My House

MY HOUSE

1.)) When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?
the play room

2.)) Do you have a dishwasher?
Yep

3.)) Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?
Carpet

4.)) Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?
Both

5.)) House, apartment, duplex or trailer?
House

6.)) How many bedrooms is it?
4

7.)) Gas stove or electric?
Electric

8.)) Do you have a yard?
Yes

9.)) What size TV is in the living room?
I think it's either a 36" or a 42"...I don't really know.

10.)) Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?
Nope

11.)) Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter?
Yes

12.)) What color is your home painted??
The outside is brick...the inside walls are painted a vanilla color.

13.)) What room is your computer in?
Mine is downstairs by the stair rail. Andy's is upstairs in our sitting room in the master suite.

14.)) Are there pictures hanging in your living room?
Not yet.

15.)) Are there any themes found in your home??
Not yet. Just frogs in the kids' bathroom. I have grape dishes in the kitchen.

16.)) What kind of laundry detergent do you use??
Purex.

17.)) Do you use dryer sheets??
No, we use Suavitel liquid softener.

18.)) Do you have any curtains in your home??
Not yet.

19.)) What color is your fridge??
White

20.)) Is your house clean??
Yes

21.)) What room is the most neglected??
they all are right now...they're all clean, but everything still needs to be unpacked.

22.)) Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty??
There are dirty ones in the sink waiting for the dishwasher to finish a load that it's cleaning right now.

23.)) How long have you lived in your home?
2 weeks.

24.)) Where did you live before??
In a rental house.

25.)) Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet??
No.

26.)) Do you have a scale anywhere in your home??
Yes...it's currently out in the garage waiting for us to unpack it. Then, it will be going in our master bathroom.

27.)) How many mirrors are in your house??
3

28.)) Look up. What do you see?
the thermostat

29.)) Do you have a garage??
Yes, we have a 2 car garage.

30.)) Are you planning on moving anytime soon?
Nope. We don't plan on moving from here...we built our dream house and we are happy!

Started Christmas Shopping...

We sat down the other night and put our list together of all who we were buying for and how much we were going to spend on each person. The people that we have to mail their gifts to are all getting similar items...however we had to sit down and decide what we were going to do this year. I ordered the first half yesterday and the 2nd half today of the gifts that we have to send out. Then, I just have to start shopping for the gifts of the people that we'll be spending Christmas with this year. I'm so excited to have a houseful of kids this year...I really am one blessed mama. Thank you, Abba, for blessing us this year with a house full of children.

The only other thing that I have to do is find Christmas outfits for the kids so that I can start my photography sessions for the Christmas cards. :-)It feels good though to be able to start shopping!

People really make me mad...

Deidra's cheerleading team did a candle fundraiser. I've never seen any candles like these and I just fell in love with them. Well, around that time we found out that Baby J's mom was maybe interested in putting him up for adoption and I knew that we'd need money for the lawyer when that time came. I asked the lady if she'd let me do monthly fundraisers through her and that I was going to register a tax id number and all that as I was really interested in doing craft fairs around here with my gourmet items and the candles as a way to set aside money for the adoption. Well, she was really great to work with and friendly and I really liked her. Well, around the time that we moved, I put the candles up on ebay in my store as I was so busy packing and taking care of the kids, I really didn't have much time to devote to selling them and figured I'd let Ebay do it for me. I sold a few and picked them up from her house. A couple weeks later, she emails me telling me that she sells on ebay under that name and so I took my items down (she had previously given me the ok to sell them online). Anyway, I emailed her today asking her what Christmas candles she had in stock as I had a few orders that I was going to place. She wrote me back saying that she had agreed to the fundraiser due to us wanting to fundraise for adoption and that in our auctions online it had said that our mission was to get out of debt. She felt that I had been dishonest with her. I copy and paste all of our auction terms that Andy was so nice to write up in html for me to use and I had completely forgotten that our auction mission was even posted on there or I would have changed it. Anyway, she's upset that I mislead her even though I wasn't and it was a total slip up on my part with not even realizing that it even said that on there. I wrote her back and she said that now if we're going to continue to do business together that she wants me to give her an additional 50 cents per candle to cover the taxes as when she said she'd pay the sales tax on the candle that was under the assumption that it was for adoption and she wanted to help us out. I got upset with her accusing me of lying, when I had totally even forgot that was even in there and I told her that I wasn't lying...it was an oversight on my part. Most of our ebay auctions are to get us out of debt, but we do have some adoption related items as well that those proceeds go directly into our adoption envelope so that we're set when we do get to adopt and we have money to retain the lawyer and all. Anyway, I've spent all morning and afternoon in tears over this and now I'm making sure that all of our auction items and store items on ebay have the correct mission statement info on there. It's not even necessary that we put it in there...I just like it serving as a reminder of why we're doing this. UGH

Anyway, I've already found her distributor's website and the wholesale information. I purchased the candles that I needed directly from the person who makes them and I'm going to work on getting my business registered and getting my sales tax id and go directly through the distributor instead of going through the lady here in town. Oh well...that will teach me to pay attention to detail and to slow down I guess.

Home Study Updated and Our Visit with Little J

Hi! Well, some of my stress is gone...our home study has been updated. Our caseworker came out early this morning to do our monthly supervision and updating our home study. Our home is now off of hold!

Little J's visit went well. She was totally running everywhere and jumping all over on Friday when she got here and Andy looked at me and said "I don't know if I can do this...you better think long and hard." He doesn't understand how girls get all excited and all when they get together so I had a feeling that she'd settle down once she got used to everything. We were constantly having to tell her not to jump on the furniture or run up and down the stairs. Bedtime was hard...she didn't want to go to bed...the shadows were scaring her and she was afraid of having nightmares. The weird thing too was that Baby D got totally clingy while she was here and wouldn't let me put him down. Maybe he thought she was going to get in on his territory or something, but he wouldn't go play with her or anything and when she tried to hug him, he started screaming for me to hold him. Our caseworker doesn't seem to think that they've really had a whole lot of interaction together in the home...so it will be interesting once she moves in how things settle in. Deidra and her were pretty much inseparable the whole weekend though...although Little J totally wore Deidra out. They pretty much played outside the whole time together with the neighbors and they'd come in to eat and so forth.

Saturday went a whole lot better, Little J had calmed down a lot and was listening better. She kept Deidra pretty busy and Deidra was wore out. She didn't want Little J to leave though. Little J is pretty head strong though...we had a couple power struggles and when I wouldn't do what she wanted, she told me she wouldn't come back. When I had to leave for work, I told her that I didn't know if I'd be back in time before she had to leave, but that I had fun getting to spend some time with her and that Andy would be staying with her. She said that she liked him and that pretty soon she was going to live here and that she liked it here. So, that made me feel better. I'm glad that she liked it here even though she didn't get her way the whole time. She's sweet for the most part, but she does know what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. She's also very protective of Baby D, although he really doesn't seem to want to interact with her a whole lot. Baby J bit him and she informed me "he better not ever do that to my baby brother again." Our caseworker said that if there's ever a time that we feel that we want her to come out and explain some things to her that she will. So, I think we'll be ok. The visit went well and I think with time she'll settle in pretty well.

Little J is coming for a visit!

Our caseworker called yesterday and asked if they could do a pre-placement visit with Little J either today (Friday) or Saturday or she could even spend the night. I have to work at 1pm on Saturday so we figured that today would be better. Problem is that now they can't get ahold of the fosterfamily that she's currently staying with to see when they could bring her today. So I pray that we'll still be able to visit with her overnight today and tonight. Please let everythign work out, Abba, as Deidra is really excited about her coming tonight and I told Baby D this morning and he's really excited about getting to see his sister as well. Please let this all work out, Abba, so we can spend some time with this precious little girl! We're all excited about Little J.

What we decided...

Well, Andy and I had the opportunity to really discuss a lot of things last night. It feels so good to connect with your husband! We really needed last night's talk. Anyway, one thing we talked about was Deidra's party. I'm going to go ahead and let her have her birthday party on Sunday (her actual birthday) from 1-3. That way, everyone has time to do their church and Sunday school thing in the morning too. We're going to send an invitation to his mom and Hal and Andy's aunt and uncle that live here in TX (that they're going to be staying with) and my Mom and brother will be here too for the party. I figure that way they know what's going on and they can choose to come and if they don't want to, then that's their loss as that's even less time that they'll have with Deidra. I told Andy that I don't think it's right that they they just expect him to take the day off of work to get them back to the airport. He said it bugged him to, but that's his Mom and he really didn't know how to handle it. He knows he's low on personal time and he said he'd probably have to make the hours up that week because of it. I'm going to leave that one up to him to discuss with his Mom if he chooses to. I really hate though how they don't care about putting anyone else out and we're just supposed to want to do it because "hey, they're here for Deidra's birthday to surprise her." When what it really boils down to is that it's really not about her at all.

We also discussed some of our short and long term goals last night and I brought up how I really just want to be done working at the Depot. This never having a full day off together unless one of us takes a vacation day is just getting to me. Especially giving the fact that it's hard to stay on top of chores and unpackign and what not when you have 2 little boys who are constantly trying to undo what you just did or you can't make the time to do what needs to be done. Andy said that he's especially starting to see what I go through during the week when he's at home alone with them on the weekends. But, it also bugs me too that we don't have any time to do things as a family and not feeling rushed to get it done because someone has to get to work. He understands and has said that it has started to bug him too. So, I think I'm going to quit right before Thanksgiving. I just can't do it anymore with 3(soon to be 4) kids and it's just not worth it to me anymore. I have to set up insurance again for Deidra and I and I told Andy that I'd pray about it in the meantime.

Andy expressed that he really would like to be debt-free by the time he's 35. He turned 32 yesterday..so I think it's totally do-able and I think we'll hit that goal way before he turns 35. His car is almost paid off (granted we're talking about trading in and getting a mini-van). We have a couple doctor bills to get paid off that we just incurred, and we have our student loans to get paid off. So...doctor bills, mini-van, student loans and we're there...everything but the house. So, I think it's do-able.

We talked about things that we wanted to get for the house. We're setting up a budget for those things and everything is going on a list. We'll buy them as we have the cash to do so. I think we're going to start with the bathrooms as that stuff is relatively inexpensive, then we'll move on to the kids' rooms, then we'll do the living room furniture, new kitchen table, and then we'll probably do our bedroom furniture last. We're going to start getting new playroom items too (slide, kitchen...bigger things that they can't make a mess with), and saving for a swingset outside.

And we also discussed how we needed to start making more time for one another. Things have been so busy and chaotic here that we forget to make time for each other and it shows sometimes. We talked about the miscarriage finally...that was something I really felt like I went through alone because so much else was going on at the time. He felt really bad once I finally opened up about how I had been feeling...we just need to take more time out for us to connect and really talk. I made a schedule for the house and other things that we have going on so that the house will hopefully stay clean and looking nice and there's time for the things that he wants to make sure that he has time for as well and we have our family time and time alone to talk too.

Am I making too much out of nothing?

Ok girls...tell me your thoughts? Am I wrong to be upset about this?

Deidra's birthday is Sunday, November 11. Andy's mom and Hal have decided to come into town to surprise Deidra by being here for her birthday. We didn't know until recently that they were coming for sure. But, they asked us to keep it a secret for Deidra. So, Andy's talking to his mom the other day and she starts talking about their plans for coming in. They're coming in on Friday and having her sister and BIL come in to pick them up. They're going to stay at their house on Friday and Saturday and then they'll come to our house for Deidra's birthday on Sunday. Andy asks when they have to leave and they say not until Monday at 3. She said that they're going to get a hotel room on Sunday night because of the kids (which we already knew). Andy told them that they were more than welcome to stay here if they wanted. Nope, they're getting the hotel room and they want us to check into pricing for them. Then, he asks them if they're going to get a car rental or whatnot and they say they're not planning on it. Andy said he'd probably have to take off work on Monday then for us to be able to take them to the airport. I told him that it's not going to be "us" taking them back to the airport. Deidra and Little J have school and I have to leave the house by 2:30 to go get them and besides we'd have to take 2 cars to the airport and I really don't feel like having to do that. However, Andy's running low on sick/vacation time and he'd be using up the last of it to bring them to the airport and I keep asking Andy what if I need him here at home or something over the next couple of months or we want to have an extra holiday day together for Thanksgiving. I am just sick of what our plans are or anything not being respected or even asked about. And on top of all this, Andy said that he didn't think it would be a good idea for us to do Deidra's birthday party on her birthday because he didn't think that his mom and Hal would be able to deal with the kids.

I don't think that's fair to Deidra when all she's been asking for is a birthday party with her friends (she didn't get one last year) and I had told her that she could have her party this year. Now if I tell her she can't, she's going to be upset and if I have to reschedule her party, I don't know how I'm going to do it with working weekends and I've already submitted all my time off requests for the first couple of weeks in November. And if I get too close to the end of the month, we'll be dealing with Thanksgiving. I just don't think it's right that his Mom didn't even ask what our plans were much less try to accomodate her and I'm also pissed that she could be spending more time with Deidra and she's choosing not to. So, a trip that is supposed to be for Deidra...really isn't about that anyway.

My Mom told me to have her friends over and let his Mom know about the party and that they're more than welcome to attend her party. If they choose to then they're there. If they choose not to, then that's up to them. But, I can see that making waves if we do it now. I just don't know and I am so mad...I'm really beginning to hate it when his Mom comes to town. If she cares more about seeing her sister that weekend, I don't understand why they don't just stay over there the whole time. Deidra won't even know the difference. I just feel like she doesn't care if they put us out or anything and I really don't think that's fair to Deidra when it's her birthday. And I'm sorry...I can see Deidra being excited that she's here somewhat, but it's not like she sees them enough to really know her...so I think it's unfair to ask her to give up her birthday party...and maybe I'm the one in the wrong for that...I don't know.

It's Andy's birthday today so I'm trying to keep my opinions to myself after their phone conversation last night so that I didn't spoil his birthday by being mad, but I'm really sick of them being so selfish. And I don't understand staying in a hotel because the kids will be too much for them. They go down for bed at night between 7:30 and 8. Bedtime isn't a circus...they go down really well and stay down. So, they plan on being here during the daytime when the kids are all awake and I'm sorry, I really don't think they're that badly behaved. I told Andy that I don't really see us having much of a visit with them if they think the kids are too much and want to go to their hotel room and to make Andy chauffeur them around because they don't want to get a rental, I think is what even makes me madder. I think he should be able to enjoy his own daughter's birthday without having to cater to his mom's beck and call. And I've already told Andy that if Hal makes any comments while he's here like what was said in Phoenix...I will not be keeping quiet. But, I know if I say all this...that only makes me look like the bad wife.

All moved in!

the front of the house...it looks so much more like a house with the sod put in and the shrubs and the tree. And a cool thing about the shrubs and the tree...we didn't purchase the landscaping package to add those...we were just going to do our own and I had finally gotten an idea of what I wanted to plant up there. And the day that we closed...we were in our final walk-thru with the builder and were asking questions about the grass seed and whatnot and he told us that they were giving us some shrubs and a tree. Apparently, they had been goofing up the final paperwork and giving everyone a landscape package recently and they've just been letting it go through...so we got some shrubs and a tree too!



the back of the house...you can even see some of our grass patches coming through after we planted the grass seed!

Struggling and feeling selfish...

This is something that I haven't really talked about here. But, here goes...

Ever since my Mom and Dad's divorce, my Mom has really gotten in deep into her faith. For awhile it was annoying that you couldn't have a regular conversation with her...everything went back to God and what He would want. Don't get me wrong...I'm a Christian and I depend on my faith to get me through a lot too, but she has desperately gotten in pretty deep. Her and I have had our fair share of arguments over it all. However, after a year or so I just got used to it and now I know it's just a part of who she is and I can always depend on her for Godly advice in any given situation.

Anyway, a couple years ago she started feeling called to be a sister (nun) and she found out about the third order (an order especially for those sisters who have been married, have children...that sort of thing). She prayed about it for a long while and this year she decided to start attending the meetings to find out more and next May she'll receive her orders. Now, this of course is huge. She talked to us kids about it. While I didn't necessarily agree with the timing of things and felt that she needed to finish raising my brothers first, I gave her my support. She's got to do what she feels she's called to do. I still think she needs to wait for my youngest brother to finish school before she really gets involved with this...(he's a junior in high school), but she said that God has been calling her for a couple of years now and she feels that she needs to do this. Well, she drives 6 hours down there to the monestary each month...stays for the weekend with the other sisters who are interested in joining the third order...and then she drives home. I check in with my brother and whatnot while she's gone.

Here's where I'm struggling. I get upset sometimes that she's got these boys to finish raising and Zach clearly isn't making the right choices...Jimmie's the spoiled youngest one that Mom dotes on and gives everything to...and I see him following right behind Zach. I don't think he'll be as bad as Zach is...but there's definitely room for improvement. But, I get mad too that she's always giving me the guilt trip to of how I'm always busy with the kids and I don't have time for her anymore and yet when I called her today to see if she wanted to go out with Deidra and I to go shopping, she told me that she was going to go home and pack for her trip. She had changed her mind about leaving early Sunday morning to meet with the sisters and is now leaving early tomorrow morning instead. Jimmie asked her to wait to do this until after he graduated, but nope she had to start this year. As a matter of fact, her first meeting was the weekend of my birthday so she wasn't even here for my birthday this year. That hurt a bit, but I kept telling myself that she had to do what she felt she was being called to do and my selfishness couldn't and shouldn't stand in the way.

She asked me if I wanted to go down there with her this weekend...she knows that I have to work. Then, I got this talk about how I needed to get out of the Depot and how maybe she'd take Margaret with her (this was the friend that we were having issues with due to her bad body odor that she had actually taken a break with over the summer and it's been nice) instead. I told her if she feels called to do this, she needs to do it...it's not about finding someone to do it with you. Not something like this anyway. She told me how she thought I'd make a good Benedictine and the good part about the third order was that you could still be married and have your children...you were just called to higher things. Why do I feel so selfish? I jsut want to be able to do things with my Mom when I want her around. I want her to be able to do things with her grandchildren when they want/need her around. I want her to notice what is going on with her sons and that she needs to be there for them. They're not going to admit that...but I just am worried about the timing of all of this.

Man alive!

Nothing I've done for the past couple of days has pleased Baby D. He wants things his way or no way. Everything is a tantrum. You drive past a fast food place and you don't stop...it's a tantrum. He doesn't want to eat, so you get him down...it's a tantrum. You won't feed him what he wants later and make him wait until the next meal...yup, you guessed it...it's a tantrum. I refuse to hold him whenever he wants...it's a tantrum. And his crying is getting on my nerves! He's been doing this fake cry thing too...no tears...just this constant whine/cry. I finally put him up in his bed to go to bed. I don't know what his deal is. But, it's awfully annoying that he's been acting like this after his visits and it's taking a couple of days to get over it every time it happens. Everyone that has been seeing how he's been acting has said that seeing his parents must trigger the behavior. Well, then why are they allowed to have visits? I so cannot wait until 6 when Andy comes home and I so hope that Baby D will fall asleep soon so I can have an end to this annoying crying. If he had a reason to cry, I'd understand, but it's over everything. Nothing makes him happy these past couple of days. And the only thing that I can pinpoint it all to is his visit. This mommy needs some calgon!

Little J Should Be Here Sometime Next Week

The fire inspector came out today...we passed...I thought we would. I wasn't too concerned. I'm just glad that he could come out right away. I'm still waiting to hear from the health department over getting our environmental inspection, but she hasn't even called me back yet to schedule it. My caseworker was going to come out on the 29th to update our homestudy, but we moved that to Monday instead so that we can get everything out of the way so that Little J can come sooner. I really want her to be here by Halloween so we can take her around with us. I'm wondering if she has a Halloween costume yet or not. I guess we'll find out. If not, we'll have to find one for her last minute. I'm really finding myself excited about getting her and she is so adorable. She really looks a lot like Deidra with her blonde hair and blue eyes. I've been told that she's a little more wild than Baby D, so I am anticipating that we'll have a few struggles. If she's anything like Baby D, bathtime, bedtime, and eating healthy are going to be our issues. But, I guess we'll see. I am excited about getting to shop for little girl clothes again...those are so much more fun than boy clothes. However, the boys are fun to shop for too...I just find that it's a lot of the same stuff over and over. But, if we can get our homestudy updated, then I'm hoping that she'll be here a couple days after that...so I'm thinking that later on next week she'll be here!

Need a Mommy Time Out

Well, I need to get out of the house for a bit tonight. I need some non-mommy time without someone wanting me to hold them or whine at me because I won't let them do something. I'm finding my patience running thin...so I know I need some time out. So...I told Andy that I was going to go out and finish up the boys clothing shopping for the month. This morning, I had the thought of asking Deidra if she wanted to go with me. She does! So, I told her we'd get her Halloween costume too since I already bought the boys. Anyway, she's really excited. We're trying to spend some one on one time with her each week so she doesn't feel left out with all the fosterkids as the boys do take up a lot of my time. So, it'll be fun. And I plan on taking a bath tonight as well. I can't believe that I haven't done that yet. I'm still having issues with not feeling the greatest. Even Andy commented last night on how I'm not eating or drinking much lately. It just doesn't sit well in my stomach once I do. Anyway, I just feel exhausted. I tried to lay down for a bit while Baby J was napping. Baby D was laying on the couch by me watching tv, but every time I managed to try to doze off he'd have to tell me what he saw on tv. Then, he tried to go upstairs to wake Baby J up and so I had to run after him. Finally, I realized that it just wasn't going to work and so I got up. UGH!

Fire Inspection

Well, the fire inspector called. He's coming out tomorrow at 11...so that's one thing out of the way. Hopefully, we can get off of being on hold sooner that way and Miss J can come next week.

Busy Busy...Busy Bee!

So, the latest news is that our home is on temporary hold until we get our fire inspection and environmental inspection done. We have to submit new disaster plans, get pictures of the house submitted, and turn in our room dimensions and mark which rooms are used for the children. It doesn't sound like a lot, but on top of normal every day stuff, trying to unpack, taking care of the kids and helping Deidra with homework and stuff once she gets home, and doctor visits and caseworker visits I can just feel the stress. Not to mention both boys have had their fair share of temper tantrums the past couple of days and I'm still not totally feeling 100%. But, things are slowly getting done and I finally told myself that the house doesn't have to look perfect for the inspections....just as long as what the inspections are for are taken care of. I'm not super happy about that...I like things to look nice when people come over and I stress out over it at times, but I'm just going to have to deal with it.

My caseworker stopped over today to drop off some gift certificates and she said that if we can get the fire inspection done asap, it will take us off of being on hold sooner and she could come out early next week and do the home study update so we can get Little J moved in. So, I've left messages for the inspectors so hopefully someone calls me back soon. I'm hoping to have them come out tomorrow so that we can get my caseworker back out here on Monday. I'd like to have Little J here for Halloweeen.

Now, I'm going to go unload the dishwasher and switch some laundry around, run and grab Deidra from school, and then get back here to do her homework and get some more unpacking done. Then once Andy gets home, we'll eat dinner and I'm going to make a run to Wal-mart for some things that I need to put in place from our quarterly monitoring...protective covers for the cribs/beds, toothbrush covers, and thermometers for the fridge/freezer. Then, I have to get some clothes for the boys now that the temps have finally started to get cooler. I may look for a few things for Deidra too, although I've been buying a lot for her with clearance sales and whatnot lately. But, I may look for some more jeans, skirts and dresses for her since she could use some of those. I need to get a welcome mat for the house too as well as a rug for the entry way.

Well, Little J is coming!!

The children's advocate has really been pushing for the 5-year old sister of D to come and stay with us. She thinks we're doing a wonderful job with the kids that we have and she really feels that Little J (the 5-year old sister) needs a mother who stays at home. She's in kindergarten, but doesn't know her numbers, alphabet, colors, or shapes. She also knows very little boundaries, which is what we're also seeing with D. Anyway, the children's advocate thinks that she needs a mother that is home with her that can teach her and oversee her and teach her what real family life is like. Anyway, she wanted to know if we would take her. We've been saying for the last month that we would be willing to take her.

Well, we moved and found out that their big brother lives very near to us. What a fluke that was to find out, but it will be good for the siblings.

The family had court yesterday and some things were discussed. I called today to find out how court went since we were sick and court started at the same time I had to get Deidra from school. They said that little had changed and that the children's advocated for J, although it looked like they were going to keep her in her current foster home for the time being. Well, an hour later, our worker called and told me that CPS had decided that they wanted J to come and live with us. Wow! I don't know when they're moving her just yet..whether it be tomorrow or sometime next week...but she's coming! We'll have 2 blonde haired blue eyed princesses in the house now! Deidra's down playing at the neighbor's and I can't wait to tell her! She's been praying for her to come...they've already met and Deidra really likes her so far.

What a fluke!

So, Baby D had a sibling visit today with his sister that moved south of here along with his parents. The CPS worker and I were talking and she happened to mention that she didn't have our new address to come and get him for the visit. I told her and she said "well, that's interesting that you say that." I'm thinking..what's so interesting about that?" Well, Baby D's older brother lives very near us.

I've been asked if it came down to it if I would take in J (the 5 year old girl) and M (the 10 year old brother) and I just didn't know if I was comfortable taking in someone that was that much older than Deidra. Deidra is all for it. However, I just didn't know as that would change our family dynamic and all. Anyway...I'm starting to think that God has other plans...but in the meantime this gives us a chance to get to know him and to see what comes of things. We're going to go over there later this week and introduce ourselves and let him know that he's more than welcome to come and play if he wants to.

My daughter...the social butterfly!

Right before we moved, a new family moved in on our street and she got used to playing with the girls. She was upset when we moved and she had to tell them good-bye. I kept trying to tell her that the new neighborhood had tons of kids in it...you see them out on walks all the time or walking to school or playing in each other's yards. Well, she finally realized that I was telling her the truth. She's got friends right next door and at the house next door to theirs and today she discovered more kids 3 houses down from us. So, they're all out in our front yard playing tag. She's absolutely in heaven! It's nice to see her having other kids to play with and they're all getting along.

I hate the flu!!

I'm so sick of passing this darned old flu bug around. Deidra and Baby D both had it last week Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. They were fine the rest of the week. Deidra was even back at school on Tuesday. Anyway, Saturday night when I was at work I started feeling nauseated and my stomach started hurting. I didn't really think I was getting sick...I woke up early Sunday morning though and started barfing. I finally managed to get back to sleep around 5 am and I was going to wake up early to call into work. Well, the next thing I know is Andy is telling me that it's 7:30 (I had to be to work by 8 and they require at least a 1 hour notice). So, I somehow managed to get dressed and drove into work. I felt drained, had no energy, and just felt sick to my stomach. I sauntered up front very slowly and informed my supervisor that I had the stomach flu and that I needed to go home when the next cashier arrived. She didn't know how possible that was going to be, but said she'd see. I was mad, but didn't have it in me to say anything. I was more focused on not throwing up on any customers while I was trying to ring them up. I stood up there for awhile and then I told her I was going to go to the bathroom. I took off for the back and managed to make it in time. When I came back, she asked me if I could hang in there until 9 and then she'd let me go home. I told her that was fine. I think they were upset with me, but what was I supposed to do?

I came home and didn't move off of the couch or my bed all day long. I'd snooze for a bit, wake up, feel absolutely miserable, and fall back asleep. The nausea just rolled through me and I was in so much pain. Nothing I did helped and I absolutely could not get comfortable. I didn't remember feeling this sick in a very long time. Andy drug the kids around with him back and forth to the old house (we just had to clean over there) all day long and he took Deidra to Sunday school and he took them all to the store.

He called in to work on Monday as I was still feeling quite awful and I couldn't function much. This time it was all coming out the other end though. And when we were feeding Baby D his breakfast, he started throwing up. Yup, he's got the flu again. So, he missed his visit for the 2nd week in a row and he will not let me out of his sight and if I'm not holding him, he's throwing an absolute fit. And with the way that I've been feeling, I don't want anyone on my lap let alone touching me all that much.

He was supposed to have a sibling visit this morning (Tuesday) and he barfed all over in the car when I was taking Deidra to school, so I don't know that that's going to happen either. UGH!

I just hope that nobody else gets this stupid bug. I'm so tired of cleaning up barf and doing laundry and I'm tired of feeling miserable. I feel bad for Baby D too. They don't understand this stuff when they're that little. I think I'm going to check into getting them flu shots though.

We're officially moved in!

We got all moved in!! We closed on the house on Thursday morning and started moving stuff over on Thursday night. Got to bed around 1 am, but it was nice to stay in the new house. We just slept on our mattresses on the floor. Well, the boys slept in their cribs...but they were the only ones who had their beds put together. Got up early Friday morning, had a mishap with the U-Haul (it needed to be jumped) that set us back a couple of hours. Ran up to Home Depot to get our new refrigerator and then loaded up all the remaining stuff that was left over that needed to be moved. Got to the new house to unload and went to bring the new refrigerator in and it wouldn't fit through the door. We wound up taking the door off and it still wouldn't fit. Had to run back up to Home Depot to rent an appliance dolly so that we could bring it around to the back to bring it in through the slider. That finally worked! So, we're all moved in now...

Moving Day...

Well, we close on the house tomorrow morning and then we move on Thursday/Friday. Wow! I so cannot wait to be in the new house! All that room is going to be sooooo nice!!!!!!!!! Yes, I'm excited!

Doomed for Divorce??

I watched the Tyra Banks show last night. It was very interesting and I had to take the quiz. This was what her show was basically about. Learn the five simple questions you need to ask yourself to see if you’re doomed for divorce! With the average marriage lasting only seven years, Tyra gives you a simple quiz that could save you from a lifetime of heartache. She also helps two couples determine if they should tie the knot or call it quits.

Here's the quiz:

Have you attended college?

Is your annual income over $50,000?

Do you have a religious affilliation?

Are your parents still married?

Were you or are you planning on getting married after the age of 25?

How to score your test...
Have you attended college?
According to Cosmopolitan magazine, if you've attended college your risk of divorce decreases by 13%.
If you've attended college give yourself 1 point.

Is your annual income over $50,000?
If your income is over $50,000 your risk of divorce decreases by 30%.
If your income is over $50,000 give yourself 4 points.

Do you have a religious affilliation?
If yes, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
If yes, give yourself 1 point.

Are your parents still married?
If yes, your risk of divorce decreases 14%.
If yes, give yourself 1 point.

Were you or are you planning on getting married after the age of 25?
If you marry after the age of 25, your risk of divorce decreases 24%.
If you were married after the age of 25, give yourself 3 points.

According to Cosmopolitan magazine if you scored...
4 or less...you are doomed for divorce.
5-7...you might have a chance.
8-10...go ahead and get hitched!

We got a 6...I'm glad that we got married. Our strikes against us...we got married when we were 21 and our parents both aren't married. We've both said though that it only makes us try harder...we don't want to put our children what we've been through ourselves watching our parents go through that. I think we've been successful so far!

Ghost Town

This one I did with Shabby Princess' vintage floral brown paper and Laura Barvin's Ghost Town Alphabet.

I needed a break from packing, kids, and a racing mind. So, I completed a scrap page today. :-)

Well, I asked to talk to the doctor...

Well, I asked to talk to the doctor himself about things as I just wasn't sure what to do. He called me back and talked to me for a bit. He said that yes, my labs showed very low levels for a positive pregnancy test, but just barely. I had the repeat test done to see if the levels doubled and I definitely tested negative this time. I asked him what that meant and he said that a lot of early pregnancies ended in miscarriage and that he was sorry. I told him what the nurse had told me and that I wasn't impressed since the only people I knew of that had false positives were infertility patients. He understood where I was coming from. I asked him if I should have an ultrasound and he said if my levels were higher and dropping, he'd bring me in to do one to see if we needed to do a D&C, but with my levels dropping to negative levels he felt that there wasn't anything attached to my uterine wall any longer that would require doing a D&C. He asked me about the bleeding and so forth and I told him that it was getting better and the clotting had passed. He feels that the clotting was more than likely due to the m/c and that it has all passed through. He told me to come and see him if the bleeding hasn't subsided in a couple of weeks or it got any heavier, but that I could bleed for a little bit longer yet.

The Verdict is In

Well, I called the doctor's office this morning. I talked to the nurse and told her what I was looking for. She came back on the line saying "it was negative." I asked her how that happens when I had just been in a couple days before then and both the urine and blood test came up positive. She asked if I had them done there and I said yes (she had been on vacation and another nurse was handling her patients). She put me on hold and came back on the line saying that they must have been false positives. I told her that the only people that I knew that got false positives were infertility patients that had been taking hcg hormones in order to ovulate. She just said "well, it happens sometimes" and pretty much ended the conversation. I am so mad. How did I get 2 positive tests here at home, a positive urine test at their office, and a positive blood pregnancy test then and those were all false?? The only thing that I can think of is that my suspicions were right and it was a miscarriage in progress and that my levels must have finally dropped to negative levels. I'm still bleeding a little bit, but most of the clotting (sorry for tmi) has stopped. All I know is that I'm going to find a different ob-gyn office where they are a little more concerned about thier patients and what is truly going on with them.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers during the past week. I love all of you for that.

What a weekend!

Friday was a crazy day! We had our walk-thru on the house in the morning. We had to take the kids to the sitter's house who just happens to be another foster parent since you can't just have anyone watch foster children (thank you so much, Misty, for helping us out! This was the first time we had used respite care and I plan on returning the favor very soon. She's going to watch them on the 11th when we close on the house too! Anyway, we got there around 9 and made sure the kids settled in ok and then I had to run our monthly paperwork over to the agency really fast. Chatted with our caseworker for about 15 minutes about a couple things concerning Baby D and the upcoming court hearing on the 16th. Then, we ran over to the house for our appt at 10 am with the builder. We pointed out anything that we saw that needed to be fixed or touched up and he explained everything about the house to us. 3 hours later we finally finished up and had to run back to get the kids so that we could get Deidra downtown for the homecoming parade. We ran back to the house, got her into her cheerleading uniform, got the boys something to drink, and drove down the street before we realized that we had no chance at parking any closer to where the parade was going to start. So, we parked the car and walked. The parade was really good and the boys enjoyed themselves. We got annoyed at the people who were standing next to us as they kept getting in our way of trying to take pics and were practically right out in the road. Anyway, they caused us to miss our picture of Deidra in the parade so Andy ran down the road to get her picture. So, we got one for her scrapbook! Her very first parade that she was in! After that, we had to go find their float so we could get her and get back home so that we could head off for the State Fair. It took awhile for them to cycle back in and the boys were getting hot (Baby D doesn't deal with the heat well at all). They drank their milk in like a minute and we were finally able to find Deidra and get her. We walked back to the car and drove home. We got everyone inside and Baby D wound up throwing up all over. He's getting over a bad tummy virus, but I really thought that he just got sick due to the milk being too heavy for his stomach in the heat. I got him cooled down and rehydrated and gave him a bath and he seemed to be doing a lot better. So, we decided to head to Dallas for the State Fair. We got down there and ate some dinner...I shared some chicken tenders, fries, fried cookie dough, and fried latte with Deidra and the boys. Deidra rode a little kiddie coaster and played a game so that she could win a prize (she got a little frog). We walked around and went through the petting zoo (they got to pet a kangaroo, giraffe, cows, sheep, bison, pigs, and others). Baby D was just in awe and loved it. Baby J liked it too but he would start the whole arching his back thing when the animals left. It was neat to see their reactions to the animals though. We headed for home shortly after that.

Saturday was Deidra's homecoming game. We got up and did a few things around the house, I had to set up all the new utility accounts and schedule shut-off on utilities here at the current house, Andy packed a bit while I did all that...then we had some things to make up for the girls to throw at the game, and then it was time to get her ready to go. We got everyone ready and I decided that due to the rain I better drive separately in case there were any game delays as I had to work and I wasn't sure if her game would be done before the time I had to leave for work. Well, the boys and I followed Andy and Deidra to the game and once we pulled into the parking lot we were waiting behind this SUV that had stopped. Well, apparently she decided that she was a little too far up from the parking spot she wanted, threw her car into reverse and totally smacked into Andy and Deidra. She got out and took pics with her digital camera and I just had a funny vibe about things. I had a feeling she was going to try and say that Andy rear-ended her and so I told Andy that he needed to call our insurance company and report it right then and there and so he did. Later that day, the agent called back. The lady tried to put a spin on things. She tried to say that Andy didn't pay attention to her reverse lights and ran into her. I asked Andy if he happened to tell the agent that there was a witness to the whole thing (I was parked right behind Andy) and so he said that he never mentioned that. The agent won't be back in the office until Tuesday though, so I'm going to call him first thing Tuesday morning and let them know what happened. We're looking to sell that car soon anyway, but it really makes me mad when people lie about things so that they can try and get out of paying for things. She even told Andy when she got out of the car that the whole thing was her fault as she didn't even look before she backed up. Anyway, their game went well (they won!) but Baby D was fussy and I spent most of my time under the bleachers with him as it was cooler under there. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he wouldn't let me sit down with him or he'd throw a fit. I figured other people didn't want to listen to that, so I tried to keep him occupied underneath the bleachers. We came home and then I had to go into work. Work was slow and boring and dragged. Finally it was time to come home. Andy had packed up Deida's room while I was at work and then we ate quickly and sat for a little bit talking before heading to bed. Well, I wasn't even asleep for an hour before Deidra woke up throwing up all over her floor. She must have thrown up every hour there for awhile and after awhile it was coming out both ends if you know what I mean. Needless to say, we didn't go to church in the morning. She slept by me since the bathroom is right there by our bed and would get up running for the bathroom.

Sunday morning finally came and she got up and wanted me to get her some Sprite from the store. She looked absolutely terrible and so I ran up to get her some sprite, jello, tylenol flu, and some other things to try and make her feel better. She is absolutely miserable and so tired. My brother came over for a bit and I told him he was entering at his own risk as Deidra's very sick, Baby D still isn't feeling all that well, and Baby J has been a tad fussy too. He stayed for a bit and then when I had to leave for work, he walked back up to the church to wait for my Mom (she was teaching her catechism class). When I came home from lunch, she was retching again and just looked like ghost. I went back to work worrying about her and my supervisor let me come home an hour and a half early so that I could be here for her and baby her. She's got homework to do for tomorrow, but at this point I have no idea of whether I'm going to send her or not. Then again, I don't want her getting a strike for not turning in her work again. So, I guess I'll try and wake her up in a bit to read her books and write her sentences.

Well, we have a lot of packing to do still. Really the only things packed that we have so far is Deidra's room, our closet in our bedroom (all the ebay stuff), and our dishes. We close Thursday morning and then are going to go up and get the moving truck and buy our new refrigerator, blinds, and grass seed. Then, we have to go get Deidra from school, the boys from the sitter's, and then Andy's friend from work is going to come down with his girls and I'm going to watch the kids while they move the bigger stuff. Whatever they don't get moved that night, my brother Jimmie is going to help us with on Friday as we'll have to have the moving truck back on Friday afternoon. So, if you don't hear from me much this week...this is why as it's going to be a very busy week.

Still don't know anything...

I want to thank those of you for your prayers and positive thoughts. However, I still don't know anything. The nurse told me on Thursday morning, that someone would call to set up an appt with the doctor for me when they called me with my results. I had told her that Friday was going to be a crazy day and that it was ok to leave the results on our voice mail if we weren't home. She noted that in my chart. Well, I was disappointed to get home last night to have no messages and when I tried to see anyone who called on the caller id, I saw that they didn't even try to call. So, I'm going to call them first thing Monday morning to find out why I wasn't called. I wish I would have brought their number with me when we were out and about so that I could have tried to call them on my cell...but things were so crazy yesterday, I'm lucky that my head was screwed on or I would have forgotten that.

Went in this morning for my 2nd bloodtest...

I went in this morning for my 2nd bloodtest to check my hcg levels to make sure they're going to double. She said when they get the results in they'll call to make me an appt to meet with the doctor. He wants to make sure that my diabetes stays well-controlled so that I don't run into the same problems that I had with Deidra.

Andy and I were talking the other night about the differences between working with a reproductive endocrinologist (when I got pregnant with Deidra) and a regular OB/GYN with a pregnancy. It's so different.

I remember going into the reproductive endocrinologist's (RE) office for my bloodwork with Deidra. I had already taken a urine pregnancy test that morning and tested negative. I didn't even know why I was there getting the bloodwork done as I was so convinced the IVF (in vitro fertilization) didn't work. It had been our 3rd attempt and I just felt defeated. Anyway, I got the bloodwork done and we went back home. Andy left for work and I sat on the couch praying my little heart out. Imagine my surprise when about 3 hours later, the nurse called me. "Honey, we have a positive pregnancy test." What?? I had tested negative on my urine test. I sat there shaking and grinning from ear to ear. Turns out that my urine test didn't pick up a positive until my hcg levels were at 150 and my blood test showed a 72. That explained that and then she told me I'd have to come back for a repeat test in a couple days to make sure that my levels had doubled. Once again, I went in for my blood test and a couple hours later they called me with my results. All was good and my levels were in the 300s. A week or so later I went in for my first ultrasound. Granted, you couldn't see much...just the sac...but we at least knew then how many embryos took. And I had been on progesterone shots since the embryo transfer so I wasn't worrying about losing the pregnancy to low progesterone levels as I knew I was being very closely monitored. A couple weeks later, we had another ultrasound and then he handed me off to my OB/GYN.

I hate having the blood tests now and having to wait until the next day after the office closes for them to call me back with my results. But, I also know that they don't have a lab there as well like my RE's office did. With my history though, I wish they would watch me a little more closely. I'm glad that they agreed to do the beta hcg bloodtests for me with my concerns and I know that I must just be patient and wait to see what this set says...but I'm so nervous and scared. I never had a lot of hope for this pregnancy from the minute that I found out, but the fact that I even got pregnant is a miracle in itself. We had given up hope that it was ever going to happen again with the way that my cycles are due to this stupid polycystic ovarian syndrome.

But, this has also been a huge wake-up call for me as well. I need to get myself back to being healthy...my diabetes needs to be controlled better. I know I've had a lot of people concerned about my health when I told them what was going on...they all remembered me struggling with my pregnancy before. I've really been trying for the past week and it is making a difference.

Barely Pregnant?

Well, the nurse called me back last night. She said that anything over 5 is considered pregnant and my levels are only slightly above that. So, she says that I'm barely pregnant. I'm still bleeding though, so I asked her if she really thought I was pregnant or if I was in the middle of miscarrying and she said there's no way to tell until I have the other blood test done and he wanted that done within 48 hours...so I'm going to go back Thursday morning to have it repeated. She said he'd want to schedule an appt with me after the blood test results came back in since I am a diabetic and that needs to be well-controlled throughout the pregnancy. I told her that right now I was too scared to even think that far. I'm scared...

Pregnancy Confirmed

Well, I had a wonderfully understanding nurse give me a call back. I explained what was going on and I asked her if I could come in for a blood test to see where my numbers are at. She told me to come on in and she'd get me all set up.

When I got there and told the receptionist I was there for blood work, she asked me what they were doing. I explained briefly and she wasn't going to do it. She said they normally only give a urine test to confirm it. I told her that they could do both if they wanted to, but that I really wanted to see where my numbers were with the bleeding that I had going on. She said that they'd have to have the doctor's ok and that he was at the hospital. I asked to speak with the nurse and she called her upfront.

She brought me back and said that we were going to do the blood test first and to appease the receptionist, we'd do a urine test too. The urine test in the office came up a whole lot darker than the test I took yesterday. She told me not to worry as each test picked up different levels of hcg than others and that a line was a line. I asked her if she thought I needed to be on progesterone supplements and she said that she'd try to get me a prescription from the doctor when they called me with the test results tomorrow morning, but in the meantime she was going to give me a progesterone shot. That was fine with me.

She understood that I was being cautious about things...I told her I'm scared to be happy, but yet I don't want being scared to take this moment of happiness either. She understood my concerns and said that they'd call me in the morning with my test results and that he may bring me back on Wednesday to do another test and even possibly one more on Friday. I told her that was fine, I just want to know where things stand. But, for now, I'm going to stand in the moment...I'm pregnant!