daedalus, but Atlas and Daedalus won't like you very much. Seek out: The Oracle, Prometheus

My embarrassing and funny HD story of the day....

Oh Abba, I wish plumbing parts didn't have to have such embarrassing names, but thanks for giving me a sense of humor to deal with this and be able to laugh.

I walk up front this morning at work and a couple guys walk in the door as I was getting my till ready. They wanted to know if we had test balls for plumbing. I had no idea what it was so I told them I'd call the plumbing guy and ask. They still have a hard time with my accent sometimes down here so Tim (plumbing guy) couldn't quite catch what I was saying. The guy said something about sometimes they're called something else and I asked him "what?" He said they were sometimes called "donkey dicks." Tim asked me what he said they were called again and I told him there was no way that I was repeating that one, so he was just going to have to come up there to hear it for himself. They were all laughing at how red and embarrassed that I got. Turns out, we don't carry them. lol

My birthday surprise...

Thank you, Abba, for a great birthday weekend. It was fun and Andy did a great job of making me feel very cherished and loved. I felt like his princess all weekend.

Well, Friday I was a very busy girl. I finally had a day off of work, but I went and volunteereed up in Deidra's class for 2 hours and they had a road rally at school and we had to make Deidra a vehicle for it. She was a pink airplane with silver stars and a Texas state on the front. So, then I went and got her ready for that and I watched all the kids parade around for a few minutes, before I had to be in the lunchroom to help with Grandfriends week for a couple of hours. I left around noon and had a few errands to run and some laundry to finish so I could pack for our little get away. I still didn't know what we were going to do. Andy got home around 6 and he ok'd what I packed for him...Mom came about 6:15 for Deidra and they scooted out the door. Andy grabbed our bag and we scooted out the door after them. We drove to the hotel and checked into our room. It was a very cool room as one whole wall was nothing but glass and faced out into the vestibule and main lobby so you could see everything below. After we checked in, he drove us into Dallas for dinner. He took me to The Cheesecake Factory where we both ate entirely way too much, but the food was great and we hadn't been to that restaurant since we lived in Chicago. So, it was very nice.

Saturday, we got up around 8...ate some fruit that I had brought, and some leftover cheesecake and Andy ate the rest of his dinner from the night before. We went down for a swim in the pool and then got ready to check out as Andy had another day planned for us before we went to go get Deidra. He took me over to Fair Park to the IMAX theatre and we watched a movie on fighter planes and we walked around the museum and stuff. Then, we went to a couple of thrift stores in the area to find more ebay stuff. We drove around looking for a pizza place for about an hour and finally said "screw it." We wound up going to Chipotle for burritos. Then, we headed back towards home to pick up Deidra around 4:30pm. She was glad to see us. Mom had gotten me a birthday pie (Hershey's sundae pie) and so we each had a piece of pie. Mom said that her and Deidra had gone out to look for birthday presents for me but couldn't find anything. I'm a hard person to shop for. She wound up giving me a gift card to get a pedicure and massage. I can do that. :-) Deidra gave me her card and she had written "I Love You" in it all by herself. She is reading so well and learning to write her sentences...some of the words blend together, but she did it all by herself. That just made me beam when I saw that. We stayed at Mom's for a little bit and watched Crocodile Dundee and then headed for home.

We made a beer run for Andy (our county is dry) and we stopped at Marble Slab so Andy could buy me birthday cake ice cream. I ate entirely way too much and my diet went out the window these past couple of days, but that's ok. I'll get back on plan come Sunday. We came home and I opened up my birthday cards that I had gotten in the mail and listened to my phone messages and read my e-mails. Thanks to all those who wished me a happy birthday. It was a good birthday and a lot of fun. I just can't believe that I'm officially 30.

Turning the big 3-0

Well, tomorrow at 9:26 pm (September 16), I officially turn the big 3-0. This is the birthday that I have dreaded for so long. Not because I turn 30 and consider that to be old, but because my Mother died at the age of 30 and as I was diagnosed as a diabetic a couple of years ago and saw things that happened to her begin to happen to me, it scared me. I didn't want to die young and leave my daughter behind at such a young age. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I wish I could remember more of her personality instead of just the things that she did with me, but I also have to remember that I was only 8 years old when she passed away. That is awfully young to remember a whole lot. But, I do remember her taking me roller skating and I remember going 3-wheeling with her, Uncle Steve, Aunt Shirley, and Cousin Jon. I remember going camping at Jellystone and to Cedar Point and to Kings Island. I remember running around in the car with her and Aunt Jerrilynn. I remember us going over to have tea with Grandma. I remember her making chocolate chip cookies for me and giving me popsicles after school. I remember her going on field trips with me and her being up at the school and I remember the way that she yelled my name when I had made her upset. I remember sitting on her lap and the way that her legs felt. I remember her laying out in the sun while I swam in the pool or played outside. I remember the beautiful garden that she planted in front of our house and wishing that I had the green thumb that she did. I miss her and this birthday has been a little hard on me emotionally, but I am getting myself healthier and I'm almost off my diabetes meds as well...I've lost almost 20 lbs now and am going to keep working at it. I can't believe that I'm really going to be 30 tomorrow.

Andy is taking me away tonight...he's got a surprised planned...Deidra is staying with Grandma overnight....I'm looking forward to some time away for a little bit. It'll be fun! Oh, and did I mention that I found my first gray hair?? I quickly plucked it out. Not ready for that stuff quite yet....

More prayers for Sarah's sister...

they are recommending that she have a hysterectomy now. I pray that this will help remove all the cancer risks now and that the surgery will go smoothly for her as well as the recovery. I pray for Your peace in this situation as well, Abba.

Great marriage series...

I wanted to say thank you again to Lacey for pointing me in the direction of a great series of sermons on marriage that was going on at her church. If anyone is having marital issues, I strongly suggest that you listen to these. They are wonderful and we're only 3 or 4 sermons into it. We've both learned a lot and they really are great. You can listen to the "Desperate Households" series online at http://www.fumcniceville.org/sernotes/index.html .

My marriage seems to be going better...

I want to thank Jenn, Jen, and Lacey for pointing me in the right direction and taking the time to talk with me about things. I appreciate it more than you girls could ever know. And Lacey, that sermon series has really helped a great deal as well and we're only half way through it.

I really made myself sit down and spend some time surrounding myself in God's word this week. I went and reread Ephesians, and reread some of the verses that we had read at our wedding (Corinthians...Love is), and I told myself that this love stuff is hard, but it's all about choices. Am I going to do the right thing out of love or just give up. Love is an action....not necessarily a feeling. I know I have to take the good with the bad and that this was a lifelong decision that we made. I know that no marriage is perfect. We all make mistakes and let one another down. I just really want ours to be better...it's not like it's awful all the time...but I just want certain things to start going better. I appreciate that you took the time to talk with me though. I definitely needed some prayer warriors. We've spent a lot of time talking about things and I realized that I needed to work on praising God for the things that were going right and putting the stuff that I wasn't happy with into His hands. My Mom took Andy out last week as well and I'm not sure what they talked about...I left that between them and didn't ask....but Andy has been making a real effort since then and it's been wonderful to see. I think we just have to weather through the storms sometimes to get to the good parts. But, things are going better and I hope that they continue to do so. In the meantime, I'm surrounding myself in God's word. Thank you, Abba, for helping Andy to see a little bit of what I needed from him so that I could feel loved and cherished...it's so wonderful to see him actually trying and I hope that he continues to do so. I've felt so much better about my marriage this week than I have in quite awhile.

Anniversary Stuff...

Well, we celebrated 10 years of being together on September 6 and tomorrow (the 12th) we celebrate 8 years of marriage. In some ways, it doesn't seem like it should be that long, and in others when we look at everything we've been through together and the hills and mountains that we've had to climb at some times it seems like it should be for longer. My Mom took Deidra for a little while yesterday so we could spend some alone time together. We went to Outback for dinner and just had a lot of fun together. It was nice just being able to talk without a zillion interrruptions and we both seemed to just bask in it for awhile. It was a really good day and I'm thankful that we had the time to do something together. We celebrate my 30th birthday this coming weekend and we're hoping to get away for a little bit overnight one night or whatever Andy has up his sleeve with my Mom. :-)

And Abba, I was so very proud of us...we didn't fight or argue at all yesterday...we just thoroughly enjoyed being together. We really had fun together yesterday. I pray for more days like those ones. :-)

This week...

I went and read Ephesians on Tuesday where it talks about the women submitting to the husbands and all that and I was really having a hard time figuring out things and it was really a point where I finally admitted to myself that I was thinking about leaving and separating for awhile if things didn't start changing. Andy can be so angry and negative about things sometimes that although I try to remain positive and in a good mood, he depletes me a lot of the time. I wound up going to my Mom's later that night as I wanted to read Scripture with her and I wanted her take on what to do. She told me that I had to keep praying as You were the only ones with the answers. I told her that I didn't want it to come down to me leaving, but he needs to honestly work on putting some romance back into the marriage, keeping a positive attitude, and being more patient with Deidra and letting her be a little girl sometimes. Mom told me that he couldn't give me what he didn't have to give and that there is no perfect marriage and that I needed to start doing things for God instead of for Andy when times got tough. We prayed together.

Wednesday, she called me and told me that she wanted to take Andy out for some one on one time on Thursday after work and I told her that would be fine. She took him down to the College Pub for dinner and she took him the "long" way home so they could blast Michael Jackson music. Mom says she's going through her 2nd childhood and you can still like Michael Jackson's music...so they came home in the car listening to Thriller. Anyway, Andy came home last night and he was in really good spirits. He actually tried to be romantic later that night, but although I went along with it I was really distant from the whole thing. I'm mad at myself for that today. I've been crying and crying and crying for him to show this side of himself and actually initiate certain things and then he finally does and I have to be this way.

Thinking about it today though, I'm wondering if I'm just feeling empty for always being the one to initiate and such all this time and always having to ask him for his affections and to be shown that he honestly loves me.

I think I'm going to make us an appt to go talk with our priest and try to work through some of this stuff though. I don't want my marriage to end, but we definitely need to get it back on the right track. We've both got some things that we need to work on for each other and for God himself and we need to start making God our focal point in all things....I try to...but I don't always succeed...but we need to both start making more of an effort if we're going to get through this.

A Thank You....

Well, I have been looking for the friend that you brought to me last weekend all week long at work. I saw him today and he was having a rough day. I wanted to tell him thank you for his pep talk to me last weekend. He thought he had been too strict on me, but I told him that apparently I needed to hear it. I told him that I just wanted to tell him thank you and that I knew that didn't necessarily make sense as he didn't know what I was going through when he said the things that he did. He said that it made perfect sense as sometimes God puts things on our hearts out of the love He has for us to tell people certain things. You definitely spoke to me through him last weekend though.

One thing that really stood out to me last weekend though was that we were talking down by returns and someone came down to leave the store with their merchandise and I asked to see their receipt as they didn't check out with me. My friend, I'll just call him A here, said to me "Good job, you've just increased your worthiness to this store." I asked him "You mean I wasn't worthy before?" A said that I'm always worthy through Jesus Christ, but we can always be better. Do you believe that God came down and took on flesh to die for our sins?" I said yes, and he looked at me, pointed at me, and said "say it." I've never once had anyone do that to me before and at first it caught me off guard and I giggled. A says "you can't say it, Scripture says if you can't say it, then you don't believe." I said that I did, but I barely knew him and did he not just see me at church that morning. He came back saying that he went to church for over 20 years because his parents made him go, but he didn't believe. It wasn't until just a few years ago that he felt Jesus' presence and broke down crying before his life turned around and he's never been the same. I then told him that I do believe that God sent his son to die for us and that He made us worthy of eternal life and that I've never doubted that there was a God.

A while later one of the guys had asked me how I was doing and I mentioned that I was fine, but my feet and back were hurting that day. He told me that I needed to get my old man to give me a nice back and foot massage when I got home. I said "yeah, that's really going to happen." A came over to me a few minutes later and not knowing any of the specifics that I've been worrying about started telling me how the Bible says that the women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands and in return the husband is supposed to put them up on a pedastal and love them so much that they would give their wife anything in return. I giggled and A said "you don't believe that?" I told him that a lot of people take that verse to the extreme, but I asked him "what if you do so much for your husband and he doesn't give you that in return." He looked at me and said "then you've got some issues because your husband doesn't have God in his heart." It was like God just smacked me in the face with that answer and my eyes filled with tears. We both had to tend to customers after that and as he walked away he said "Jess, I'm not trying to be strict on you." But, I know that Andy doesn't always stay in the Word. We hardly pray together, other than in church, and He's never brought up Scripture with me and with all of his money woes and negativity about everything, I know that what A says is true right now. And I know You spoke to me through A.

He came back about a half an hour later and asked me how old Deidra was. He asked me if it was getting easier now that she was getting older and I said yes and no. He said "let me guess...yes, because she doesn't keep you up at night and no, because she wants everything." I said that it depends on the night and she does want everything and is an advertiser's dream. She's also been getting kind of mouthy now that she's been in school." A told me how God entrusted this little being to us and that we needed to be responsible for her and that we needed to nip all that in the butt. He told me how his life was a mess before he came to know God and his parents always let him go to all these sleepovers and stuff and meanwhile all he was doing was getting in trouble with drugs and stuff.

What I walked away with from those conversations throughout the night was that I needed to believe that You, Abba, will take care of me and what I am going through. I need to quit arguing with Andy about so much and just do it his way for awhile, even if I see them as mistakes. I realize that I can state my position, but in the end as head of the household the final decision should rest with him. And I also realized that we need to get a handle on some stuff with D as far as some stuff goes...the talking back, the not wanting to sleep in her own bed...the games that she plays and plays and plays....

But, I want to thank you for sending A my way and I want to lift A up in prayer as he was having a bad day and he mentioned that he needed the Lord's help to smile today. I didn't ask for specifics, but I would like to lift him up in prayer today, Abba.

10 years ago today...

Andy kissed me for the first time and started the beginning of "us." I got him a card to remember the day of Mickey and Minnie and when you open it up, they kiss one another. Help our relationship, Abba, and help us to keep you the center of it all.

We've had some issues lately that I really haven't been happy with. This marriage stuff is hard work sometimes. I have a lot of praying to do about everything, but I pray that you will bring some romance back into this marriage and help us to put distractions aside and start truly focusing on one another. We need to start dating again or we're really going to be in trouble and Andy's attitude needs to start changing into a positive one so he can truly be thankful for what we do have rather than all the things that we don't. I thank you for the blessings that you have given us and I trust in You to help us work through our issues like you always have. give me patience and help me to learn when to speak up and when I need to keep my mouth shut. I'm grateful that we've had each other for the last 10 years, I just want the next 10 to go a bit more smoothly and I don't want us to take one another for granted anymore.

Jess

65 Things About Me...

65 Things About Me...

How old do you wish you were?
I'm happy at 29....

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
in my living room in Chicago wondering if there was anything going to happen in our city and scared to death

What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
what can I do? I deal with it...

Do you consider yourself to be kind?
yes

If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
maybe a cross or an angel on my ankle

If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
spanish or russian

Do you know your neighbors?
no

What do you consider a vacation?
getting away for awhile to somewhere nice and having fun

Do you follow your horoscope?
no

Would you move for the person you loved?
I moved to Chicago for Andy...so I guess the answer is yes.

Are you touchy feely?
yes

Do you believe that opposites attract?
sometimes yes and sometimes no...

Dream job?
ever since I was a little girl all I've ever wanted was a big family and to be a mommy

Favorite channel(s)?
I don't get the chance to watch much tv...I watch Discovery Health and NBC and Lifetime

Favorite place to go on a weekend?
when we lived in MI, I used to love to go to the beach on Lake Michigan. We haven't gotten away down here yet, but I love to visit new places.

Showers or baths?
mostly showers, but I do take an occasional bath every once in a great while

Do you paint your nails?
maybe once a year

Do you trust people easily?
yes, but if you break that trust then I don't trust you very easily after that

What are your phobias?
spiders, losing the people that I love

Do you want kids?
yes, we have Deidra and I definitely want more

Do you keep a handwritten journal?
no...I blog a lot though...I did keep a handwritten pregnancy journal when I was pregnant with Deidra, but it's missing quite a few entries

Where would you rather be right now?
with the people that I love and have fun with

What makes you feel warm and safe?
being at church, being home snuggled with a good book in a blanket....in my husband's arms

Are you a heavy or light sleeper?
light

Are you paranoid?
in the dark yes...in the daylight no....

Are you impatient?
not usually, but I do get impatient at work with customers sometimes

How do you feel about inter-racial couples?
doesn't bother me any....as long as the people are happy that's all that counts

Have you been burned by love?
yes

What's your life motto?
I don't know if I really have one. I just try to be the best person that I can be and treat people the way that I want to be treated.

What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
some pre-programmed one that's already on the phone

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

Who was your last text message from?
Andy

Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
my own

What color shirt are you wearing?
white with blue and green flowers

Name 5 things that you have on you at all times?
keys, debit card, driver's license, wallet, and my cell phone

What color are your bed sheets?
white with yellow flowers

What is your favorite part of the chicken?
leg

What is your favorite town/city?
Chicago, IL

I can't wait till....
I get back down to the size 5 that I was in high school again.

Who got you to join myspace?
Amber at work

What did you have for dinner last night?
fish and green beans

How tall are you barefoot?
5' 2"

Have you ever smoked crack?
no

Do you own a gun?
no, and I refuse to have one in this house

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
iced tea

Do you have a secret that nobody knows about?
yes

Do you have A.D.D.?
no

Current worry?
marriage stuff

Current hate?
how hateful people can be towards one another

Favorite place to be?
with my family and friends

Where would you like to travel?
I'd like to visit all 50 states, I'd love to go to Mexico, Australia, China, Italy, Greece, Spain, and Canada one day.

Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
hopefully in our dream house with our beautiful daughter and a couple more kids added to the mix

last thing that you ate?
sugar-free chocolate covered pretzels

What songs do you sing in the shower?
whatever happens to be in my head

Last person that made you laugh?
a customer

Worst injury that you've ever had?
well, I've never broken any bones or had stitches, but recovering from my c-section probably tops it all since I got so sick afterwards

Does somebody have a crush on you?
not sure...I do have a crush on someone though

What is your favorite candy?
sugar-free stuff

How many people have you slept with?
1...and I'm married to him!

Do you believe in God?
definitely...I've seen him work in my life and have never once doubted that He existed ever since I was a little girl

Are you religious?
yes, and it's something I try and work on everyday as well

I prayed for a friend down here and you gave one to me...

Thanks Abba, for listening and hearing my prayers. One of my co-workers goes to our church and I've been praying for a friend down here. You spoke to me through him this past weekend. I pray that you will allow our friendship to flourish and that we can share more of Your Word together and be there for one another when we really need friendship the most. Thank You, Abba.

Hurting

Ok, so our anniversary is the 12th and my 30th birthday is the 16th. Andy and I have been arguing about what to do. He doesn't want to do anything to celebrate...again it's always about the money. He wants to get ahead, he doesn't want to spend the money to celebrate. I asked for the 10th off of work so that we could go out to dinner and spend the day together and my Mom was going to take D. Well, work gave me the whole weekend off. I asked for the 15th and 16th off so that we could have that weekend to go away and Mom was going to take Deidra that weekend. All I wanted to do was get a hotel room one night and get away somewhere and spend some quality time together and go have a nice dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. And I found a cheap room at the Holiday Inn too, so it wasn't like I was expecting a whole lot. We have argued so much about it that I finally just told him that i wished I never would have taken the time off of work. I finally told him over the weekend that I was putting all of this into his hands to deal with. He was making the plans or not making them and he had my mom's number if he needed to line up a babysitter. My Mom is completely shocked that he doesn't want to celebrate and I'm tired of getting the message that I just don't matter to him. I'm very confused and hurt right now. If we didn't have the money, it would be one thing and I would be understanding, but it's totally not about that. I just don't understand. Please help Andy to see that I need the romance to be alive in our marriage again for it to succeed, Abba. I'm really feeling confused right now. I'm tired of getting the message that I'm just not important and then I get even more mad at myself for actually believing that.