Resolutions?

I have a couple goals in mind for 2011. It's my Mom's birthday (in Heaven today) and she unfortunately died from diabetes complications after some complications from surgery and some other things that went wrong too. She died at the age of 30, but I wonder all of the time if she would have taken better care of herself if she would have still been with us today. I owe it to my children to be the healthiest that I can be...and Andy too of course. I want to get back down to a healthy weight and off the diabetes meds and high blood pressure pills.

And, I spend so much time taking care of others that I barely make time for myself. I want to focus on making more friends and nurturing the friendships that I currently have and I want to get back to looking nice. I've let my clothing choices slide and I'm tired of looking frumpy all of the time. I took some time today and ordered my color palette and I'm getting fashion advice for my body type. I want to look nice again. I look back to when I was in high school and how I tried to look nice and my hair and makeup were done more often. I want to look that way again.

And I want to continue on my path of being a better Christian, wife, mom, sister, and friend. I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family this coming year.

Holy rages and temper tantrums

I had called last week for a refill on Josiah's Risperdal (mood stabilizer) as he was running low. I thought I had given them ample time with the holidays being around to get it refilled. However, they didn't get the refill called in. Christmas came and he ran out of meds. He was doing ok on Christmas, the day after he was still doing ok. Today, he has been so agressive, full of rage and super hyper. The occupational therapist came and he decided that would be a good time to test me. He wanted to do puzzles at the table and so I went and got their new ones for him to do. He started throwing his puzzle pieces on the floor and at Emily. I told him not to mix up the pieces and he started flicking them all over all the more. I sat him in time out and he started pinching me, kicking me, screaming that I was hurting him. He finished his time out and I let him go back to the puzzles and he just continued with the bad behavior and saying inappropriate stuff. The more I warned him and asked him to behave, the more he was acting up. I told him to put the puzzle up and that he was done as he wasn't obviously wanting to do the puzzle very badly. He swiped all the pieces onto the floor and started kicking and screaming "I don't want to, I don't want to." I told him to pick the pieces up and he just lost it. Ran into the living room and when I went to go get him, he went around the side of the recliner and literally tried flinging the recliner into me. I finally got ahold of him and telling him to go to his room. He wouldn't. I wound up carrying him up to his room and he was scratching me and kicking me the whole way up the stairs. The minute I sat him down on the floor, he came at me full force. I managed to get out of the door and get the door closed and I had to hold it shut. He flung himself at his wall and his bed and I went to come downstairs and the next thing I know is he had come running out of his room and flung himself at the carpet at the top of the stairs. Melina is screaming downstairs and Emma is telling me "the baby is crying, the baby is crying." The therpist was still working with Tracie in the playroom. I had to go put Josiah back in his room and no sooner would I get to the stairs and he was right back out flinging himself on the carpet at the top of the stairs. I'd pick him up and tell him that when he could calm himself down that he could come out and he'd scratch me some more. Finally, after I don't know how many times of repeating that scenario, he finally listened and calmed himself down in his room. He came down and started testing the therapist as she was getting ready to leave. She told him that he was making some horribly bad choices and I told her that he'd been off his meds for 2 days and she said that he'd probably get worse before he got better and to just keep putting him in his room when he behaved that way. Something happened right after she left and he lost it again and he started pulling the girls hair and trying to step on them when they wouldn't let him play with a toy that they were playing with. Had to separate him from the girls and he once again threw a major fit. I finally wound up calling Andy at work and asking him to call the hospital as I couldn't do it myself with all the commotion going on. He could hardly hear me to figure out what was going on between Josiah screaming and throwing fits and the baby all upset. He called and the lady said that they jsut got back into the office and they weren't all aware of what all was pending to know if I had called in a refill or not and that she couldn't guarantee that they could get to it that day. A couple of hours later, after a few more rages, I called Andy and told him "I just don't know if I can do this all day. I am so burned out." He told me to hang in there and if I needed him to he'd come home. I didn't want him to miss more time at work as he was out of personal time and vacation time to take and so I told him that I'd just have to hang in there. Thankfully just after lunch, the hospital called him and told him that they had gotten one of the doctors to write his prescription and Andy went to pick it up. I wound up driving up to his work to get it from him so that we could get him back on his meds. Lesson learned, I will start giving them more than 5 business days to get a refill. I will start giving them at least 10 so that we don't have med withdrawals again. I get scared sometimes about what the future holds with him if he can be this hard to handle at 4 1/2. However, I do my best to try to just take it one day at a time.

Christmas

We had a quiet Christmas Eve here at home. I talked Andy into taking the kids to Christmas vigil for midnight mass. We ate dinner and then put the kids to bed and then woke them up around 10 pm to get ready. Carols started at 11 pm and then Mass started at midnight. I have to say that the kids behaved wonderfully...even Melina did great with it being so late at night. It was nice to all be there as a family. For the past couple of years Deidra and I just went with my Mom and Jimmie (my brother), so it was nice to have Andy and all the kids there this year. We came home and went to bed and I was the first one up on Christmas morning (6:30 am) and I was so excited to see the kids faces when they opened up their presents that I wanted to go wake them up. Everybody finally woke up a little after 7. The kids were excited about their presents and they were thrilled that they finally got a trampoline! Now to find a weekend where the weather is decent to assemble it. :-) Melina loved the wrapping paper and the bows and it didn't take her long to figure out what she was supposed to do...we still had to help her, but she was doing it by herself a bit too. So precious to watch her and she really loved her presents. She got a baby doll that says "I love you" and makes kiss noises and Melina was giving her kisses back. It was too sweet to watch her.

Mom, Jimmie, and Zach came over around 3 pm and we ate a birthday ice cream cake for Jesus' birthday. We all sang happy birthday to Jesus and ate cake (even Melina). We opened presents together and just spent some time talking and celebrating. It was fun! Low-key this year since we normally have them over for dinner, but Mom didn't want to put that expense on us and she didn't feel like cooking a big dinner herself this year, so she just said for us to go ahead and eat and they'd do their own thing. I felt bad later when Jimmie and I ran to the gas station for soda and Jimmie said that all they had was grilled cheese. We had made a ham and scalloped potatoes and green bean casserole and corn. We were going to make stuffing too, but we forgot. Granted, we made our meal from scratch on Thanskgiving and everything came out of a box for Christmas, but now I wish I would have just insisted that they come over for dinner too. Next year, we'll have to get back to doing that. Overall,it was a great Christmas!

Contemplating

Thank you, God, for the beautiful gift of Jesus. Thank you, Mary, for saying yes to God's will. I've sat holding Melina quite a bit this season just looking at her and wondering what Mary must have gone through and how scared she must have been to not have been married and to be asked to be Jesus' mother...yet she still said yes to God's will. I wonder what it must have been like to give birth in a barn with Joseph and the animals and to hold Jesus in your arms...just knowing that He was God's son. I've sat with tears rolling down my face contemplating all that while looking at Melina and holding her in my arms while rocking her. So, thank you, Dear Mother, for saying yes to God's will. Please help me to be the best mother than I can be to my children as you were to Jesus. I know that I will never be the perfect mother, but I will do the best that I can by my children with God's continual graces and all of your prayers for our family.

Christmas

It's been hard for me to get into the spirit this year. I knew I didn't really want this to be a big Christmas this year. The kids have been spoiled with tons of gifts for the past few years from the foster care system, the Angel tree, family, and friends. They would be thrilled with a gift, move on to the next one, throw a fit over not having another, and then ask for more. This year, I just wanted it to be simple..focus on what the meaning of Christmas really is,and get them a few things. We got them a trampoline as a big gift for all of them. Then, they each made lists for Santa for what they wanted. It got to be where they couldn't see a commercial or walk into the store this year without them fighting saying "I want that...and then they would promptly start arguing about who was getting what color or what character." I've had lots of talks with them about what they have, and that their lists have been prepared and we just had to see what they got, but most of all it was important to be thankful for what they have and what Christmas would bring. I divided their Christmas lists among us, and all 4 of the grandparents, and a couple other family members that send gifts every year. Andy and I bought each child 1 thing that they wanted off their list, something to read, 2 sets of pajamas, and 2 puzzles and some educational stuff for each of them. It's not going to be as much as they normally get, but hopefully they will still enjoy their Christmas this year.

Lost my temper... AFP Day 25

I yelled for the first time in a long time. Josiah has been really struggling and is constantly putting his feet and legs all over the girls. It's like he gets bored, so he's gotta go push people's buttons or something. He's getting into the Christmas tree this morning and then when I told him to go watch tv as we were going to get dressed and go to the grocery store and then he's gotta go get in Tracie's face and put his feet all over her arms and her stomach. I told him to get his feet off of her nad he just looked at me and kept doing it. When I got up, he took off trying to run away from me. I went and took him by the hand and led him over to the time-in spot and the whole time he was in my lap, he's picking at my pants, shirt, arching his back, tightening his butt muscles, trying to throw himself forward. The whole time I kept telling myself "don't say anything, don't say anything." He finally whipped his head back and it caught my chin and he started turning his head back and forth to rub his head all over my chin and I yelled at him. I just don't understand why he's got to be such a button pusher. My therapist says "everything he does has gotta be over the top." I wish he'd use that skill at something productive. UGH! He's going to be 5 in 4 months...I just wish he'd outgrow some of these behaviors.

Attachement-Focused Parenting Day 24

Things went well for the most part. Things got a bit chaotic after Deidra and Emily came home from school. I made them all go into their rooms for quiet time for about a half an hour as I just couldn't handle any noise for a bit. Emily wouldn't lay down, Deidra wound up taking a 2 hour nap, Tracie didn't sleep, and Josiah fell asleep. Miss Melina fought it and fought it and just wouldn't go to sleep. So she was quiet fussy yesterday. She finally went down just before I started dinner. I promptly fell asleep after dinner. i've been SO tired. Blood sugars are doing a bit better...still fighting a headache...but it's getting better.

What a Day! AFP Day 23

What a day! I'm trying to hang in there and stay positive as I know it's just a dya of testing and my attitude through it all is what will get me through. I woke up feeling cruddy...lots of nausea, very tired, killer headache. Tested my blood sugar and it was 333. Gave myself some insulin...trying to feed the baby and I just felt like I was going to throw up. Andy left for work and I put a call into the doctor to see if I could come in for lab work so we could get some better insulin coverage going. I'm going to have to pay for the lab costs out of pocket as I'm out of diagnostic money with my policy for the year...but I can't go around with blood sugars like this anymore and they've never gotten this high before. The nurse called me back a couple hours later and asked me a bunch of questions and told me I could come in for labs. Josiah has been a little terror all morning and was into everything non-stop and I was constantly chasing him all over out of everything. He got some water to drink and I turn around and he's purposely dumping it all over the counter tops watching it trickle onto the floor. I made him help me clean it up.

I take Tracie to school and Josiah went running just about took out the table and some kids. Finally got him to slow down and we get back in the van. The nurse called me back to ask me a couple more questions and Josiah's underfoot and wouldn't be quiet and I'm carrying Melina in one arm and the phone in the other and he knew I couldn't do anything about it. Pushed button after button with this huge grin on his face. Once I got off the phone, he did a time in with me and we talked. I told him that I had to go in for labwork at the doctor and that he better behave while we were there.

We get to the doctor's office and had to wait in line to check in and he started throwing himself on the floor screaming "leave me alone." All because I wanted him to stay by me as he kept trying to run off. I checked in, got my paper for the lab, pulled him off to the side and told him that he needed to show these people what a good boy that he could be and that he needed to quit with the temper tantrums. When they took me for labs, he sat really still next to Melina and asked me if they were going to make me cry. I told him that I'd be brave and then he just sat and watched the whole process and telling Melina that I was ok. I praised him big time for being such a big boy.

I took him to school and I took Melina in for her 7 month (Christmas pics) pictures. She didn't want to cooperate much and then she tried to fall off the table, not once, but twice, and just about gave me a heart attack. Then, when it came time to order the pictures, she told me which pose was my $7.99 package (I've always been able to pick before) and it was ok, but it wasn't the one that I really wanted. I started adding sheets of 3 other poses that were really cute and she told me that if I was going to do that I should just order the $100 package. I looked at her and said "why would I do that for 3 sheets?" She said that I was already over $60. That didn't make sense to me at all so I asked her if the sheets were $12.99 how I had gotten up that far. She said "they're $20 a sheet." I go in there every month and do her pics and have never paid that much and she knows who I am by first name basis. I wound up ordering the $7.99 package, a sheet of another really cute pose, and then I ordered a picture collage of her other 3 poses that I really liked. I went and paid the $62 and she took a phone call as I was getting Melina back in her car seat and it hit me...she never did my buy one get one frees from my picture saver card. I asked her "doesn't the computer store my smile saver info?" All of a sudden she said, I totally forgot that you had that. She said "I need to order you another collage and another sheet of the extra pose that you odered." I told her I really didn't need another My 1st Christmas collage and could I pick a different pose. She told me they changed it and whatever you bought is what you got for the free sheets. I haven't had to do that in the past. I really think, she just didn't want to have to go back in the system and mess with it all again. By that point, Melina was really done and was fussy and so I just left. We're going for family pics at Portrait Innovations on Saturday morning anyway. I think I'm going to take her somewhere else for her 8 month pictures (maybe Penney's).

Then, I ran and got Tracie from school and we went to go look for Christmas bows in the consignment store...no such luck. We go to get Josiah and he's not outside and his teacher is waving me to drive up by her. He pooped his pants on purpose and wouldnt' fess up to anything and the teacher said she had to smell him out to figure out where the smell was coming from. She needed me to go clean him up and change him in the nurses office. So, I had to unload Melina and Tracie from the van and go in to get him. The nurse says "I have underwear but not any clothes, so do you want to change him here or just take him home." I looked at the baby who was starting to fuss in her car seat and asked her for a plastic bag and told her I was taking him home. Got him in the shower and cleaned up and he had to put the dirty clothes in the washer and clean up the floor where he got poop all over and talked to him about why he did that. He said "I was mad." Asked him about what and he said "I don't know. I just didn't want to go to the potty." His teacher says they don't have to ask to use the bathroom, they can just go whenever they need to. He was mad at me for making him clean himself up and take care of his clothes, but he did say that he'd use the potty next time, so I guess that helped to get the point across that he's too big of a boy to be doing that.

Came home and tested my blood sugars and I'm 282. Still pretty high, but I'm glad that I'm not in the 300s anymore. I don't think I'm going to eat much for dinner.

Deidra and Emily went on a playdate...I'm just hoping that Emily behaves herself this time. She missed out when she was asked a few days ago, so I'm hoping that makes her think twice before she treats her friend badly.

Attachment-Focused Parenting Day 22

Things are still going ok. Tracie's been a bit more naughtier than usual and letting Josiah influence her. Josiah's been into the Christmas lights and I'm chasing him out of them left and right. Lots of talks about safety and how we don't touch the electrical plugs and outlets or plug things in as that can HURT people. Our plugs are supposed to have some kind of safety feature where you can't get electrocuted, but I'm not relying on that and want to teach him safety. Came walking around the corner to find Emma and Josiah plugging tug of war with a string of lights that was supposed to be wrapped around the window frame. After yet another talk about safety, it wasn't a full two minutes later than Emma was right back over there trying to fix it while I was tending to the baby. I finally told them if they bothered it again, I was taking them down...maybe they're just not ready for something like this. They finally quit.

Attachment-Focused Parenting Days 18-21

Things are going well. The time-ins are getting less and less. I'm happy with the way that things are going. Still working on certain things, but things are going in the right direction. I think we have stumbled upon something good. It is a pain to have to go and sit with them when they do something wrong as it means that I have to stop working on what I am working on. But, it is working. Josiah had one really bad meltdown one day where he threw a major fit in my lap for 40 minutes. That was hard. That's the first big fit that he's thrown like that in a long time, but we worked threw it and I just sat and held him. Of course, he turns on the drama when I hold him in time in and he's constantly yelling that he can't breathe or that he's hurt or that I won't let him out. I'm not holding him any differently than when they ask to sit on my lap during the day time so it's not like I'm hurting him in any way shape or form. It's all drama on his part. We just sit there until he can calm down and then we can talk about what happened.

Something to focus on...

I was kind of down in the dumps last night when we took the kids to Awana. I was hoping for some time with Andy and Melina to do something fun. Andy had it in his mind that we needed to go to the grocery store as it's something that we've been doing while the kids go to Awana. We have a schedule so that we make time for the things that need to be done, but I told him that I'm really missing time for "us" to just be and talk without getting interrupted. Neither one of us can say that we have friends that we do stuff with on any regular basis either. I told him that I don't want to get so regimented that we miss out on things that we need to make time for either. We wound up going to get Deidra's last Christmas gift and then while I thought we were going to find something to do for the last hour, Andy drove us home. By that time, I had come out of my funk a little bit as I had prayed that God would lift my spirits. I sat and enjoyed the Christmas lights that Andy had put up after we decorated the Christmas tree. Andy even held my hand and prayed with me. It felt really weird to do that together as this is very unlike Andy, but it was nice and I hope that we can make a point of doing that more often. I know that part of my deal is stress. The kids stress me out after awhile and Andy and I can't talk without interruptions. I told him that whether I have to run an ad in the paper or whatnot, we need to start getting out without the kids...and I'm going to have to try to make time to work on my friendships down here as well. He needs to do the same thing...he needs to find some people that he feels comfortable doing things with down here. We have so much responsibility on our shoulders with dealing with not only our own family but taking care of things with our parents too, that we deserve some down time as well. I'm not complaining about the responsibility when I say that...it's just that it all can be stressful at times...we need to have some fun to destress too.

Marriage and Faith

Andy and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14. Our first couple of years were kind of rocky in the religion dept. We couldn't agree on a church to go to. I didn't feel comfortable unless we went to a Catholic church...I just couldn't feel God's presence in any of the churches that we went to unless it was our Sunday to be in the Catholic church (we alternated Sundays for awhile). I'm not saying that God wasn't present there, I just didn't feel His Presence like I do when we went to the Catholic church. It caused so many problems that we just quit going for awhile unless it was a holiday or something. When we had Deidra, we talked again and I mentioned that it would be easier to parent if we were both on the same page. A friend told us about her Catholic church out in the suburbs that was big and awesome and had a ton of different groups for all ages and we went a couple of Sundays and Andy said he'd go through the RCIA program to learn more about it. I was shocked and it was an answered prayer of mine. I went through the program classes with him and he entered the church on Easter vigil that coming year.

One thing has always bothered me though our whole marriage was that while I knew he was a Christian we never really had heart-to-heart talks about our faith and what God meant to us and visions for our family. What the kids learn about God really comes from me and what they learn in Sunday school and Awana. Andy doesn't really talk about that stuff with them. I was working with Emma one day on memorizing John 3:16 and Andy just rattled the verse off. I looked at him in shock. He said "do you really think that I'm some sort of heathen or something?" I told him again that I didn't, it's just that we don't talk about this stuff. He said he just feels that it's between him and God and nobody else. I told him that I didn't feel that it should have to be that way and that husbands and wives should share this stuff together. I left it alone after that.

I have been watching Joyce Meyer in the mornings lately..something to feed my soul before I start my mornings with the kids. And I get the Crosswalk devotions in email. The day that the kids were all baptized, he went to Confession, and he went to church on lunch hour yesterday and sent me a picture of the Cathedral saying "wish you were here with me." He's been talking to me in bits about things concerning his faith. Those little things mean so much to me. God is answering my prayers and we are starting to share our faith together. So awesome! I am so glad that we are sharing more and more and that Andy is starting to share this piece of himself with me.

Is this normal behavior with a boy??

Sometimes I really struggle with knowing why some of my littles do the things that they do. I wonder if it's developmental or if it stems from something that they have seen or had done to them when they were with their birthfamilies that is just unknown to me.

Josiah has been pulling people's pants down at recess and when he's home he's been trying to do it to the girls. It seems innocent...I don't think he means anything by that.

When we do time-ins, he sits in my lap and I hold him until our 4 minutes are up. Then, while I'm sitting on the floor, I stand him in front of me so that I'm still down on his level and we can look into each other's eyes and I know that he's listening and he will still be mad sometimes and he jumps all over alternating from one foot to another. Well, the past couple of days he's started movies his hips back to the front. I usually back up a little bit when he does this or he's putting his privates right in my face.

Today, when he was supposed to be getting dressed he stuck his butt right in Tracie's face without his underwear on. He's done this recently as well. We're really working on giving each other privacy when we're in the bathroom and keeping the doors closed while someone is in there (this is a huge struggle with him as he's constantly opening up doors and slamming them on people and he's so into what everybody else is doing that he's constantly trying to see who is in there).

He's really into telling everybody his bodily functions right now...I just farted. I have to go poo poo. And he's been burping left and right thinking that's just hilarious. I keep telling him that there are some things that people just don't need to know or hear and we're working on our manners. I know this part is a phase that kids go though. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of all of this so he will just go through the phase and be done with it, but there are some things I just can't ignore.

Attachment-Focused Parenting Day 17

6:50-7:30 am Josiah getting into Tracie's room and testing the rules every couple of minutes

8:30 am Josiah running around with a tote of toys zooming them all in the air

8:45 am Josiah not getting dressed after a couple of reminders of what he needed to be doing

9:30 am Josiah I had gotten Chick-Fil-A for breakfast and he had already eaten, but I told him he could have some of my hashbrowns as his morning snack as I just wanted my drink and my sandwich. We got home and I took about 10 hashbrowns out of my large order for myself and gave him the rest and he pitched a fit and said "that's all I get?" We had a talk about being grateful for what we are given and having a positive attitude.

4:00 pm Emily tripping Deidra and making her fall and refusing to apologize

4:10 pm Deidra, Emily, Tracie, and Josiah for being extremely rude and loud while I was on the phone with the psychiatrist about Josiah. We had a huge talk about how we behave when Mom's on the phone, especially with the doctor.

4:20 pm Deidra, Emily, Tracie, and Josiah all had great days at school and got to pick from the reward jar. Emily got to stay up late. Tracie got to pick a tv show. Josiah got story time. Deidra gets to have a friend spend the night.

5:30 pm Emily wouldn't calm down and wouldn't play nicely with Tracie and Josiah

Attachment Focused Parenting Day 16

8:05 am Josiah wouldn't stop running his car on the entertainment center after I asked him to do it on the floor instead so he didn't scratch the wood

8:35 am Josiah climbing up cupboards and countertops while I brought Melina upstairs for her morning nap

3:45 pm Deidra, Josiah, Tracie will get ice cream after dinner for great days at school. Emily will miss out for bad behavior for the substitute teacher after computer time.

4:10 pm Josiah and Tracie running in the house after being asked to stop

4:20 pm Josiah and Tracie running in the house. Josiah did wind up getting 1 swat before his time-in for not coming to me when I told him to.

4:40 pm Josiah and Tracie someone knocked my pictures down in the playroom and wanted to blame the other person for who did it. We sat in time-in for 8 minutes before Tracie finally told me that she did it. I knew from her tears that she was the guilty party, but she still wanted to keep saying that Josiah did it. She had to apologize to Josiah for lying and getting him in trouble and then she had to sit and talk with me about the fact that she's not going to get in trouble if she does something accidentally and needs help to fix it. But, she is going to get in trouble for lying or trying to get her siblings in trouble for something that she did. She apologized.

5:10 pm Josiah shut the bathroom door on Emily when she was trying to come out of the bathroom and shut her hand in the door

Attachment-Focused Parenting Day 15

Today was an awesome day!

7:30 am Josiah getting into Tracie's room

8:15 am Tracie getting into Mom's computer

8:40 am Josiah getting into peanuts on the table while I took Melina upstairs. He was just told prior to that that snack time wasn't for a little bit yet.

9:30 am Josiah giving toys to Melina after I said no. (he keeps wanting to give her toys with tiny pieces even though we keep explaining that those types of toys can make her choke)

10:20 am Josiah not stopping when I said "no."

4:00 pm Deidra, Josiah, Emily, and Tracie all had great days at school. Well, Tracie didn't have school today, but she did have therapy and normally she's been throwing huge fits on the speech therapist. So her deal was that if she wanted a reward, she had to nicely do speech. She did! They all got to pick out of the reward jar. Deidra earned music time. Josiah got coloring time. Tracie got game time and she picked to play play-doh. Emily gets to make a special snack with Mommy. Since, we didn't have anything on hand to make what she wanted, I told her that we'd go during the week and she could pick an activity for that night to do with one of her siblings. She picked to color with Josiah.

Awards Night at Awana

Josiah and Tracie both got another patch on rewards night in Cubbies! They are doing so well at learning their verses! So proud of them both!

Attachment Focused Parenting--Days 13 and 14

I didn't log all their behavior, but a few things stand out.

Saturday, they had a really hard time playing nicely and needed a lot of redirection to stay on task when given small things to do...getting dressed that sort of thing. We did notice that Josiah's medication helped and he was a lot less agressive than what he had been, so that was definitely a big improvement and a positive change.

Sunday, Josiah's Sunday school teacher met Andy at the door complaining that she didn't know what had gotten into Josiah, but he wouldn't listen or cooperate and couldn't do anythign right that day. Class is only for 45 minutes, so that shocked me. The teacher's son is ADHD as well, so she's normally used to him being all over the place. So, that leads me to believe that he really must have been all over and not focusing on anything. Emily said her prayer that she was supposed to learn and earned a prayer card that she was very proud about. I could tell that even in church, she was really trying to sit nicely and not get fidgety and I was very proud of how well that she was doing.

I notice that the littles really struggle with being given direction...they want to argue their point of view when it's not appropriate and they think that they need to have the last word. Josiah and Emily do it moreso than Tracie, but I see Tracie trying her hand at it as well. We tell them once why they need to do it and then we give them time to do it while we walk away. We come back a few minutes later to see if they're doing it or not and if not they get a time-in and then we sit and talk about what happened and why it's important to listen.

I'm still trying to come up with something effective to help out with all the micromanaging that they think that they need to do with one another. I can't have a conversation with someone without them all thinking that they need to have input on the matter, even if it's something that doesn't concern them. I've been trying to remind them that I am talking to ___ and that this is between Mommy and ____ and that Mommy can handle it. This will start an argument on the other end and I will redirect them and say "just say, ok Mommy." Then, I try to distract them with something else.

Family Movie Night

This is also something that we're going to try to get back to. We've been away from it for a few months now. Tracie got to pick the movie tonight and she picked Madeline. The kids all really enjoyed it and it's a cute family movie.

Josiah's meds

I called the psychiatrist at Children's to talk about Josiah's behaviors as of late. I wondered if we increased his Risperdol a little bit if it would help with his agression and just wanted to see what she thought. They called me back a couple hours later and told me to go ahead and give him 2 pills at breakfast time and 1 before he went to bed (he's currently on 1 pill in the morning and 1 at night) and see how that helped him. I have to call them back on Wednesday to let them know how he's doing.

Attachment-Focused Parenting Day 12

7-7:30 am Josiah lots of redirection back to his room...met with lots of testing and defiance

9:15-10 am Josiah lots of energy and jumping all over the place...lots of reminding from Mommy that he needed to slow down and be careful

10:30 am Josiah had to chase him all over the house and from behind the furniture to do time out for not listening because he wouldn't quit jumping on the furniture and when I told him to get down he just looked at me and kept jumping. I told him he was getting a time-in and he hid behind the chair and I was trying to get him one way and he was running the opposite direction and then we played the same game around the kitchen table and then I had to chase him into a corner of the playroom before I could take him by the hand and take him to the time-in spot.

11:00 am Josiah I let him get a sucker at the doctor's office since he behaved very well while I took Melina in to see the pediatrician

3:45 pm Emily she got a warning at school that she tried to scribble out and she lied about what happened. I called her teacher and got the scoop and we talked about her behaviors lately. I also told her what we were doing at home to try and reinforce good behavior at school (reward jar).

4:00 pm Deidra, Josiah, and Tracie they had great days at school so they got to draw from the reward jar. Deidra got a meal with Daddy (restaurant). Josiah got to pick a tv show. Tracie got to pick a movie for family movie night.

4:15 pm Josiah jumping all over Tracie

4:20 pm Emily getting into stuff and trying to get Josiah to do it too

4:35 pm Emily and Josiah Josiah snatched her toy out of her hands and Emily grabbed his arm and bent it backwards really hard

5:15 pm Emily and Josiah Emily told Josiah to spray the bottle of baby formula that was sitting on the floor all over the side of the couch and the floor. They both had to help me clean it up.

Poor Melina!

She's had a cold for a little while now, but she started really having a hard time sleeping and was just acting fussy. She's normally a very happy baby and I just felt that something wasn't quite right. Took her to the pediatrician and sure enough she's got an ear infection in her left ear. Poor baby! It had some puss in there too. That's why she's been so fussy. Hope the medicine makes her better soon!

Family Game Night Night

We are going to start having family game night once a week. We all play games during the week, but it's usually not all of us together. I thought it would be good for bonding time if we make it a weekly thing. :-)

Tonight, the littles wanted to play Memory and Deidra wanted to play Perfection. We all played Memory together and then the kids and Andy took turns playing their Perfection round. The timer scared Tracie at first and she was a bit apprehensive, but she tried her turn and laughed and laughed. I was so proud of her for trying it all on her own. Normally, she gets scared and refuses to try. She did it all on her own. We all had a great time and we all were laughing and laughing.

Mommy and Melina sat at the table and observed since Melina was hungry and fussy. Melina took everything in though. :-)

Attachment-Focused Parenting Day 11

7-7:30 am Josiah lots of redirection back to his room...met with constant testing and defiance

7:30 am Josiah moving as slow as possible to get ready for breakfast and acting up

8:00 am Josiah while I was coming downstairs he was reaching for Daddy's flashlight which was standing up on the counter. I said "don't touch that." He knocked it over and sent dishes crashing off of the counter.

8:10 am Josiah burping repeatedly after being asked to stop and then running from me when I asked him to come to me

9:00 am Josiah jumping on the furniture

3:00 pm Josiah pushing a friend down really hard at school

3:45 pm Deidra, Tracie, and Emily all got star stamps at school for a good day so they got to draw from the reward jar. Deidra got to stay up late. Tracie got to pick our dinner meal. Emily got story time with Daddy.

5:40 pm Josiah throwing toys because they didn't work at the walls and at his sisters

6:40 pm Josiah splashing water all over the girls when they were trying to wash up...Josiah was not supposed to be in the bathroom at the time.

MIL got an offer on her house!

I don't know if I've shared here or not, but my MIL is moving to TX. Her husband passed away just before Melina was born and she wants to move to TX to be closer to her grandkids and her sister. She needs more of a support system than what she currently has. We talked about it and I put her in touch with a realtor that Dave Ramsey recommended in her area...he called her as soon as she submitted her information. Total God thing! Her house went on the market a few days later. It's been up maybe a couple of weeks. She got an offer last night! She's planning on moving in with us while she gets back on her feet, finds a job, and all that stuff. She's going to room in with Deidra for awhile. If all goes well she'll be here in 2-3 months!

Attachment-Focused Parenting--Day 10

The day went much better, Tracie was excited to get to go to school. Josiah doesn't know what to do with himself when he's the only one home with me and the baby, but he did pretty well. He had a good day at school and Mommy and Melina had a lunch date with a friend. The adult time was much needed.

We got home after school and I had some stuff come up that I had to deal with and things just fell apart. He wanted a snack and I told him that I'd get him a snack when Emily came home which was just a few minutes away. I had a phone call that I had to take and the baby was crying for her bottle. While I was on the phone, Josiah started yelling very ugly at me "snack, snack, snack, you get me a snack right now." I told him that he doesn't ask for things for like that and that I would get him a snack after I finished on the phone and Emily was home from school. I turned around to finish feeding the baby and he had picked up a blanket and thrown it at me. Thankfully, it was just a blanket, but I told him for acting like that, he lost out on his snack. He went over to the recliner and tried to push it over. I had to end my phone call and put him in my lap to calm down. Then, we talked about the appropriate way to ask for things and that we don't push furniture over when we're mad.

Another phone call came in that I had to take and this time Tracie went in to use the bathroom, and when she tried to come out, Josiah had ran over to shut the door on her. Totallly ignored me saying "stop" while I was trying to get over there and just before I reached them, he had shut her wrist in the door.

Emily got home from school and got in more trouble at school and then she got in trouble on the way home from the bus driver as she opened up the emergency exit door while they were on their way home. I wound up giving her a time in and we had a huge talk about safety and how she could have gotten very hurt or someone else could have gotten very hurt due to her doing that. Thankfully, nothing happened, but she is not to touch doors and knobs while on the bus. The bus driver said that she wasn't even supposed to be sitting there in the first place as he doesn't let the kids sit there and they know that.

Deidra had a choir performance and we went to a local restaurant and watched her perform and sing Christmas carols. We got dinner while we were there and Josiah and Deidra got brownies for good behavior at school for dessert. Each day that the kids earn good behavior at school, they get to pick a reward from the reward jar. Tracie missed out on dessert, because she threw a huge fit again at her speech therapist over having to do therapy. This is really becoming a problem for her and we have no idea what is causing it other than it's starting to become really hard for her and whenever something gets hard for her, she starts throwing fits to get out of doing it. Anyway, as we were going to leave, Josiah started pushing and shoving as he didn't feel that Emily was walking fast enough and he always thinks that he has to be the first to do anything. Well, the place was so packed that he had to push past other people as well and I couldn't reach him and I'm saying "Josiah, stop. Slow down. Josiah quit." All the while, he's ignoring me...he got stuck against the garbage can that happened to be on wheels and he kept going at full speed taking the garbage can with him. Finally, I yelled out to Andy who was trying to get the other kids out the door as I couldn't get to him. I'm surprised he didn't knock the whole cabinet with the garbage can in it over. Andy finally was able to get to him and get him to stop and slow down, so no catastrophe happened. We had a huge talk once we got in the car about how we don't run and push and shove to have to be first and that we calmly wait and be patient. He is SO full of energy...if we could bottle it all up, we'd be rich!