It feels so good to do nothing...

I got up this morning at the wee hours of 4:30 am thinking that it was later than it was. However, Baby J woke up when Andy left for work. A few minutes later, Andy walked back through the front door. His headlight on the car had gone out so he came home to replace it. He left again around 5 and Baby J thankfully went back to sleep. I did some digiscrapping and then got Deidra off to school. I came home and cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room, got the kids dressed, read for awhile, came back to digiscrapping, read for awhile, the kids took a nap, they got up for lunch, they took time outs in their rooms, we're working on some behaviors today, Little E keeps refusing to eat and then when I got up to answer the phone she stole a cracker off of Baby J's plate, when I put her back at her spot at the table she flung her plate across the table and tried to make herself gag. Her plate was taken away and she was put into her room. She hasn't eaten since dinner last night, anytime I put the plate back in front of her she tries to fling it across the table...it's not like she doesn't like what we had...she's eaten it many times before without any problem. I'm so tired of her wasting food, that I finally implemented that if she's not going to eat at mealtime, her meals are going to be saved and re-offered at the next one. She does this and then tries to sneak food off the counter and out of the pantry. Drives me crazy! So, hopefully this will work...granted I have to majorly watch her or she tries to sneak and get food somewhere...but hopefully she will start understanding that we eat at mealtime or we go hungry. Baby J is really doing good on his meds too...still dealing with behaviors...but today was a first "I asked him if he needed to go to his room...he immediately stopped and changed his behavior." I rewarded him with a marble...gotta keep the positive reinforcements coming. He's doing really good. Well, Baby T wants to look at her scrapbook and then I think we're going to work on her speech words and then I may try to get another chapter read before I have to go get Deidra from school. :-)

My sweet little Baby J...

This baby boy can wrap anyone around his little finger. But, boy is he one huge ball of energy. We got him put on some ADHD meds on Thursday. He took the first dose before he went to bed, so we didn't really get to see how it was going to affect him. Friday, I gave him his dose before Mother's Day out and I didn't see a difference in his behavior when he was eating breakfast, getting dressed, or before we got in the van. However, once we got to MDO, he stood outside the van and listened to me tell him not to run off. He listened to me tell him to go stand by Little E on the sidewalk in front of the van. When I asked for his hand so we could walk down the corridor to the door to go inside, he told me "I do it, Mommy, I big boy." I decided to let him try but stood close in case he got the idea to bolt. My big boy actually "walked" to the door and "walked" himself to class. This is my baby who always runs and will only walk if I hold his hand. I let his teacher know that if he acted "off" it was because he just started new meds and we weren't quite sure how they were going to affect him. I do notice that he's more whiny, but these also make you drowsy and so I'm wondering if he's doing it because he's tired but doesn't want to give in. Anyway, when I went back to check on him he was playing with a toy at the table. I left and was so excited that I had to call Andy and tell him. Maybe this is just what he needed!! I was so proud of him yesterday, he had such a good day!!

UGH

The doctor dropped our medicaid for the foster kids. The girls have been complaining all night that their ears hurt. I'm tired and not feeling well myself...we just finished a zillion appts for today and now I have to take them into the ER as the only doctor accepting their insurance in our area doesn't have any new patient appts until the 4th of next month. Great...let me go expose them to more germs just to get them some healthcare.

Man, oh man!

I was up and down all night long last night with the girls. They'd cry and I'd go in to see what was wrong. Little E would just stare at me when I would ask her what was wrong. I'd tell her to go back to sleep, pat her back, and go back out. A few minutes later, she'd start crying again and back in I'd go. Baby T started as well and at first I thought that Little E was just waking her up. Finally, I hear Baby T say "owie...boo boo." You never know with her if she really has a boo boo...she could put her hand on her cup or something and that to her is a boo boo. So, I gave her a kiss and told her that the owie was all better. I tend to Little E and once again she just stares at me when I ask her what is wrong. Finally, I think to ask her "Little E does something hurt?" She looks at me and nods. I ask her what hurts and she points to her ear. I went down and got her some Motrin and gave it to her. I thought Baby T had gone back to sleep. I get back in bed and Baby T starts crying. On my way back to their room, Deidra gets up "Mommy, my ear hurts." I go downstairs to get the motrin for her and get her back in bed. Go in to check on Baby T and she says "owie, boo boo" and I ask her what hurts. She looks at me and says "boo boo" and I ask her to point to what hurts. Finally, she points to her ear. I tell her that Momma will go get her some medicine. I go downstairs and get some Motrin for her. I get her to lay back down and both her and Little E cried after I left the room. I explained to them that it was going to take a few minutes for the medicine to start working but that they needed to try to go back to sleep. I go back to my room and I wasn't feeling so hot myself and I complain to Andy...I'm getting no sleep and there is so much going on Thursday. I have 4 appts today and now I'm going to have to try and squeeze in getting 3 kids into the doctor. He says "I'll work from home because I don't feel all that great myself." I still don't exactly know how I'm going to make today work. The girls have speech at 8. The kids have occupational therapy at 9. Baby J has adoption prep at 1 and then he meets the psychiatrist at 1:30. Deidra gets out of school at 2:45. Somewhere between all that I need to get 3 kids into the doctor. Throw in the fact that I'm also going to havetime to go get Deidra out of school so that she can go, get some medicine into her, and then get her back to school. UGH. Maybe she'll just go part of the day today...I'll figure it out as I go I guess. All I know is that my ear kind of hurts, my throat feels raw, my nose is starting to get runny, and I ache all over.

I think we're all getting sick with some sort of crud...

Baby T woke up this morning with a runny nose and she was coughing. Deidra woke up and told me she didn't feel good...same stuff that Baby T had...I thought it was just allergies...I gave Deidra some Tylenol Cold & Allergy stuff before she went to school. Baby T had speech therapy this morning and the therapist commented that she didn't look like herself. she had purple under her eyes and I thought she just needed to go back to sleep and that she was dealing with allergies. Well, the therapist left and she wound up having some diarrhea and I decided to take her temp to see if she had one. She was running a temp so I decided I better back out of playgroup this afternoon so we didn't spread the germs, but I was really bumming about it. I fed the kids lunch and put them down for nap/quiet time and I was talking to a friend on the phone when my cell phone rang. Deidra's school was calling to let me know that she was saying she wasn't feeling great and that her ear was hurting. They thought she was ok enough to stay until the end of school as she only had about an hour left. I talked to her on the phone and she said that her ear was starting to hurt and she was coughing a lot and was tired. I called the doctor before I left to go get her to see if they could squeeze her in and they were booked solid. They told me to call in the morning if she still needed to be seen. Got her home and another dose of Tylenol in her system and she wanted to go play outside for a bit. She looks awful. I decided that I'm going to make Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup for dinner tonight with some biscuits. Andy also informed me that he isn't feeling well. I guess Josiah and I are the only healthy ones left in the house. But, we're all going to drink some extra vitamin C and go to bed early and hope that we're all good in the morning.

Isn't part of the reason that our country is so good is because of some of our freedoms here?

We all had a choice who to vote for didn't we? Our family has always voted conservatively. That's just who we are. Anyway, we voted conservative this time...we voted for Bush two times before. Do we agree with 100% of what these people stand for...no. My hubby put up on his Facebook page that he just wasn't impressed with Obama yesterday and he had some people post that they agreed with him, and a few people took what was said totally out of context and bashed him for his opinion. He made a joke that he wasn't drinking the kool-aid (how many times have us girls joked that we're not drinking the water as there's too many pregnancies happening?...he was joking similar to that with the kool-aid). Anyway, one of the girls we went to high school with jumped on him about how her opinions deserved respect and so on and so on. I read the whole argument and didn't see that he was disrespectful of anything and he made the comment that he wasn't trying to offend anyone, but that one of the beauties of this country was that we had the freedom to vote for whoever we wanted and that we had the freedom to express our opinions. Anyway, she got all nasty with him and said something to the fact that she should have known better and that her opinions didn't deserve respect and that she was out. I sat there for a minute and told Andy that he was on his own Facebook page stating HIS opinion...she was acting like he was supposed to CHANGE his opinion based on the fact that she didn't find her opinion notating respect. It's not like he went on HER page and bashed her opinion that she had posted or something. To me that's like going up to someone in the voting line and asking them who they are voting for, not liking their answer, and choosing to try to make them change their opinion by saying that they're not respecting your option to vote for whoever you want based on their feelings and so forth. Maybe, I'm not stating myself very well, but it's bothered me all night long.

Obama is our President now, there's nothing anybody can do to change that fact, I don't agree with a lot of what he says and stands for and I think he's full of promises and all I can do is hope that he stands by what he says he will and I wish the best for him and will pray for him, but I already don't agree with some of the things that he's done. Our country is apparently in such a dire need and he has promised all sorts of things to get certain states out of trouble. Yet, look at the amount of money that Obama not only spent on his campaign but turned around and spent on his inauguration (sp?) festivities...I understand that something like that is going to cost money, but I don't see the need to spend all that...how many people could he have helped with SOME of that money. I just don't think that he practices what he preaches.

Another comment on Andy's FB page was from another guy that we went to high school with...he had the nerve to say that he guessed when we moved to TX we had to sign some contract that we'd push our noses even further up Bush's a** so that we could get a bigger tax return. That really pissed me off. Even if we would have still been living in IL, we would have voted McCain. We left MI, because of the state's economy there. The person that made this comment is always complaining about everything and I guess I don't understand...if you're not happy somewhere...we have the power to move. It took a lot of changes for our family and we took a big leap of faith and moved down here...lots of prayers have been answered for us down here. Do we still miss MI? Yes, we do! But, it came down to the fact that we had to move to provide for our family and we are happy down here. Do we agree with all of Bush's decisions...not at all...

I don't know, I look at the state of our nation's economy and I get upset sometimes. Our society does not live within their means, we want something and we want it NOW, we don't have the cash to pay for it, but we have to have it because everyone else does, so lets all go out and get loans and credit cards that we can't pay for all because we just have to have it. Banks are in trouble now and are getting bailed out by the government...why not make these people responsible for WHO they are lending money to? Nobody wants to accept responsibility for their actions anymore. Obama says we're going to have to spend our way out of some of this before it gets better (I forget his actual wording)...since when do we go out and spend money that we don't have to spend and expect that to make things better? If anything, it only seems to me that is going to get us in more trouble and give us a bigger deficit to get out of. Then, again, I know nothing about politics and all that...and before anyone bashes me, these are my feelings that I am posting on my own blog.

Baby J

What a difference a doctor makes who truly listens and gets what you're telling him. We've been having some problems with Baby J for awhile now...he wakes up between 4-5 am and will not go back to sleep...rarely takes a nap...and then he goes to bed between 7-8 pm at night. We've tried pushing his bedtime back further, nothing matters he's up early anyway. He is such a sweetheart, but he hits the floor running and it doesn't let up all day. He runs in circles grabbing and pulling at everything and nothing holds his attention for long. He learned how to take his seatbelt off in the car and does it over and over and over. He's learned how to get the locks open on the door and will try to run outside. He runs from me constantly if we're out and about, so I constantly have to be watching him. I use the restroom, I have to be extremely quick about it as he will find something to destruct with the time that I am in there. And boy does he have a little temper, and his temper has begun to escalate and it can be over the dumbest thing and he will scream and scream and scream (no tears, just him screaming). And that could last a couple minutes to an hour or longer. I had brought him in to see the psychiatrist a month or two ago as I wanted to know what was going on. My caseworker said "Jessica, they will not give him meds as he's too little." I told her I didn't care, I really just wanted to know what was going on and what we were up against. The psychiatrist confirmed what I was thinking that he may have bi-polar. He was going to look into a minimum age of treatment for me and told me to bring him back to see him if I had questions. Well, a week or two ago I had a little meltdown, I felt like a failure as a parent...he does not listen, he runs and runs and runs, time outs and reward systems work for a few days and then he's lost interest, my occupational therapist says "put him in time out each time he doesn't listen, the defiance is all intentional, and you have to start realizing that you're the adult here." I kind of took offense to that statement as I am consistent with him, but it just doesn't work and honestly if I put him in time out each time he didn't listen, he'd sit in time out all day long. I can't imagine what that would do to his self-esteem. Anyway, we talked to our caseworker and she said she'd get us in to see another doctor who does behavioral stuff. We went to see him last night and he asked us to tell him about him. I told him that I had been wondering if there's something wrong with him, if he just has SO much energy that he cannot listen or what is going on with him. He let me know immediately "he's not doing it on purpose...you couldn't go and go like that on purpose or you would drop of exhaustion at some point." He said to him it sounds like Baby J has clinical ADHD. I never believed in ADHD...I always thought it was a discipline problem. Well, that has all changed now. We talked for a long while about him and he made us feel so much better. He told us to get into see the psychiatrist the next time he's in and he's open to trying some meds with him to see what works and what doesn't work. I had told him that the psychiatrist thought it coudl be bi-polar and I knew that if he was bi-polar and we gave him the ADHD meds that it would make it worse. He told me "yes, but you'll know immediately...it will only take a day or two and then we'll know that ok, it's not ADHD it's bi-polar." We had this happen with another little girl that we had here before. Anyway, they're going to try and get us in to see the psychiatrist this week or in a couple of weeks when he's back. It felt so good to finally have some answers. So, the plan is to try him on some meds and then go back to the behavioral doctor to see how he's doing and work on behavioral stuff if we still feel that he needs it. That's a prayer answered!

How do kids make messes SO fast...

I swear I need to stop using the restroom...it seems like everytime I have to use it the kids get into something or make a mess. What happened just a little bit ago?

Of course, Mommy has to use the restroom so in I go. Baby J and Baby T are drinking juice in their high chairs and Little E was sitting on the couch watching tv. I thought I was safe. Little E informs me while I'm in the bathroom that Baby T has pooped. I let her know that I'll change her when I'm done washing my hands. I come out...not only did she poop...she took her diaper off and dumped her poop all over the top of her food tray and smeared it everywhere. Gag!! I put her in the kitchen sink to wash her off and I washed her food tray off really well and put the high chair liner into the washer. I put her in time out afterwards and let her know that we just do not do that. I wasn't even in the bathroom that long...how they do make such big messes in SO little time??

So tired...

I got up and rushed the kids around to get ready as they were supposed to have speech this morning at 8:30. After all that, the therapist never showed up. I tried to call her to see what was going on with no answer. I called the occupational therapist to find out if they were off today due to MLK day and if she wasmoving her day to Thursday. I left a message and didn't hear anything back until after I had made plans to bring the kids to Dallas to have lunch with Andy. She told me she'd be here between 11 and 11:30. So, I left her a message saying that we were leaving the house at 12:30 since I didn't know what was going on. She called me back at 11 saying that she just got my message and she'd just come Thursday morning at 9. So, we left for Dallas and had lunch at Chick-Fil-A with Daddy. After that, I took them over to Uptown Village and let them play on the dinosaurs. Little E tried to run away as she got scared. I had to pick her up and have her sit on my lap on the bench for a little bit to let her know that they weren't scary. Finally she got up and started exploring a little bit, but she wouldn't climb on them or anything. The other kids were all over the place. Then, Baby T started giving other Mommies hugs and I had to keep reminding her that we didn't go up to strangers and that if she wanted a hug she needed to come to Mommy. I sat her back down and off she ran to another Mommy. The lady kept giving her hugs and I had to finally explain that I'm teaching her boundaries and not to go up to strangers. She left after that. I hope she wasn't upset with me, but at the same time I'm not really sorry that I said anything...I know she probably meant well, but Baby T needs to learn appropriate boundaries as well.

Then, we went to leave and I had to go to the bathroom. We went into Barnes & Noble to get a snack and use the restroom and there was a little boy standing by the door that tried to come out when I opened up the door. I quickly asked him if he was supposed to go outside as I didn't see him standing by anyone and he couldn't have been that much older than Little E. Anyway, he said "have you seen my Mom or my Dad, I haven't seen them in awhile?" I asked him if he was lost and took him by the hand to the front counter. She asked him his name and they knew immediately who he belonged to. She took him to his Dad and I watched to make sure everything was ok. The Dad didn't even blink an eye when she brought the little boy back to him. I finally went up to him and let him know that he was trying to get out the front door and that he had let me know that he didn't know where his Mom or Dad were. I wasn't looking for a thank you or anything, I just wanted him to be aware. And he's lucky that the right person found him. He looked at me and said "oh, I'm sorry" and then proceeded to tell him that he needed to stay by him. The guy turned around to look at a book and the little boy started to wander again. I pointed back to his Dad and the little boy went and stood by him before we went on our way. I was just in shock at how unphased the Dad seemed to be. I mean the little guy was anywhere between 3-4. You'd think that with hearing that he was trying to get out the door to the outside that it would have made him keep a closer eye on him...I don't know.

How Deidra Thinks Mommy's Get Pregnant

I was up at my agency on Friday talking to my caseworker about Baby J's adoption review (where we're at in the process and so forth). She had gone in my place since I couldn't go as Deidra only had a 1/2 day at school. Anyway, we were up there and the intake worker is pregnant with twins and I swear everytime I see her she gets bigger and bigger. She looks miserable as she's just an itty bitty little thing anyway. She said she still had 10 weeks left to go. Deidra says "I want twins" and our caseworker says "honey, I don't think you have any idea about what you're asking and how much work two babies are together." Deidra says "I'd help and besides I was going to be a twin or a triplet when Mommy ate me." The intake worker knew that we had done IVF with her (that's also how she is pregnant with her twins) as we had talked about it before. Her, my caseworker and I all looked at each other and just started to laugh. So, that my dear friends is how Deidra thinks babies get into their Mommy's tummies. I'm not in too much of a hurry to set her straight.

First Aid and CPR

We had to go and renew our first aid and CPR certification today. The videos kept making me laugh and then I would catch Andy's eye while I was trying to stifle it and he would make me laugh harder. I think it was catchy as after awhile all the other couples were laughing out loud right along with us. But, some of their scenarios just made me laugh. One showed a woman driving up to a stop sign and as she went to stop a man comes walking across the road on fire. She yells "oh, that man is on fire" and proceeds to get out of her car to go tell him to stop, drop, and roll and then uses her coat to put out the rest of the flames. We were all hysterically laughing...yeah, that's a scenario that you see everyday when you're out driving. And whoever knew that if you got a limb amputated that it could cause blood loss.... come on....where do they come with the stuff that they say...we're not stupid! Anyway, we're good for another 2 years now.

What a beautiful song...

I heard this song on the radio and just fell in love with it...

A good night and plans for today...

I was invited out for coffee last night after the kiddos were put to bed. I was a bit nervous, but I am so glad that I went. She was so nice and I wasn't as shy as I normally around people that I don't know all that well. She was really easy to talk to. She really is an answer to prayer. I have been praying for a friend down here...I was just praying recently that it would be nice to find someone who was new to the area just like we were so that we could explore and do things together. God, sent me someone that used to live in the Chicago area and moved here a couple of years ago. I knew when she contacted me a few days ago it was a God thing. It was nice to sit and talk with her and we talked about going to the library next week together. I'm a wee bit nervous with how my littles are going to do in the library, but I think I'm going to be courageous and give it a try. And to my newfound friend, thanks for reaching out to me and I enjoyed your company last night.

I came home and talked with Andy for a bit before we went to bed. Baby T woke up crying shortly later. Once Andy asked her what was wrong she quieted back down and laid back down and went back to sleep. Little E woke up this morning at 4 crying. Andy got up to turn his alarm off and he went to check on her. She quieted back down for a little bit and then at 4:30 she started crying again. I got up to ask her what was wrong and if she had to go potty. She said no and just laid back down. I went and rubbed her back and she acted like she was going to go back to sleep. I left and a few minutes later she started coughing and she started crying again. I got her up to blow her nose and gave her some more water to see if that would help. She laid back down and went back to sleep. Andy came to say good-bye to me and when he left Baby J woke up and him and Peanut (the little boy we're doing respite for)started playing. I went and told them to lay back down and Peanut wanted to, but Baby J was too interested in trying to steal his pillow and so forth so I wound up letting Peanut lay back down and I came downstairs with Baby J. He's been watching cartoons and eating some cereal before it's time for me to get Deidra up for school and then make their lunches so they can go to Mother's Day Out today.

I think once I get them to Mother's Day Out I'm going to come home and shower and then swing by our foster care agency to pick up a training tape that we need to watch and then I'm going to see about doing some cleaning in peace. Then, I'm going to sit and read for awhile before I have to go and get Deidra from school (she's got early release today). Heck, if I have time I may even lay down and take a nap before I have to go get them. Yeah, that sounds like a plan...

Foster care through the eyes of an 8-year old...

I love Deidra so much and I am so proud of her that I just had to share this. She just got a phone call from her friend and was telling her that we were going to babysit a 3-year old tonight through the weekend. Her friend told her "you guys are always babysitting." Deidra says "no, we're really babysitting him....but the other ones really live here until they can go home." My ears perked up as she was explaining and she was trying to explain that sometimes they have to be taken out of their homes and their parents are given homework that they have to do before they can get their kids back and we give the kids a home to live in while their parents do their work. She gets it...she really gets it. I've known that watching the kids come and go has got to be confusing to her, but I've tried to explain it the best way that I could. I told her when she got off the phone that I was proud of her and she says "well, I want them all to stay you know, but I know that they all can't as they have their real parents that love them too."

UGH!

The kids were supposed to be napping. I went up to get Baby J to find that he had used a crib board that he got from inside his closet to scrape up his wall behind his door. It's pretty bad and he got the other couple of walls in a few places too, but they don't look near as bad as what he did right behind his door. The only way to fix it is repaint. UGH!

I go in to get Baby T as I heard her start calling for me and assumed that she had just woken up. Yeah, I go in there to find her butt nekkid and she had shredded her diaper all over the place...it's in her crib and all over the floor. My brother stopped over and I had him help me carry the vacuum upstairs. But, I think I'm going to have Baby T help me clean up her mess.

Just a little Mommy vent for the day...now for Mommy therapy I think I'm going to spend my Gymbucks after I get Deidra from school

Lots to pray about...

We talked to our caseworker yesterday about Baby J's behaviors...they've been getting really bad lately. Stuff that's been present really since day 1 that we've had him, but they seem to be getting worse now that he's a little bit older. We had to resort to putting a door alarm on his door or he was getting up at 4 am to get into stuff. Anyway, the last couple of weeks have been really bad and his temper tantrums are getting louder and longer. The occupational therapist told me that she wouldn't even bother with trying to put him in time out anymore, she'd just put him in his room so that he learns that he's not going to get the attention anymore if it's negative or positive. I told her that was a whole other battle as he will not stay in his room unless I'm physically outside his door redirecting him back in when he opens the door. That's hard to do when you've got 2 other toddlers downstairs that you're trying to observe as well. The bigger thing that has me concerned is that he will not leave his seatbelt alone and can undo the top harness which then gives him room to lean over and undo the actual car seatbelt so that he's totally unrestrained. I have to constantly check him and pull over and fix it and put him back in his carseat the right way each time. My caseworker thinks that maybe he needs to just be the only one in the house with Deidra right now after the girls left. I just don't know if that's going to make a difference however, it's something to consider.

Then, we had the visit with the girl's caseworker and we were talking about whether the girls were going to be moved to the friend of mom's...turns out she's going through some things and they just don't know if it's going to be too much for her to support the kids while going through all of that especially when they're not hers and you don't know if it's a temporary or permanent situation. She did say that they were going to see how the mom does over the next 2 months and if she doesn't make much more progress on her caseplan they would probably be changing the goals. I know it all changes and can change on a day to day basis...but I know deep down that Mom loves her kids and I hope that she can get it together to get them back. Caseworker asked us if we were ok with them staying longer and I said yes. Our agency worker told us to think about what we wanted to do if they didn't reunify. So, lots to pray about.

The weird thing is that my Mom just said not that long ago and she was starting to see us as one big family that just belonged together. She thinks the girls really do pass as Deidra's sisters and lots of people have said that. We'll see what the future brings though...I don't want to get ahead of myself and anything can happen at this point. I am rooting for Mom though. I like her and deep down I know she loves her kids.

I think I figured out some things...

I told Andy that I think I finally figured out some things that I need to do for me. I told him that I'm really beginning to resent therapy. The girls have 2 hours of speech therapy every Monday and Tuesday in the morning. All the kids (minus Deidra) have occupational therapy every Monday for 3 hours. The problem that I keep running into is that I have to change my plans because they cancel at the last minute or they want to change days. Granted, I'm guilty sometimes too of needing to change the days. But, it makes it hard to plan a week when they do this as then they have therapy on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The girls visits are on Thursdays and then they go to Mother's Day Out on Fridays. I told Andy that it's hard to have a social life when things keep getting mixed up. I told him that I was going to talk to the caseworker and tell her that I was going to have a schedule and if for some reason they couldn't do therapy on those days, I'm going to see if we can just say ok and now we're going to wait for next week. I love these kids and want what is best for them, but I can't give up my life and not have a social life because of their therapy anymore...I need a chance to get out once in awhile and communicate with other adults. She's coming out tomorrow so I'm going to see what she says. I'm hoping that she'll be ok with it though. I also think I'm going to get back with playgroup and try to meet some people. I get so nervous around people that I don't know very well, but I keep telling myself...I can't meet people and make new friends if I don't put myself out there. I just hope I can actually talk and it doesn't turn into me having to chase the kids around and out of stuff left and right like I do here at home.

Busy last couple of days...

I couldn't figure out why my phone wasn't working when I went to make a phone call one day. I emailed Andy to let him know that there was something going on with the phone that he'd have to look at when he got home. When I picked up the phone to use it, I didn't notice anything wrong with it. I thought the kids may have unplugged or something, but I didn't really see what was wrong. Andy got home a few hours later and he found that there was water leaking out of it. Turns out after asking the kids what happened, Little E said she put it in the bathroom sink and toilet. How did I miss that?? Kids can do anything in a matter of seconds and sneak it totally by you I swear. So, it was off to Wal-mart to buy a new one. Andy plugged it in to charge overnight in the kitchen jack.

The next day, the phone still isn't working and I figure it just needs to charge a full 24 hours. So, we're without a phone again, but I didn't really mind since the girls had their visit and we're not home much that day anyway. Andy comes home and says "there's a problem with the phone jack now." So, we have to put in a service call. UGH! So, we put the phone back where it was since we know that the other phone jack works, I just don't like the fact that the kids can grab the phone there. So, I hope this one doesn't end up wrecked too.

Andy took Friday off as a vacation day so we could spend the day together since he had to go in to work today (Saturday) and it looks like he'll be working a lot of weekends coming up soon as well. Can I honestly say that I am sick of him having to work Saturdays? It takes away family time so bad and doesn't help my burn out mode that I seem to be in lately.

I do find that this week has gotten so much better when I take the time to spend in God's Word in the mornings. I need to make that a real priority to do this year and feed my soul and trust in Him.

Now, to get this house cleaned as there is clutter everywhere and that is getting to me as well.

What a difference...

Monday and Tuesday were not good days for me. The kids were totally wild, didn't want to listen, and we had speech and occupational therapy to get through. I had a melt down yesterday afternoon and was crying. I was really low and didn't know how to get myself out of the funk that I've been in so far this year. I wound up going up and meeting my Mom as she left work and we went for coffee at Hastings. I talked with her about how I was feeling and I told her how I just felt that I was on empty and I had no more to give anyone and I needed Andy's attention and love to try to fill me back up. She told me that I was going to the wrong source and that only God could truly fill me back up. Andy would help, but she said that whenever she gets in a funk it's because she's not spending enough time with Jesus. She gave me a book by Bruce Wilkinson yesterday (it's on my bookshelf if you look down below on my blog) and told me to start spending some quiet time in the morning. I told her that's so hard for me right now but I knew that I needed to spend some time doing daily devotions again as that had been on my heart lately, but Baby J gets up so early that I didn't know when I could do it anymore. She prayed with me that God would allow him to sleep long enough for me to get some quiet time in. I came home and talked with Andy (we really had a good talk and I felt a bit better). The night ended well and I went to sleep feeling so much better.

I woke up this morning when Andy left for work at 5. He told me good-bye and I heard him leave. Baby J woke up and I told him it wasn't time to get up yet. Most mornings, that would result in a huge temper tantrum and he would refuse to be quiet. However, he laid down and tried to get up again. I just walked in and put him back in his bed. He told me "I don't like beds." I told him he needed to stay quiet in his room. He laid in there for 40 minutes and I was able to read the first couple chapters in the book my Mom had given me, read the first Chapter of Genesis, and say my morning prayer. Then, he was at the door calling me. I brought him down and fed him some breakfast and let him watch some tv while I finished up. What a difference that truly made in my day. I was out later listening to Christian radio and they were talking about spending quiet time with Jesus and how it truly gives you peace. That was totally an affirmation to me that I was on the right track and I need to get back to giving Jesus part of my day so that he can feed me with what I need to sustain me throughout the day.

Feeling low...

I've had so much going on and I'm trying to slow down. Since Thanksgiving and the family argument, things have been weird. Things with the kids have me stressed out not knowing when/what is going on. The kids have all been out of whack lately and some behaviors are escalating. I'm tired and exhausted. Andy's been going out with the co-workers more. I'm feeling more and more like the maid and Mom than the Wife. We've been arguing a bit more lately. We're going through a dry spell and it's making me feel unsettled. I know we'll be fine, I just hate feeling this way.

I had a chance to go out on NY day with my Mom. We talked about a lot of things. I know I'm majorly battling a case of the lonlies, although I didn't really realize it until I told my Mom that I just really missed being able to hang out with friends. I talk with my best friends on the phone, and it greatly helps, but I miss being able to just hang out. I need to find a good friend down here.

I saw a friend that I used to work with on Christmas Eve and I hadn't seen him in a year. We made eye contact just before the service started and as I got up to leave we made eye contact again and he smiled at me. I got up to make my way back to talk to him. He has the gift of the Holy Spirit and he's fed my soul many a time without actually knowing what was going on with me, but telling me exactly what I needed to hear at the time. And I didn't actually realize until I was talking to my Mom about him on NY, that is what he was doing. My Mom said that when he went to pray with her on Christmas Eve when she was feeling low, he hit the nail on the head to her about something that she had been praying about and he wasn't even aware of what was going on either. I told my Mom that sometimes I have a hard time seeing people that have such gentle hearts for God as I miss that part of Andy and I's relationship. Yes, he believes in God, but he doesn't talk about God openly and he doesn't guide our family all that spiritually. It's hard to explain, I guess. Mom said that when we went to Mass on New Years, she told Mary that she was awfully lucky to have a Joseph that guided her, loved her unconditionally, and obeyed God with how he took his responsibilities and took care of Mary and Jesus. She said that she wanted to find her Joseph and I started to tear up and I got choked up. I reached across the table and took her hand and I couldn't speak for awhile. She named some people that she thought were Joseph's that we have known growing up and so forth and my friend from church was one of them. My first crush that lasted for many years, was one of them. His father was one of them. A church family that we know, she named the father. I told her that I wished Andy would take on more of that role, but I know that I can't change him and it's not like we don't have a good marriage...I just miss being able to talk/share about my faith in God with him and him with me so that we could feed one another spiritually as well. But, I guess I just have to pray about it and turn it over to God. God knows both of our hearts and only He can truly bring about the change.

In the meantime, I need to spend a lot more time on my relationship with God to get me through this anxiety in my life right now and to get me through this feeling of being lonely and feeling low.

God's little instruction book for couples...

I need to start doing some daily devotions again. They really help me to focus on the day and it gives me some time to spend in God's word as well.

I opened up this book that my Mom had given me a long time ago and read the first page.

The family begins in a commitment of love.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. -Ephesians 5:31

There's been some things going on since our marriage that have made this a struggle at times. Family belittles one of us and the spouse doesn't stick up for the other spouse. Arguments come up and again the spouse doesn't stick up for the other spouse or is left feeling like they have to choose. I don't want to go into details or name names for you know what I am talking about, Abba. I put them all into your Hands and pray for forgiveness for all of those times and that you will help Andy and I to know what to do in those circumstances when those things happen in the future.

New Years Goals...

Well, I think this is the year to lose this weight I want to get off. I'd like to digiscrap at least one layout a day. I'd like to read 1-2 books a month. I'd like to spend some time with God for at least 15 minutes a day. I'd like to make a few local friends down here to spend some time with. I'd also like to continue doing well in ebay and paying off our debts to become debt-free. I'd also like to stay current with fly lady and keeping my house clutter free.

4th of July

I used Athena's portion of the Liberty kit from last year.

I Finally Get To Be A...BIG SISTER!!

I used the My Baby Love kit from Raspberry Road Designs.

Water Day

I used the Water Wars kit from Penny Springmann for these.

Kindergarten Graduation

I used the Graduate kit from Scrapbook Flair for these.