My New Dress for Date Night with the Hubby

Hubby and I won free dinner at a Mexican restaurant and a free night stay at the Mariott hotel in Fort Worth at our foster parent appreciation banquet. We're also going to try to make it a goal to start going out once a month and getting some real "us" time in. I saw this dress on my favorite store online and I was so surprised to see that I won. I think it's cute!

Deidra, the Big Sister

Deidra just dotes on Baby J. She is too adorable with him and he just adores her as well. After Little J and Baby D left yesterday, Deidra wanted to go to the park. Baby J still wasn't feeling 100%, but I figured it would get us out and help me try to focus on something else for awhile. I took him up to change him and Deidra said "Mom, you go get his clothes and I'll change his diaper." She had never changed a diaper before, so I asked her if she knew how. She says "Mooommm, I'll do it, I just don't want you to watch me." (She gets that from me, I don't like people watching me do somethign for the first time either...I get embarrassed..) So, I go get his clothes and I come back and she had the diaper on the right way, but she noticed he had diaper rash and put his cream on him too. I was so impressed. She really is good with him.

Little J and Baby D have gone home...

We had a pizza party for them last night and I gave Little J a cross necklace so that she would always remember that no matter where life took her that Jesus was always with her. I gave Baby D a new blanket with a fire truck on it that was soft and cuddly. My caseworker had given them each a teddy bear to bring home to cuddle as well. Saying good-night was hard, Andy broke down crying when he said good-night to Baby D, and after we put the boys down to bed I went to cuddle with Little J while Andy talked with his Dad. Little J started crying and I started crying...then the wolf spider (Mr. Big himself) decided to crawl up next to us and we had to get Andy off the phone to come kill it...we got to hear him scream like a girl...so that made us laugh instead of cry. We put the girls to bed and Little J thanked us for being good to her and for making her be good and for taking them to do fun things. She kept telling me that she didn't want to leave. I made it through a tearful good-night and then tried to finish packing them up. I went to go to bed myself and tossed and turned all night long.

I got the girls up for school this morning and Little J was tearful this morning, which also made me cry. I got them to school and spent some time with Baby D talking to him about what was going to happen and so forth and he didn't understand that it wasn't just his visit, he wasn't coming back here. I gave him a bath and just spent some time cuddling him. It came time to go get the girls from school and Andy came home and I cried all the way to the school. I managed to pull myself together just before I was supposed to get her and when her teacher put her in the car, she started crying too and so the tears started flowing again. I cried all the way to Deidra's school and Little J kept asking me all these questions and I couldn't answer as I was crying and trying to hide it. Finally she asked me "Mommy, are you crying?" She started crying when we picked Deidra up when Deidra asked to go get ice cream and I said that we didn't have time as the CPS worker was coming right away to get Little J and Baby D. Little J cried and cried that she was so so sad and she didn't want to leave us. Then, she kept saying that her tummy hurt and she didn't feel very good. I told her that I thought it was just nerves. She got in the house and the kids all played together for a bit and we got some great pics. It was hard. Then the doorbell rang and I put my brave face on. They actually couldn't fit all their stuff in their two cars so they're coming back out on MOnday to get the rest of the kids things. I learned again that not all foster parents are like us. Their brother only had 3 bags to take home with him. Little J and Baby D had 8 garbage bags full of toys to bring home, Little J had 5 bags of clothes, Baby J had 2 bags of clothes, and they had several other bags full of their coats, shoes, and other miscellaneous stuff. I had made up a bag with their bedtime stuff in it and their tooth brushes for each of them, and I gave them their scrapbooks and all their meds to bring home with them along with a few diapers for Baby D in case they didn't have any yet. And both kids had their bikes to bring home with them and Baby D had a ride-on Mater to bring home too. Anyway, we all said our good-byes and Baby D started saying good-bye to the CPS worker and I had to explain that he was going with them. CPS asked if we wanted to walk out with them and I was fighting tears at that point, so I declined and told her just to take them or I'd start to cry and I didn't want to upset Little J and have her cry again. They left and I turned to Andy and cried for them.

I got an e-mail from the CPS worker saying that things went well returning them home, they thought their scrapbooks were adorable, and the Mom didn't have any issues with Little J calling us. So, I'm hoping and praying for the best and I hope that the parents can truly see that I loved their children while we had them and that they were well-taken care of. Our therapist will continue seeing the children at their home and the Mom wanted to stick with the same doctors that we were using for the kids, so it makes me feel a bit better too knowing that some sense of what was normal here will be normal to them there too...if that makes sense.

My heart is very broken today and I miss them. Baby J saw a little girl when we were at the park with blonde hair and he kept screaming Little J's name. I know he must miss Baby D an awful lot too as they were truly buds and did everything together. Deidra is acting out one minute and then quiet the next, and she's quiet about what she's feeling and then when I try and talk to her about it she says she's just sad. So, I think she's just dealing with things in her own way. It's going to be hard. My Mom and Dad have both called to check on me today as well as a couple close friends. I have my moments where I think I'm fine and I turn and see something or hear something and I'm in tears. Like my caseworker said though "you can't take care of these children for months at a time and not get your emotions wrapped around them and what they're going through...you can't help but love them." We talked for awhile and she said "you're the ones out of all of us that know them the best, it makes me sad and I only see them some of the time...they've lived with you for almost 9 months...it's ok to be sad and to miss them." This is the first long-term placement we've had to say good-bye too and I knew it was going to be hard, I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I'm a mess...I really am.

A Mommy brag on Deidra...

I just have to brag on my baby girl a minute. I was bummed that we couldn't be at her awards ceremony yesterday, but she got a free Six Flags ticket for reading, she won an advanced reading award (she's already reading where she should be at the end of 2nd grade), and she won an award for being an all A and B student. She's bummed because she got all A's the first semester. I told her if she keeps getting high marks like she has been maybe she'll find that this marking period she'll get her all As back. That 3rd marking period is the one she started bringin home Bs in, but I told her that's still great. I'm very proud of her and how well she's doing. She's done with school on Friday and she's anxious to start her summer vacation.

Aggravated...

I'm trying to get the house cleaned up and our ducks in a row for our quarterly monitoring and inspection tomorrow and getting the kids clothing inventories done. I've done at least 10 loads of laundry today and still have a ton more to do. Baby J got a hold of our digital camera and threw it and I think it's broken as it won't turn on. So, I may be buying a new one tomorrow. Then, I'm upstairs vacuuming the bedrooms and we have a bagless vacuum and it shut off. I thought I may have unplugged it, but it's still plugged in. I thought maybe I blew a fuse then, but then I noticed that the carbon monoxide detector that is also plugged into that outlet is still working. I call Andy at work and ask him what to do...I still have 2 other bedrooms to vacuum as well as the landing. I'm all hot and sweaty and exhausted and it's almost time to get the boys in bed. The cat barfed all over the carpet and down the stairs and one of the boys threw his plate all over the floor. I still haven't gotten around to sweeping and mopping all the linoleum and I have to get the laundry done before I can mop the pantry and the laundry room. I'm so tired... Oh, I have to finish up all my paperwork too. Did I mention that I was tired?

Answered Prayers...

Little J and Baby D's scrapbook pages came today. YEAH! I can finish putting their scrapbooks together tonight. I am so relieved!

What is it about pomp and circumstance?

What is it about the graduation song that immediately brings tears to my eyes and makes me choke up? Last year during Deidra's kindergarten graduation, I started crying and Andy looked at me like I was nuts. We were at Little J's graduation ceremony today (she's not going on to first grade next year, but we wanted to be there for her anyway this year)and the song started playing and I thought "oh, I'm going to be ok." Nope, the minute I saw her tears sprang into my eyes. I sat there looking at her and she was looking at me and the tears just ran down my face. Meanwhile, we just looked at each other with big smiles on our faces. Her behaviors bother me a lot sometimes, yet I see how much she really has blossomed in the time that she has been here too and I love her no matter what. Once the song stopped, I managed to get myself together. The kids were too cute going up and saying what they wanted to be when they grew up. Little J went up there with a big strong voice and said "Hello. I'm (Little J) and when I grow up I want to be a cheerleader." I was so proud of her. Her and Baby D go home right after school on Friday and I'm already misty-eyed just thinking about it.

Tired of being frumpy...

I found an online seller on ebay a few months ago that I just love their clothes. I try snagging their clothes when they list them at 99 cents starting bids. I got a shirt to wear to our Anniversary dinner last year and everybody talked about how nice I looked in that shirt.

Well, I just bought a new shirt from them and wore it yesterday. It's a little more low-cut than what I'm used to wearing, but it wasn't too bad. I'll just show you the shirt. :-)



I put it on and the girls immediately told me how cute I looked and Deidra wanted to know why I was so fancy. The thing is that I always used to dress up when I was thin....now that I've gained so much weight I dress in the same old stuff all the time and I realized I was tired of looking frumpy. Anyway, we were out and about yesterday and Andy says "you are showing some cleavage in that shirt." We get home and I find out that he hasn't been able to keep his eyes off of me all day long. Hmmm...this plan of mine must be working....time to get rid of the frumpy look and get back to being more fashionable. It felt great to get a compliment from my hubby...especially when he doesn't give them all that often.

Everytime I lose 10 lbs, I'll be rewarding myself with a new piece of clothing.

Grrr! Updated

We went back to Wal-mart to get Deidra's friend her birthday present and Andy wanted to go look at the hard drives as well. Well, the hard drives are over near the photo section and we ran into Lionel who was the one that was adamant that we were not going to get a copy of that picture. Little J happened to be with us and Andy being as outspoken as he is, says to him..."this is the little girl that you won't let have her baby picture, why don't you explain to her why that is?" Lionel says "I'm just doing my job." Andy says again "well, why don't you explain to HER why she can't have her baby picture." Lionel says "nope, I'm not doing that" and books it behind the photo desk. At this point I said to him as he was walking away "what, you're just doing your job, but you're going to take the cowards way out of enforcing it." There were a ton of people waiting at the photo kiosk printing pictures away and nobody was around policing them...so Andy says as we're leaving "what? you're not policing all these people?" I told Andy that I understand their rules, but we actually looked up copyright info and since it was just that one picture we were trying to get and she did need it for school purposes that was an allowable thing to reprint. Anyway, part of me wanted to take another picture and go up there and try to use the photo printer and see if they'd tell me that they needed to see that one before they were going to let me buy it. All this over a 20 cent photo. The other part of me wanted to be evil and take the picture in question and go up there and use up all their photo paper making copies of it and leave. Andy and I were laughing about it. Of course, we won't do it. But, I'm tempted to go in there with another picture and get a copy of it and see what they do. I'm sure Lionel will recognize us again and make sure that we don't get out of there before he has our picture checked. Andy wants to boycott Wal-mart after that incident. I told him that I'm not boycotting them as a whole store and we rarely use their photo studio unless we need to make copies of our digital prints for one of the birthmoms of our foster children or Deidra needs a picture for something at school.

I don't know though...it has got me thinking. We're foster parents, what happens if we go through with adopting one (some) and we're after baby pictures and the birthparents let us copy them so that the child has them for later...they're not entitled to their newborn pic from the hospital or the professional pictures they had taken if there are any? Everybody has a normal curiosity about what they looked like as a baby and as they grew up and if we're fostering obviously there's a missing gap to when we got them and when they were born on some of them. I understand laws are laws, but I think if you're just after one copy of that one photo that should be allowed. Obviously, the birth parents are going to want their photos back and the foster/adoptive parents are going to want a copy too.

Grrr!

Little J needs a baby picture for school next week. The parents brought us all that they had (maybe 5-7 total) and Little J picked the one that she wanted (her newborn hospital pic). I promised the parents that I would make sure that all the pics got back to them. I took the pics up to Wal-mart today to make copies and some stupid guy saw me holding them in line and went and told his manager and we were told that we couldn't copy them because they were professional pictures. I explained the situation and said that it's not like we were trying to make portrait packages or anything, we just wanted one copy of each picture. They told us that they legally couldn't let us do it without the photographer's permission. Andy's going to take them and scan them in so that we can back them up on our computer, but I don't know how we'r egoing to make copies of them so that she has them for school. Not to mention, I want to keep copies here at the house in case she ever does come back into care and she goes up for adoption that we have baby pics here for us or another adoptive home if we don't have the space if they come back into care. It just frustrates me that these people didn't have a heart. Maybe I put more focus on pictures than average people, but you alwayas wonder what you looked like as a baby and so forth and I just want to preserve these for her.

Let Little J's and Baby D's scrapbook pages arrive on time...

I ordered their pages and they gave me a shipment date of 5-26. I asked to have the order shipped sooner than that if possible. She was going to forward the message out and said they could ship today. Well, I haven't gotten shipping notification today. I emailed her backa nd told her that if they could ship them tomorrow (Friday) I would really appreciate it and I was willing to pay more if I needed to. I just want to ensure that I have time to put them together and I'm not rushing to do it and I want to make sure that I don't run into any problems and they show up too late for the kids to have their scrapbooks to take home. Please let their pages arrive asap, Abba. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm worrying about it. I put it into your hands, Abba.

Scratched another thing off the list...

The kids layouts have all been uploaded to the scrapbook place to have them printed. Andy was awesome and helped me since it takes so long to upload the files since they're so big. We spent an hour last night each uploading as many layouts as we could to each of our computers. Then, he said he'd work on them at work too for me so I didn't have to do so many here. Well, when he called to wake me up this morning, he had all of them uploaded for me, so all I had to do was go in and select them to be printed and pay for them. I did FedEx 2 day air so that I can make sure that I can have them all put together in time. I feel a huge weight off of my shoulders now. Little J found out that I was done with her book and she was so excited. I can't wait to show them both.

I really do have the best hubby in the world... :-)

I love my hubby...

I've been a little on the quiet side today and he came home early to help me take care of a couple of things and we had a chance to discuss some things. He let me know that he really wasn't sure what he wanted to do as far as ttc goes. He just wanted to make sure that I was healthy first and he said he wasn't going to count ttc out. We talked about a few things and I am feeling a lot better about things. I know that he is just worried about my health and I am trying to make the changes that I need to.

Crossed that one off the list...

I'm done with Baby D and Little J's books. :-) That is one load off my shoulders. Now to upload all the layouts tomorrow to have them printed.

Pouring my heart out...

Ever since we had Deidra, I've wanted another baby. We've been through more infertility treatments (although we haven't been as agressive as we were with Deidra), trying naturally, miscarriage, fostering to hopefully adopt, and yet I still have this desire to have our own baby again. I talked to Andy a few months ago about trying clomid again and he said no. It hurt, but I had to respect his wishes. I looked at all the itty bitties at our foster care picnic and I felt the familiar yearnings and everywhere I turn someone is pregnant or has a newborn.

I got insurance again as of June 1 and I've made a committment to myself to get back to being healthy and trying to lose this weight again. I'm exercising again as of yesterday and eating healthier. I figured I'd talk to Andy about seeing if I could get myself back to being healthy again and at a good healthy weight if then he'd be willing to try for a baby.

We sat down last night and he said that he felt like I blindsided him with this and that we had moved on and that we were going to foster to adopt to add to our family. He said that he just didn't want there to be a huge age difference between Deidra and the new baby and she was already turning 8 and he just felt that we missed our chance. He said me getting back to the size I'd like to be could take a year or two, it's not like we're talking weeks or months. I never knew he felt this way. He just says "I love you." I asked him if he realized that we weren't using any form of birth control and he said yeah, but that would be an accident later so it's not like we were actively trying to get pregnant. I think that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard him say, but I think if he feels this strongly about it...it's time for me to learn to let go and I don't know if I know how to do that seeing how Deidra's about to be 8 and I still have these feelings. I told him people have babies in their 30s all the time...he wanted me to ask myself if I had a definite relationship with my brothers and I said that I was closer to Jimmie than Zach, but I told him that even with his brother and him there's a 5 year age gap and they don't have any relationship there hardly at all and he said that isn't the point...they did when they were younger. So, I just don't know what to think anymore. I love him with all of my heart, but this really hurts. I told him I wouldn't bring it up again either after I saw how aggravated he was by it all. He's obviously moved forward and I haven't yet.

But, I did make him a committment after hearing how worried he's been about my weight that I would be a healthier me by the end of summer and that I would stick with trying to be healthier and losing this weight. Yesterday was day 1.

My Mom had dinner with a...

My Mom just called me from down in San Antonio. Her and my aunt went to dinner (my aunt flew in from MI to watch her take her vows tomorrow) and all of a sudden my aunt says "Oh my gosh..." My Mom turns around and there right behind her inside the window is a big brown hairy tarantula. They were freaking out. She went and got the waiter and the waiter came and scooped it up with his bare hands and put it in a jar. The spider climbed out and the guy picked it up and let it crawl up his arm before he took it outside to throw it into the yard. My aunt had the heebie jeebies. Mom had to call me right away and tell me. She's always saying spiders don't bother her and so I asked her if she at least got up when she saw it. She said "oh yeah, you should have seen how big he is. Wait until you see the picture Aunt Bettie took." They were laughing and Mom said "yeah, if you would have been here you would have been screaming." I told her "if I would have been with you, you wouldn't have gotten me to sit down and finish dinner." lol

My Goofy Hubby...

We were out and about and someone asked how old the boys were. We told them they were 2. You could see her trying to figure it out. She says "twins?" Andy says (as he points to Baby J)..."this one just stayed in the oven a little too long." Come on...there's a white baby and a bi-racial baby and you're going to ask if they're twins? Leave it to him to have the comeback. You probably had to be there, but it was funny.

Well, this weekend is the weekend...

my Mom takes her vows to become a 3rd order Benedictine nun on Sunday.

Oh no! I am SO not ready for this!

We came home from taking Baby D and Little J to their visit and one of the fosterchildren that lives down the street was sitting on the corner of the road. We pull into the driveway and he runs over "Is Deidra in that car?" I say yes and he tells her that he has something for her. He drew 3 blue heart with arrows through them and put at the bottom "I love you." He's an identical twin. She was horribly embarrassed when she showed it to me and I had to promise not to tell Daddy. I told her we don't hide things from our parents. I had a feeling that he liked her from watching the way he is around her. Mommy's instincts must be right...

Prayers for Little J

Little J and Baby D had sibling therapy yesterday so they could work on transitioning to go back home. While they were in their session they also learned that their older sister is not going to be coming back home to live with them. Little J took it really hard (we all figured that she was going to). At the end when she finally calmed down she said "my heart is broken. That makes me so so sad." I hugged her when I got there and the caseworker told me what happened. We talked for a bit and she seemed ok. Deidra had a school function last night and Little J started crying when we were waiting for the percussion performance to begin. I sat and talked to her for a bit and she cried a little bit and I just rubbed her back. We got home and we got the kids ready for bed. We put her down for bed a little after 8 and she was teary-eyed. I talked with her and sat with her for a long time and when she seemed to calm down, I came downstairs. It wasn't 5 minutes later that she just let out these big, loud sobs. Andy went up and told her that she needed to calm down a bit so she didn't wake up the boys and that we understood that she was upset and she had every right to be, but that we didn't want her to wake up the boys. Still big, loud sobs...so I went back up there and it took me a few minutes to get her to the point where she wasn't so loud. I had to go in and resituate the boys and settle them in again and Deidra asked to go in our room because she couldn't get to sleep with Little J being so loud. We told her she could, but we didn't think it was going to make a difference. I went up and talked to her again and she talked to me about how she was feeling and she couldn't understand why her sister wouldn't want to come home. She told me what she thought and I told her that she needed some answers from her parents about some of her questions and I wanted her to talk to her parents at the visit today. Her parents were encouraged to tell her that her sister wasn't coming home a week or so and they didn't want to do it. So, I think it's time that they work through this together and she deserves some answers. I don't have the answers that she wants answers too, but they do. Anyway, it was a 3 hour process of her crying her eyes out and us taking turns talking to her before we finally got her down for the night. She was crying again first thing this morning. I wish I could just get her to understand that she's still going to be able to see her sister...they're just not going to live together....but this is a huge loss for her. Her sister and her are very close. She's worrying about who is going to take care of her when she goes home as her sister took care of her a lot. Right before she went to bed last night she said "I must be really bad...I keep losing all the people that I love." I asked her waht she meant by that and she said "I don't want to leave you and now I'm losing my sister too." I had tears in my eyes at more than one point yesterday listening to her.

I pray for peace and comfort for her, Abba, as she's really having a hard time with this. Help this little girl find her way again. Help those of us that are trying to help her cope too to find the right words to help her and the patience and love to see her through this.

Prayers for a friend of mine...

Abba, I pray for a friend of mine who is also a foster parent. I pray that they are able to keep their baby and that she won't go to a relative. She says she's preparing herself mentally that she's leaving and if by a miracle she gets to stay then it will be a surprise. They have court today to hopefully find out more. I pray that the baby will stay with them where she is...and she also gets to be with her sister there too and have a loving home. I pray for this family today, Abba, please be with them and give them good news today.

Sea World

The paper is by Scrappin Texas Style.

Prayers for our family...

I pray that my Mom has a good visit with her sister this weekend. I pray for my brother as he turns 18 this weekend, which is also the same day that my Mom is taking her vows to become a 3rd order nun.

I pray for Andy as he is such a good and caring husband and father. Sometimes his patience runs thin, but whose doesn't at times. But give him your blessings, Abba, and I pray and hope that he'll always know how much he truly means to me and this family. I pray that he'll always have job security where he works and that he'll always have good rapport with them. He is very blessed where he works.

I pray for Deidra that she will always be my sweet little Deidra. I've seen her get some spunkiness lately and I don't like her attitude sometimes. I pray that you will watch over her and always keep her safe and give me the guidance to nip her attitudes and mouthiness in the bud.

I pray for Baby J and his Mom today. He really is such a sweet baby boy although a bit agressive at times. However, he's been a little more on the agressive side lately than I'd like to see and I pray for lots of love and guidance there for him and I so that we can get him back to being the sweet little boy that he is and curb this agression that he seems to be showing lately. I pray for his Mom too and I truly hope that when we go to court in October, that we'll all do the right thing by this little boy. We still desperately want to adopt him and hope that he can be in our family forever, but I know that only You truly know what is best for him. I continue to put it into Your Hands, Abba.

I pray for Baby D and Little J as they prepare to go home. We're going to tell them in play therapy that their sister isn't coming home with them and I truly hope and pray that you'll be with Little J and give her peace and comfort when she finds out. I truly think that she's going to flip out. She's got conflicting emotions when she talks about going home. On one hand, she wants to go home and be with her parents and on the other hand, she doesn't want to leave us either. Baby D has had little temper outbursts too that I couldn't figure out what was going on until my caseworker asked if Little J had talked about them going home in front of him. That's got to be what is causing them. So, I pray for peace and comfort for them over the next couple of weeks as they prepare to go home at the end of the month. I also pray for their parents and grandma that they'll be able to give the children everything that they truly need and that the children will only know peace, love, trust, and comfort when they go back home.

I also pray for our home...that it will always be a place of peace and comfort love and protection for anyone who walks through our front door. I pray that we'll be allegation and investigation free during our time of foster care. We ask for your blessings, Abba, for our family. We thank you for all that you have done for us and will continue to do for us.

So tired...

I went to bed around 9:30 last night and got up around 6:45 this morning. I woke up with a sinus headache. I wish I could go back to bed. Baby J has been on the aggressive side lately (mainly towards the end of the week and it's mainly toward me, so I think he's mad at me and the only thing that I can think of is that he's seeing his Mom now and I'm not there with him when he sees her like I was before). The caseworker said that it's entirely possible. But, he's majorly trying to test me when I tell him no about things too, so he's been in time out a lot lately. It kills me to have to keep putting him in there, but he's got to know that he has to listen and respect me. All day yesterday, he'd get mad at knock stuff over. I put him in his room as he kept knocking our dining room chairs over when he was mad and I didn't want anyone getting hurt. I heard a big crash coming from his room and he had knocked over the changing table. So, I went up and pulled that out into the hallway and put him back in his bed. He started kicking the door and when I went up there he was literally hanging from the doorknob screaming "No, Mommy, No." When I went in to put him back to bed and tell him to calm down he scratched me in the face and all up and down my arms. I'm trying to teach him that he can only do "soft hands" but man oh man, does this child have a temper. He's got so much upper body strength too...everyone is so surprised by that when they see him do some of the things he does and he just turned 2. Ever since Little J started talking about how they're going home, Baby D has had crying episodes and has been defiant with me too. I didn't put two and two together until the caseworker asked me if Little J had been talking about it around him. But, this all started around that time, so that really may be what it is. These are first placements that I've had for quite some time that are going home, so I guess I'm not used to what some of their behaviors can be. I know Little J is torn as she talks to me about it...on one hand she wants to go home and be back with her parents and on the other hand she's so scared that we're going to forget her or that she won't ever see us again. It's hard to know what's really going to happen. I told her I'd give her my cell phone number so she can call me from time to time if she wants to and her parents will let her (although I don't really think they'll let her). But, we'll see.

I really need to get their scrapbooks caught up. I need to have them done by the 20th to ensure that I can get them printed and back in the mail to put into their books by the time they go home on the 30th.

I think I'm going to go try and take another tylenol and see if that helps my headache and try to do some stuff with Baby D for a bit while Baby J naps (he fell asleep after his tantrum).

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mom's day to all my Mommy readers out there!

Friday when Deidra got out of school she gave me a flower that she had planted in a terra cotta pot and she tied a purple ribbon around the top. It was a purple petunia. They also printed a little card out that they put in an envelope and glued onto a popsicle stick and stuck it into the dirt. It was adorable and it brought tears to my eyes when she gave it to me.

Saturday, was a nice day and Andy pampered me a bit while we watched tv with rubbing my feet and my shoulders and we ate some chocolate chip cannoli and drank some red wine together. He was very attentive and I loved every minute of it.

I woke up this morning and Andy said something about "you can only find your gift under your buns and that's all I'm going to say." I got up and went looking under the hot dog buns, the bread, finding nothing I was lost. He told me to go sit down at the kitchen table. I did and I still had a look of confusion on my face. He said "now think about what I just told you." I thought to feel under my chair and found an envelope taped to the bottom. I pulled it out and found "Mission Relaxable." I opened it up and he wrote a very neat letter about how I was being sent on a mission to a certain address and how that address was also known as the One Fine Day spa. I was going to have 4 hours to complete "The Experience." I was going to get:

a One hour Swedish massage,
Dermalogica Skin Care Treatment,
Citrus Pedicure,
traditional Manicure with Paraffin,
and catered lunch.

He's going to take a day off of work so that I can go while he watches over the kidlets. He also told me that if anyone of our party got lost, he was going to keep my mission top secret. I'll have to share what he wrote as he put some thought into it. But, this Momma cannot wait to go on her mission! THis is the best gift I think he's ever gotten me...well besides my wedding rings!

Otherwise, Deidra and I went to church this morning. My Mom came over to give me a little gift that she got me (a little Mommy ceramic box)and we chatted for awhile. Then, we headed out to go to Taste of Addison and then we stopped at a Goodwill that we ran into on the way home. Then, we came back to our hometown and went to Marble Slab for ice cream. Now, I have to go help Little J put her clothes away the proper way and get the kids in the tub and put to bed.

Prayers for Andy's step-father...

Well, I asked for prayers for Andy's step-father's son Tim a few days ago. He was suffering from pneumonia and heart problems. Unfortunately, he passed away while Andy's mom and step-father were in the process of flying from AZ to MI to see him. They were having the funeral today and cremating him on Monday and then they were going to fly home. The doctors were saying that they gave him 6 months to live. That just goes to show that not even the doctors truly know your date and hour that God is going to take you home.

I pray for the family during this difficult time and I pray for Tim as he starts his new journey. I have no idea if he was religious or not as I never met him before, but I pray for his soul and I pray that eternal rest is granted to him, O Lord.

Little Prayer Request for Deidra

Keep Deidra in your prayers if you will that nothing becomes of this.

A few days ago Little J told Deidra that she was fat. I was quite upset when I heard about it, but I know that Little J has self-esteem issues and she herself has put on a little weight since starting some of her medications...she always seems to be hungry. Anyway, I talked to Little J and told her that we don't say things like that to people and she said she was just trying to be funny. I told her that regardless, it still can hurt people's feelings and if she wouldn't want that said to her, she didn't need to be saying it to anyone else.

Well, we thought Deidra's appetite had just been down since she has been sick. Last night, she was eating dinner (chicken and broccoli...which she loves) and she was trying to give her food to Little J over eating it. When Andy scolded her, she kept trying to say that she was full. She had only eated a couple bites of each thing. It came out later that she was worrying about Little J telling her she was fat and she didn't want to be fat.

She is tall and skinny, not in the least bit fat...she's beautiful (if I do say so myself) and when Andy heard what happened he really got upset. He told her that she didn't need to be listening to people saying that stuff and after we put Little J to bed we both sat down and had a serious talk with Deidra. She didn't need to worry about anything and that usually when people say mean things to someone, they're only trying to make themselves feel better. But, we wanted her to start eating again and quit worrying about it.

I noticed at breakfast this morning (she asked for McDonalds and Andy ran and got her what she wanted) that once again she only ate a couple of bites of her egg mcmuffin before she wanted to save her food.

I really just pray that she lets this go and will quit thinking that she's fat. It scares me too that I heard on the radio the other day that eating disorders can start this early. So, I pray that she lets this go.

What kind of sexy are you?

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

My Result: Shy 'n' Sexy

When it comes to sex appeal, you have it — and you know it. It's just that you hold it back until you're more secure with the person of your affections. Were you the kind of kid who was nervous about the first day of school even though you knew you were smart enough to compete?


Let's face it, you probably know what you're great at, it's just getting over that initial bump of meeting someone new, getting used to them, and warming up to a situation that gives people the impression you might be a little more tame than others. But look out. Because when you reach your comfort level, you're in the zone.


Your lovers are the lucky ones because they're the only people who really know what lies beneath your timid exterior. Sure you might shy away from steamy looks in public. But get you behind closed doors and you're ready to unleash your true sexual powers. You may be shy, but you know how to hook and reel 'em in.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=sexyogt&c=50652

My Dad just called...

and wanted me to help him buy some flowers for my Mom for Mother's Day. I was stuck between 3 arrangements...so he helped me choose which one. We went for this one. When I discovered the name of the arrangement I figured it was also a blessing...the name of the arrangement is called "Heaven Scent."

I'm going to send her the Amazing Grace bouquet that I also found and see if my Dad will go in halfsies with me for when she takes her vows...it's also a beautiful bouquet.

Prayers for my Parents...

My Mom is due to take her vows for being a 3rd Order Nun this month. It's on my brother, Jimmie's birthday as a matter of fact. May 18.

My Dad desperately wants to make things right with her and have them get back together. He broke down crying on the phone with me today saying that he really loves her and he just wants things to be right. One minute she's contemplating it and they're friendly towards one another and the next minute she's acting like she doesn't want anything to do with him. He asked me what I thought today and I told him my honest answer. I don't know how to read her anymore. And that's honesty...I don't. One minute she feels one way about something and the next time it comes, she feels completely different. I love her dearly, but she is hard to read. I know she was deeply hurt throughout their divorce and that there are some things that she can't get over. I know she talked to a priest that knew them both during their marriage about what she was obligated to do and he told her that she was obligated to take him back and try again if he wanted to come home. Yet, her current answer is "he waited too long." It's the same thing that I hear when she talks about moving down to where she's taking her Orders to be closer to the convent when I bring up that she prayed for our family to be together again in one spot and now that we're down here, she's talking about moving. "Everyone just waited too long." is what she tells me. Well, she's also the one who's told me before when I've gotten impatient about things "Things happen in God's timing, not ours." So, what if God finally is answering her prayers that our family reconciles (she's prayed for so long that our family would reconcile and my Dad would come home to her and to us) and she's shutting that door. I don't know what to do or how to talk to her about it and my Dad doesn't either, yet I can sense that he's deeply troubled over it all. He told me today "Jess, she doesn't even have to share the same house or the same bedroom with me if she doesn't want that...I just want us to be husband and wife again and share our life and friendship together and as long as neither of us shacked up with anyone else during that, it would all be fine." Only You, dear Abba, know what to do with all of this and how to fix it if it is fixable...I'd like to see them back together and it does us kids a whole lot of good when they're being friendly with one another and we can all hang out and laugh together and I know deep down that they still love each other. I put my family and my parents marriage into Your Hands, Abba. Guide them to do what they are supposed to do with one another, change their hearts and tear down the walls so that they can truly see what they have in one another.

What we sent the Mom's for Mother's Day

This is what we're having sent to the Mom's today for Mother's day. I hope Mom Hoffman gets theirs before they have to leave for the airport.

Couple Prayer Requests

Abba, I have a couple of people I'd like to lift up in prayer today.

Andy's step-father's son, Tim, is really sick. He's suffering from pneumonia and has some heart problems. Apparently his heart has stopped twice since Friday and he's rittled with cancer too. The doctors are only giving him 6 months to live. I pray that you comfort him during all this and that you are with him and the family and that you give them comfort and peace during this time. I pray that you will heal him from his current sickness so that he can enjoy the rest of his life here on earth. We were having flowers sent to Andy's mom today for Mother's day, but found out last night that they're leaving today to fly to MI to see Tim. It sounds stupid with everything else going on, but please let the flowers be delivered before they have to leave today so she can enjoy her flowers a little bit rather than come home to dying flowers on her doorstep. I tried to modify the order after we found out, but they won't modify any orders placed within a couple of days of MOther's day due to them being so busy with placing orders.

My dear friend Cindi, just found out that her Grandma may have cancer of the bowel. She's going through surgery today to remove the tumor. I pray that she will be cancer free after surgery and that you will heal her today.

What an hour and a half!

I took Deidra to the doctor. Both the boys were crazy, Baby D wouldn't stop whining that he wanted a popsicle and Baby J was way past the overtired stage and was throwing fit and after fit and scratching me and slapping me when I wouldn't let him down. Deidra had the chills and zonked out on the doctor's table. We waited forever and the doctor came in to see her. Took a look at her and said "I can tell you just from looking at the stuff coming down her throat that she's got a nasty sinus infection." She gave her some amoxicillin and said that in a day or two she should be feeling a lot better. She handed me the script and said that I looked really tired myself. I told her that I thought Deidra had something viral as I thought I had caught what she had. She told me she thought I needed to get myself into the doctor. I'll ride it out a few more days...

Now, I've got all the kids down for a nap and I'm sitting here pondering do I catch up on some scrapbooking and enjoy the peace and quiet or do I try to lay down myself.

Oh, and just before we went to the doctor I got my period (I was a week late and was wondering what was going on) and I have the most horrendous cramps I've had in a long time. Just what I wanted for Mother's day.

Deidra is still sick...

Man oh man! It's been almost a week now and she's still running 100+ fevers. She got home from school yesterday and I went to hug her and thought "you feel awfully warm." So, I went and got the thermometer...it was a tad over 101. I get her up this morning and she wants to go to school. I take her temp and it's 100.4. She's acting fine, she wants to play, a little more tired than normal, bad cough, and she says that sometimes she hurts all over. I'm calling the doctor today and getting her in. She's never ran a fever like this for this long and it's starting to scare me a little bit.

Kinda last minute...

So much to do! Too little time!

Man, oh, man...I know the end of the school year is always a busy time, but my calendar is filling up quicker than I know what to do with. The last week is already pretty much filled up. I still feel like crap...Deidra wanted to go back to school today so I loaded her up on cough syrup and motrin. She's still running a slight fever, but she's bouncing off the wall with boredom. I guess if I have to go get her early, I'll have to go get her early.

Baby J starts weekly visits with his Mom today. I asked that they not be on Mondays or Wednesdays and that they could do them in the morning so that I made sure that he was back in time for me to go get the girls from school. They scheduled them on Wednesdays from 12-2 (and she specifically said that he should be back in time for me to go get the girls from school...I notated that the key word in that sentence is SHOULD). All I can do is hope and pray that he's back when they say he'll be back as I have to leave at 2:20 to go get the girls from school and I don't make it back until about 3. And now, I have to figure out when we're going to be able to fit his therapy in on Wednesdays since he'll be gone now when we were originally going to do it. I got his Mom a Mother's Day card that he can give to her and I'm going to put his Chuck E. Cheese picture in it for her.

The CPS worker for Baby D and Little J came out yesterday since she's going on vacation (cruise to the Caribbean for 10 days...I'm so jealous) and I was trying to get an idea of if they were going back at the end of the school year or when they went back to court. It's just a matter of a couple of days, but they have SO much stuff that I need to inventory and pack up for them, that I just wanted to make sure that I knew when they were going to go home so it was all ready. I really need to kick it into high gear too to get their books done. I'm trying to schedule a good-bye party for them too. I'm going to get Little J an angel necklace so she always knows that her angel is watching over her. I'm still trying to figure out what to get for Baby D. Any ideas?? Anyone? I want it to mean something, something that he'll always be able to have.

I can't believe that school is almost done...Deidra's field day at school she wants us to be there for. Then, Little J has her graduation and class party (we held her back so she'll go on to kindergarten again next year). Then, we have our quarterly monitoring which our caseworker said they changed the form and she thinks it's going to take about 3 hours to do. Then, school ends and the kids go home.

May is going to fly by...

did I mention that I still am sick...? I don't want to DO anything!

Feel like death warmed over...

I think I caught whatever it was that Deidra has. I feel like death warmed over. I'm all warm one minute, freezing the next, headache, burning sensation to the slight left of my belly button, 101 degree fever, and VERY tired! The CPS worker for Baby D and Little J is coming over this afternoon and I was going to reschedule, but Andy said he'd come home early and I could lie down when she came to visit the kids. I can deal with that. My problem is stressing over the kids, the laundry, cleaning, and their scrapbooks that I have to finish before they go home. But, I need to rest too. Baby D has been super whiny lately too...I wish I knew what was going on with him when he gets like this. I think he's overly tired though, so I think I'm going to try and put him down for an early nap and hope that helps. I'm hoping that they'll both nap ok for me today so that I can lay down too.

My poor baby girl...

Deidra was sick last weekend with a fever of about 100 and she had a cough and a runny nose. I sent her to school Monday since she was feeling a bit better. She seemed totally back to normal by Tuesday. Thursday night, the fever was back and she was coughing really hard to the point of making herself throw up and she said her ear was bothering her a little bit. I kept her home on Friday from school. This weekend she was feeling fine, although she still has a bit of a cough. She got up this morning saying that her stomach hurt, but she said she felt ok to go to school. I gave her some pepto-bismol before school with some tylenol. The school called at 10 saying that she felt like she was going to throw up and she was asking to go home. I went and got her. She's running a fever again of 100.2 and says her stomach hurts. I'm so tired of the sickies going round and round.

My honey should have listened to me...

He didn't fix the car this weekend because he was fixing one of his bosses computers. He didn't want to bail on his boss. I can understand that on one point but it's a personal computer, it isn't like he needed it for business or anything. I wanted him to reschedule for tonight after work since I found someone that could have fit the car in that day to fix it. This week is a hectic week at work for him too. He doesn't know how he's going to get everything done in the time frame that he needs to get it done in.

So, he calls me this morning and says "I'm going to have to get the car in, the hole in the muffler separated the muffler from something something and the car is so loud now that it made my head feel like it was going to explode." Oooh...well, you wouldn't have been in that position had you originally listned to me (but I didn't say that, I bit my tongue). He's bringing it in this afternoon to have them look at it and if they can't fix it tonight, he'll be working from home tomorrow while they fix the car and then going in tomorrow night to work if he needs to.

I guess I must just have a sign on my forehead that says "don't listen to me, nothing I say matters and you honestly know best." Honestly, I really must have as everyone has been trying to undermine me lately. I've had to really put my feet down with Deidra lately as she's getting quite a little attitude. Granted, she's been sick since Friday too and I'm sure that's part of it, but I think I deserve more respect than what I'm getting lately from this household.

All I know, is that I have SO much to do today, but at least my downstairs is somewhat clean again. It was spic and span until all the kids came in from the sandbox last night and got sand all over my floors. So, I'll be sweeping again. Then, I'm going to take a shower during the boys nap time and try to get my bathrooms cleaned upstairs before they wake up and then I have to put laundry away for us and the boys. Meanie Mom made the girls do it themselves yesterday and all I heard was how Little J didn't WANT to do it. Several fits and tantrums later, it finally got done. I won't tell you how many hours it took them because they kept coming downstairs to whine or tell on each other. UGH This Mommy needs some peace and quiet.

In honor of National Scrapbook Day...

I put Little J and Baby D's scrapbooks together for them and we sat down and looked at them with them. Little J's eyes just lit right up and she was so excited about it. Baby D just kept saying "that's me, Mommy, that's me!" I was thrilled that they liked them so much, I just hope their family doesn't throw them out or anything.

We also pulled my scrapbooks out of the tote in the garage and Deidra wanted to look through hers....well we only made it through 3 of them. I am SO glad that I scrapbook when I looked back on some pictures...man I had totally forgotten some stuff and was so glad that I had it there on a layout and I had journaled about it. Deidra totally got a kick out of seeing herself as a baby and a toddler too. It was nice to ponder through her books and see how totally cute she was at different stages and we even looked back on her terrible 2s and the tantrums she'd throw (yes, I have pics and it's all documented in her book).

I don't have time to paper scrap anymore, but I'm glad that I kept going digitally. It still get the story down and she'll always have her books to help her hold her memories. I always worry about that when I think about how young I was when I lost my Mom....it's important to me to get Deidra's life documented so if anything ever were to happen to any one of us, she always has those books to help her to see that she was loved. I think that's always something I'll struggle with with losing my Mom so young and wondering about so many things. My Mom took lots of pictures for me, but I don't have the journaling to go with it...I wish that all would have been recorded too to help me remember or to help me know the type of person that she was. That's part of the reason that I think it is so important to scrapbook for my family.

Major Household Duty Day...

Well, Baby J didn't want to listen at all today and got to throwing his tantrums, I got smacked in the face and scratched, so I put him in his room. He got a bit too quiet and so I went to check on him. He had torn the shelf in his room down that held his diaper wipes and diaper cremes and had started to throw his wipes all over his room and so I made him pick them up. Moved the diaper changing table to the opposite side of the room so he can't climb it to get into anything and then I took everything out of his room for Andy to fix when he gets home as no matter how many times I tried I couldn't get that shelf hung back up.

Baby D went down for his afternoon nap and the girls both decided after they put a basket of their clothes away that they were bored. I told them they'd better find something to do or I was going to do it for them, I have a whole house to clean and put back into shape today. Deidra picked up the playroom and the living room and Little J picked up their room and then the girls decided that they too were going to take naps. Fine with me. I turned on my tunes and cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor and got my little bathroom cleaned up. Now to just go upstairs and vacuum and clean the kids bathroom and our master bathroom and finish up laundry and my house will be sparkly clean.

It's also National Scrapbook Day so I hope to get some scrapping done later too as well as get Little J's and Baby D's scrapbooks put together.

UGH! Men!

So my hubby was asked to come out and fix one of his bosses personal computers. They set it up for this morning. He had to go to work first to get some tools that he needed. On the way to work, someone lost a tire and sent it flying towards Andy which he in turn ran it over. Now the car sounds like a hot rod. He's got a super busy week at work next week, but I told him driving over by DFW probably wouldn't be good for the car if it needs work done on it now. I called a local muffler shop that my Mom recommended and they could fix it if he brought the car in now. I call Andy and tell him and he won't cancel on one of his bosses. He can't miss any work next week because of how busy they've got and problems that they ran into. I told him why not reschedule the thing with his boss for Monday after work and get the car fixed today. He won't do it. Sometimes he really bothers me with priorities. Yes, I understand not wanting to let your boss down, but it's not like he just didn't want to get out of bed or something, he had car problems on the way in that need to get taken car of and I can't see driving the car around like that for over a week just because you can't take off of work because of how busy you are, when I found someone that can fix the darn thing today. UGH!

Oh well, the kids don't want to listen today either, so why should he??

My Top Ten Men

Taken from Sarah's blog (www.proudmomx2.blogspot.com. My top ten men required a lot of thinking. I think men are attractive sometimes, but I don't watch things just because they're in it per se nor do I remember a year or so later who I thought was particularly yummy the year before. So, this one I had to sit and think about for awhile. Here are my ten men that I picked as I did think they were cute at one time or another. They're in no particular order.

Shepard Smith. Another crush that I had on a Fox News anchor while living in Chicago.


Corey McPherrin. When we lived in Chicago and used to watch the news daily on Fox, I developed a little crush on the sportscaster.


David Duchovny. I didn't mind watching him on the X-Files.


Eric Mabius. I love him on Ugly Betty.


Keanu Reeves.


Leonardo DiCaprio. I thought he was so adorable in Titanic.


Noah Wylie. Back to my early days of watching ER, I had a tremendous crush on him. Ran into him (literally) during a taping of ER in Chicago when I was late getting to FAO Shwarz where I worked(I've blogged about it before).


Peter Hermann. I thought he was cute while watching Cashmere Mafia.



Sammy Sosa. Not a sports fan either, but when we lived in Chicago and I'd see clips of him on the news and so forth, I thought he was pretty cute.



Tom Cruise. Think back to the Top Gun days...after he started this thing with Katie Holmes I got over him really quick. I liked Katie Holmes too when she was in Dawson's Creek, but this is just weird to me that she'd get involved with him.

My Peanut...

My poor little peanut wasn't feeling very well earlier in the week, she was running 100 degree temp one night (Sunday). Monday she was coughing a lot but she wasn't running a fever. I sent her to school and she informed me afterwards that she got to coughing so hard that she threw up at school twice. I got her some long-acting cough syrup and some cough drops and that seemed to really help. So, I thought she just really had some allergy problems as she was sneezing a lot and had a runny nose too. I thought she was coughing due to the drainage in the back of her throat.

Last night, she complained that her ear hurt and she couldn't hear much out of it, but she's not superly complaining and she's not crying about it so I don't think she has an ear infection. I gave her some motrin for it and decided to play it by ear (no pun intended).

Then, she comes home from school today (Thursday) saying that she hurt all over. Yet, she still wanted to play with her friends and so forth, so I didn't really think much of it. We went out to run some errands once Andy came home and she started complaining that she was freezing cold (the rest of us were hot). I felt her head and she felt a bit warm.

Came home and got the boys in bed and Little J in the shower and I was going to go and take Deidra's temp, but Andy was already doing it. Yup, she's running a 101.1 fever. She wanted to take a bath to see if that would help her get warm, so I let her take a bath in our huge garden tub. She took a bath and I tucked her in bed and she was shivering. I didn't want to put too many blankets on her so it doesn't make her even hotter. So, I just threw her baby blanket over top of her too. I told her I was going to keep her home from school tomorrow but that she was going to stay on the couch and stay down for the day.

As I was tucking her in bed she whispers to me "Mommy, I'm just glad I get to stay home with you. I like it when you take care of me when I'm sick."

Here I already was feeling guilty that she keeps seeing me making page after page for Little J and Baby D's scrapbook so that I have them ready when they go home and I've only made a couple for Deidra's book. I took the kids to Michael's tonight to pick out their scrapbooks so that I could load their pages into them and Deidra desperately wants to pick one out for her. I told her that after Baby D and Little J go home, I plan on really trying to catch her up and if I can get their books caught up this weekend then maybe I can work on hers sooner. She wants to help me make her book, but I don't have the time to paper scrap anymore. She asked me if she could learn how to digi scrap. I can see it now...I'm going to have to have Andy build her her own little laptop so she can sit next to me and we can crop together.

I looked at her last night and couldn't get over how grown up she's starting to look. The boys seem to gravitate to her sometimes and that sooo makes me nervous. I'm so not ready for that yet.

She's so sweet too, they got a new student and he sits by her in class. He's been there for probably a couple of weeks now. He asked her if she'd be his friend and she said yes and I guess he told her he was in foster care yesterday. She gave him a hug and told him about how we are a foster family and she has a foster sister and 2 foster brothers. She told me all about the little conversation that they had. I just thought she was so sweet to him about it. God gave her such a big heart, I hope she is always like this.